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    I have never really been much of a sociable person and often am not interested in talking to people. But sometimes I hate the thought of going through another day not talking to anyone or having anyone visit me/vice versa. Other times it doesn't bother me, I might be into my work or something else, but the loneliness always comes back to haunt me sooner or later. During my first 2 years at university, I had a terrible time making friends and became very anxious and stressed over it and it resulted in me losing my appetite for a while and becoming underweight. Since then, I have not been able to pick up the motivation to make friends and have avoided it.

    I keep telling myself it'll get better but nothing changes. I've even transferred uni to see if it'd be any different but still the same after almost 4 years now. I've managed to make one friend with my housemate but thats only because we live together and he's very sociable. But some days I may still go without talking to anyone.

    I've tried CBT etc, and am giving it another try (in waiting list atm) but i have my doubts about it. At the moment I feel like I will be this way forever. I can't see me 'clicking' with anyone, I never meet anyone who i can relax with and just talk to, I feel like everyone else is on a different level to me, and I'm kind of out of idea's of where to meet people. There's no potential societies I can think of to join and i'll probably have a panic attack if i go and talk to someone on my course, espcially now theyre all in their 'friend groups'. #

    I'm in my final year next year and I really don't want these problems to **** up my grade so hoping to at least improve my outlooks. I can imagine next year becoming quite depressed knowing its my final year and if i couldnt make friends during 5 years of uni, how the hell will i manage it when I have to start full time work?

    Anyway it'd be great if you could give some tips & advice if you have been in the same position or if you know places i could potentially meet like-minded people.
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    If you're trying CBT I'd assume you've been to see a doctor about it, but you could have some serious anxiety/depression problems that need sorting out. If you've always had trouble socialising, it could be another sort of mental health issue but whatever it is that's making you feel this way needs sorting out. If you feel good about yourself, confidence and socialising comes naturally so in my opinion you need to try and sort out your emotional issues first - you can't go on suffering in silence, so many men get bad depression because they try to battle through it alone. Maybe there are some groups in your area specifically for those who struggle to make friends, or those with problems similar to yours.
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    I feel exactly the same
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    (Original post by Lewk)
    I have never really been much of a sociable person and often am not interested in talking to people. But sometimes I hate the thought of going through another day not talking to anyone or having anyone visit me/vice versa. Other times it doesn't bother me, I might be into my work or something else, but the loneliness always comes back to haunt me sooner or later. During my first 2 years at university, I had a terrible time making friends and became very anxious and stressed over it and it resulted in me losing my appetite for a while and becoming underweight. Since then, I have not been able to pick up the motivation to make friends and have avoided it.

    I keep telling myself it'll get better but nothing changes. I've even transferred uni to see if it'd be any different but still the same after almost 4 years now. I've managed to make one friend with my housemate but thats only because we live together and he's very sociable. But some days I may still go without talking to anyone.

    I've tried CBT etc, and am giving it another try (in waiting list atm) but i have my doubts about it. At the moment I feel like I will be this way forever. I can't see me 'clicking' with anyone, I never meet anyone who i can relax with and just talk to, I feel like everyone else is on a different level to me, and I'm kind of out of idea's of where to meet people. There's no potential societies I can think of to join and i'll probably have a panic attack if i go and talk to someone on my course, espcially now theyre all in their 'friend groups'. #

    I'm in my final year next year and I really don't want these problems to **** up my grade so hoping to at least improve my outlooks. I can imagine next year becoming quite depressed knowing its my final year and if i couldnt make friends during 5 years of uni, how the hell will i manage it when I have to start full time work?

    Anyway it'd be great if you could give some tips & advice if you have been in the same position or if you know places i could potentially meet like-minded people.
    The important thing is to get through your final year and then worry about everything after that.

    Used sparingly: Diazepam. It won't actually solve the problem, but it's a very quick short-term treatment and will be enough to get you through the year without the constant insufferable worrying thoughts and anxiety. This route was the last resort for me after trying everything else, thankfully it's worked almost to the point that I rarely need it anymore.

    Visit and discuss with your GP/doctor about everything you've described here and that you need help for your final year.
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    I used to be very sociable in my college years and had loads of friends but I'm cruising pretty much the same boat as you in uni, I did make friends in the first 2years but was never comfortable with them and they too started to desert me, now in my 3rd year I have one friend which does things that really bother me so it isn't going great either, and chances are I'll have to spend my next/last year alone, the thought used to scare me alot but then I remembered back in college thr were ppl who could never make friends, they had it lot worse than me besides in uni you have stronger distractions from these trivial matters as I think about my career and plan to only focus on my studies but back in college it was different, it's when you can get careless with your friends but if there were ppl who made it through college alone, uni shouldn't be a problem for us


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    Thanks for the comforting replies, I know it's been a while since i posted, I've been more work-focused which kind of pushed these worries to the back of my mind but it will come back to bite if I ignore it.

