So I've been seeing this guy since May last year but then I found out he had a 'friends with benefits' thing going on, so accordingly I said to him that nothing will happen between us if he is in another relationship, regardless of its status.
The chemistry, attraction and what have you are inevitable between us. We are like magnets, can't keep our hands off each other and for me this is crazy because I've never felt this before.
Anyway, so i went on a month long holiday in september but a day wont go by without us texting each other etc Then he got time off work and went on holiday just before i came home and the whole time apart totalled to like a month, which may not seem that long but it felt like a year! we both really missed each other and couldn't wait to see each other.during that period the girl he was sleeping with went back to Spain(where she is from) and they ended everything so when he came back from holiday, we met up and as always the chemistry was overwhelming and it was all going really well between us.
However, a bit before Christmas he got really ill and we didn't really see each other for a couple of weeks due to my university work and other things but he started getting a bit distant, like he will just stop texting randomly without saying bye, he won't try to make an effort in conversations etc..
So I decided to give him space and didn't text him thinking that whenever he gets out of his 'zone' he'll be ready to talk. At that time his cousin was living with him so I would talk to his cousin and take him round London (he is Spanish and only came for a couple of months) but me and the guy kept getting more and more distant. I am usually quite relaxed and try not to be annoying or overwhelming in relationships but this started to bother me and not knowing what was going on annoyed me so I text him how I felt and he realised his mistake and we met to talk about it but after that for some reason things started getting worse. I wanted to keep my distance as I was already getting hurt and he just seemed to not understand although we had talked about it and he had apologised and we had planned so many things to do in the coming weeks, none of which materialised!
At that point I thought I had done everything I could, I'd spoken to him about how I felt, he knew what I felt towards him and he definitely felt the same but there was something stopping him, as if he was scared to get more serious...I have no idea but I was getting more and more hurt so I just decided to give him space and let him work it out.
Meanwhile I carried on seeing his cousin and showing him around London and the guy got jealous so he'll pass little comments like 'so you talk to my cousin but not me', 'so you meet him but not me' but I just thought he needed space and I felt like he didn't want to talk to me whenever we text...
At the beginning of January, me, the guy and his cousin met up and the guy started getting jealous again and all of a sudden started acting weird telling me that I was being rude, that I was not being nice to him and I told him that that's not true. Tbh I'd been having quite a good time up till that point, but then he just stopped talking to me and we decided to go home! It was awkward and sad because I had no clue what had happened!...I had no clue what happened over the last month or so when he just switched from being one person to someone I didn't know!
So after I decided to leave him to cool off but we stopped texting completely until 1 month after he text me making a comment about a picture I had posted, saying it was pretty but that my heart was missing. This really got to me because for the past mOnth I had been trying to move on, I was really hurt, like never before and then he texts me with that after everything we'd been through! I was angry and I think rightly so so I wasn't nice in my reply and I thought that would be the end to it all...(this happened in February)
But a week ago he text me again this time the normal hi, how are you. I was really surprised but I replied and then we got talking and we both admitted how we hated fighting, how we hated all this that had happened in the past few month and he said he missed
Me a lot and how every attempt he'd made at texting me, even the mean text was to show me he cared and that he was missing me. Then we agreed to meet up and we spoke a lot and we sorted things out...none of us were blameless so we decided to move on.
But then he started talking about how his mother is coming In may and how he wants me to meet her, then he is planning on going Spain and doing skydiving and he wants me to go with him, he kissed me a few times but I told him that it's not fair after all that's happened over the past few months and now it seems like he wants to be together again.
In all honesty as soon as I saw him, regardless of the pain of gone through The feelings came flowing back! It was mutual but right now this is what scares me! My heart is saying go for it but my head is split in two! I don't know whether I can trust him, I don't know what to do and I definitely don't know what he is thinking! I know him well and I know that he likes to be shown he is loved and that you care about him but at the same time I like that too and I want a bit of space atm to think things through. But although we've been texting every day he will stop and then make me wait for hours before he texts back and when he does he will be like sorry I forgot with a smiley. I mean I'm not a guy and I've figured out its impossible to know what they're thinking but if it was me and I wanted to be with someone if want to speak to them all the time and show them that I like them, especially in the situation we are in now (I understand he may be busy etc and I'm not that worried about that but there's always a second during the day when you can say something even if it is ill text you later I'm busy etc) the other thing is I don't know if the 'I forgot' thing isn't just used to make me think he is not that bothered although he is, after I practically rejected him the other day because I need time to think about things...
I have never been so confused! I am
Soo sorry about the length of this but for those of you who survive in reading this I would greatly appreciate any comments and suggestions because I am stuck!
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What is he doing and what do I do? Watch
- 12-03-2013 23:42
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- 13-03-2013 00:56
Basically you liked him and things were going great but then he started becoming distant which really hurt you, then you had a period of you giving him space while he got increasingly frustrated, and now you seem to be on amicable terms and he's said you should meet his mum etc.
I think he cares about you quite a bit as he obviously got very wound up with you not talking to him, but at the same time I just get the feeling that he'll only text you when it suits him and not necessarily treat you how you want to be.
Make it clear to him that this being distant bs has to stop and give him a chance TO EARN you trust as your bf or whatever, or just let it go if you think he's not worth it and would rather find someone else, but put it on your terms so that if he's the right guy he'll stick around.
- 13-03-2013 19:15
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- 13-03-2013 19:19
Oops sorry didn't mean to send the previous comment! Thank you for the advice, I definitely think I am going to make him earn my trust because at the moment I don't trust him much...And I definitely have to make it on my terms so I am glad someone else apart from my closest friends have said this so now I have an objective optionnn on the situation
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- 13-03-2013 19:48
So much drama and you haven't actually got anywhere with this guy. And it looks like you won't get any further. If you can't deal with your friend with benefits sleeping with someone else, you have feelings for them. If you have feelings for someone and they don't reciprocate, you cease any sexual contact and basically back off for your own good. I think you kind of got the idea in the beginning, but it seems that you have not been able to let go of this guy and because of this you are not able to move on. I don't care how amazing the chemistry is between you: he knows how you feel, and if you were really right for one another you would have become an item a long time ago. I think you can feel so strongly about someone sometimes that your feelings delude you into thinking that you and the person in question have some special connection when in reality you just don't. He gets what he wants off you: sex and attention. Guys will almost always respond positively to sex and attention. They don't need to have feelings for you to do that. He knows you'll always be there in the background and he can take you or leave you. You're angry at him for his blow-hot-blow-cold behaviour, but maybe you should also be angry at yourself for rising to it every time. And let's be honest, your motivation for spending time with his cousin was to make him jealous. That's quite an extreme length to go to in order to try and evoke jealousy in someone, and if you were so convinced that you and this guy had potential, don't you think that spending so much time with his cousin would actually jeopardise your chances? You question his behaviour towards the end of the post and to be honest that's where you speak the most sense. He's not into you and he's certainly not acting like he is. There will be plenty of other guys who are into you. Let this guy go and meet some new people.