    (Original post by Final Fantasy)
    The important thing is to get through your final year and then worry about everything after that.

    Used sparingly: Diazepam. It won't actually solve the problem, but it's a very quick short-term treatment and will be enough to get you through the year without the constant insufferable worrying thoughts and anxiety. This route was the last resort for me after trying everything else, thankfully it's worked almost to the point that I rarely need it anymore.

    Visit and discuss with your GP/doctor about everything you've described here and that you need help for your final year.
    I would love to be able to get some diazepam just for meeting people for the first time (and possible 2nd). I'm much better after that, but without any aid from anxiolytics I will get too nervous and won't be able to talk except for 1 word answers. Problem is, every health proffessional I've ever met seems to treat benzodiazepines like the plague. I can see why, I know someone who is prescribed them and abuses them and is now in a spot of bother. I know I won't do that. I'm very wary of the effects & consequences of these drugs and I generally don't like the idea of inducing fake, temporary hapiness but it's not worth saying that to a doctor else they'll think i'm just desperately trying to get my hands on them.
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    (Original post by Lewk)
    Thanks for the comforting replies, I know it's been a while since i posted, I've been more work-focused which kind of pushed these worries to the back of my mind but it will come back to bite if I ignore it.



    I would love to be able to get some diazepam just for meeting people for the first time (and possible 2nd). I'm much better after that, but without any aid from anxiolytics I will get too nervous and won't be able to talk except for 1 word answers. Problem is, every health proffessional I've ever met seems to treat benzodiazepines like the plague. I can see why, I know someone who is prescribed them and abuses them and is now in a spot of bother. I know I won't do that. I'm very wary of the effects & consequences of these drugs and I generally don't like the idea of inducing fake, temporary hapiness but it's not worth saying that to a doctor else they'll think i'm just desperately trying to get my hands on them.
    Hi, I'm in the same position only at the end of my final year and similarly I made efforts in the first 2 years to make friends (including going out of my comfort zone quite a bit in the first few months at uni) but ultimately I sit here nearing the end with not even an acquaintance, everyone I've met have either not taken me seriously and talked down to me cause of my shy and anxious nature, or just ridiculed me, and I won't lie, my work has gone downhill quite drastically being isolated and depressed, I spend my whole time pretty much out of the house away from my nasty housemates and its very hard to do anything without being surrounded by groups of friends and happy couples, just to rub in the fact I've got no one.

    I'm not sure what exactly to advise, someone will always reply to a thread like this 'join a society' or 'just go up to someone on your course and talk to them and you'll make loads of friends' as if its easy to make friends, but they don't understand, some people seem to be under the illusion that if you walk into a room at uni you'll instantly make friends and for some that may be the case, but realistically its not the case for everyone. So, make sure you make an effort with things like CBT and don't expect instant miracles from it, I regret not going to the counselling service or student services straight away and do what you can to stay focussed on your work, don't let everything around you distract you and yeah just try to keep the worries to back of your mind, worry about them when you've got your degree, I hope you can have more success in doing that than I have.
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    I'll start by saying I'm not at uni yet but I'm 24 and have spent the last few years in various places without a jot of interest in friend groups or sociability and have as such been a happily self-proclaimed hermit. I have very few friends and it's never been an issue - more freedom, less burden, no unnecessary commitment, etc. Think of all the positives.

    I find the best thing is to go out and do things where you mix with society but there's no pressure to actually 'be friends' with anyone. I think it's just about your own attitude and perception of what the world apparently wants from you.

    First of all, there's no special requirement to be integrating with everyone. That's just a by-product of our extroversion-centric culture. Jack that idea out of your mind and just live as yourself. You don't need friends, banter, inside jokes and cliques to feel socially 'normal'. I actually think those sorts of relationships are for the weak-minded anyway.

    It's quite possible to exist and have ample amounts of human interaction without worrying about the whole 'friend' issue.

    Firstly learn to do potentially social things alone. This can honestly be as simple as going to McDonalds for some food, just to sit there and be around people. I do it all the time! Consider every outing as a dose of society, and every time a stranger talks to you, there's your interaction! People! Woohoo!

    You'll also find that by doing this you remain in control as there's no requirement to do or say the 'right' thing. It's by far the best way to top up any social 'needs'. Plus you have a much higher chance of making real friends, if you so desire - but don't make it your goal, let it happen!

    For the past year I've been living in a different part of the country, and just by chance a guy I kind of know moved to the area, so I now have one friend who I see for about half an hour each week. I'd have been fine if he never moved here though. I hardly see him anyway.

    My life has now come to consist of four key things which bring sociability in for me. I go to the library to study at least 3 times a week, alone; I go to college once a week in a class with only two other students and a teacher; I have a part time job at a supermarket; I go to the local indoor climbing wall, alone. For all of this I have NO friends, but it's great because there are people EVERYWHERE! That's all I need to function.

    No idea where I'm going with all this. Basically just get outside and live. There are 7 billion people on this planet, stop worrying about being accepted by a cliquey few. Go and do whatever the hell you want, don't make friendship a priority, just make sure you're actively mixing with society. It's all you need!

    Honestly I'm the exact opposite of the social butterfly types. Actually some people might think of me as a bit arrogant for making such little effort to be friends with anyone, ever. This is a really lame classification but I'd say 'lone wolf' is quite fitting.

    Don't kick yourself for who you are. Why do you NEED friends? What will you achieve by having 'friends'?! Just go and live YOUR life, and specially don't worry about what other people think of you, because in your case I think that's what it all boils down to. No-one is in control, you choose everything. You choose to not have friends, and that's not at all a bad thing. You only think it's so awful because you're judging yourself with the wrong set of values.

    Do you have goals? Why are you at uni? There's so much to live for and (in my opinion) friends are often just extra baggage. Again with the '1 in 7 billion' point - you're a functioning human being in a vast, bumbling society of individuals. Don't worry about such trivial things, just go out and live.

    Genuinely I have 1 friend, but it's really more like 0 because I never see him and I don't care about keeping up the acquaintance. That's fine by me! Just change your attitude, and don't ever judge yourself!

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    I know this feeling as well. I'm in my last year of uni and I also haven't been eating well because I've been feeling trapped and worried about being able to make friends once in full time work. Like you I figure its not going to happen then if it hasn't happen in the last 4 years in a big university...

    I guess the lesson to take from this is that its not just you who will be on their own after you graduate, there will be people like me trying to make friends. At least I hope...
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    (Original post by stuart_aitken)
    I'll start by saying I'm not at uni yet but I'm 24 and have spent the last few years in various places without a jot of interest in friend groups or sociability and have as such been a happily self-proclaimed hermit. I have very few friends and it's never been an issue - more freedom, less burden, no unnecessary commitment, etc. Think of all the positives.

    I find the best thing is to go out and do things where you mix with society but there's no pressure to actually 'be friends' with anyone. I think it's just about your own attitude and perception of what the world apparently wants from you.

    First of all, there's no special requirement to be integrating with everyone. That's just a by-product of our extroversion-centric culture. Jack that idea out of your mind and just live as yourself. You don't need friends, banter, inside jokes and cliques to feel socially 'normal'. I actually think those sorts of relationships are for the weak-minded anyway.

    It's quite possible to exist and have ample amounts of human interaction without worrying about the whole 'friend' issue.

    Firstly learn to do potentially social things alone. This can honestly be as simple as going to McDonalds for some food, just to sit there and be around people. I do it all the time! Consider every outing as a dose of society, and every time a stranger talks to you, there's your interaction! People! Woohoo!

    You'll also find that by doing this you remain in control as there's no requirement to do or say the 'right' thing. It's by far the best way to top up any social 'needs'. Plus you have a much higher chance of making real friends, if you so desire - but don't make it your goal, let it happen!

    For the past year I've been living in a different part of the country, and just by chance a guy I kind of know moved to the area, so I now have one friend who I see for about half an hour each week. I'd have been fine if he never moved here though. I hardly see him anyway.

    My life has now come to consist of four key things which bring sociability in for me. I go to the library to study at least 3 times a week, alone; I go to college once a week in a class with only two other students and a teacher; I have a part time job at a supermarket; I go to the local indoor climbing wall, alone. For all of this I have NO friends, but it's great because there are people EVERYWHERE! That's all I need to function.

    No idea where I'm going with all this. Basically just get outside and live. There are 7 billion people on this planet, stop worrying about being accepted by a cliquey few. Go and do whatever the hell you want, don't make friendship a priority, just make sure you're actively mixing with society. It's all you need!

    Honestly I'm the exact opposite of the social butterfly types. Actually some people might think of me as a bit arrogant for making such little effort to be friends with anyone, ever. This is a really lame classification but I'd say 'lone wolf' is quite fitting.

    Don't kick yourself for who you are. Why do you NEED friends? What will you achieve by having 'friends'?! Just go and live YOUR life, and specially don't worry about what other people think of you, because in your case I think that's what it all boils down to. No-one is in control, you choose everything. You choose to not have friends, and that's not at all a bad thing. You only think it's so awful because you're judging yourself with the wrong set of values.

    Do you have goals? Why are you at uni? There's so much to live for and (in my opinion) friends are often just extra baggage. Again with the '1 in 7 billion' point - you're a functioning human being in a vast, bumbling society of individuals. Don't worry about such trivial things, just go out and live.

    Genuinely I have 1 friend, but it's really more like 0 because I never see him and I don't care about keeping up the acquaintance. That's fine by me! Just change your attitude, and don't ever judge yourself!

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    this is so me! we should hang out sometime lol....

    all I need Is a good book, who needs friends...


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