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Please help me with my housemates! Dont know whether to say something. Watch

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    #1

    Okay, I have 2 housemates- Sarah and Charlie.

    Sarah- always told Charlie hat do but in a manipulative way i.e. ''Im not going to invite so and so out with us/I dont think we should talk to her'' and stuff like that.

    Charlie- very easily influenced, does exactly what Sarah tells her or ''suggests''

    I was very good friends with them both for about 6 months. Sarah was always mutual in effort made to be friends, but with Charlie it was always me making the effort. I got on well with Charlie, but in holidays it would always be me texting/making the effort to keep in touch, arrange things to do like nights out etc.

    Anyway, after exams, I started trying to arrange things to do and theyd make up excuses, so I just gave up in the end.

    Now basically, I went on holiday for 2 weeks and since getting back its recently got really awkward.We will be in the same room and we all say hi but then they dont talk to me, they just talk to each other and ignore me. Sarah and Charlie have been doing things without me since I got back, such as going on a night out, going for meals and the cinema. They make no effort to keep it from me, they just advertise it on facebook where theyve been.

    The thing is, I can understand why Sarah is being funny with me, its cos she clearly thinks Im being funny with her (only because i was fed up making an effort only to keep getting excuses). But Charlie, I have only ever made an effort with! And im more annoyed because shes being a sheep and just following Sarah. Ive hung around with them both enough to know that its Sarah manipulating and ''suggesting'' things. Why cant people ever think for themselves? Charlie talks to me when we're in the same room, and neither of them are unpleasant, but its like theyve defriended themselves for no reason.
    And now even if we make up, its obvious Charlie will drop me at the drop of a hat everytime Sarah does....

    Im just really angry. Mostly at Charlie for being a sheep. Should I say something? Im so tempted to send angry facebook messages to them.
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    I think you need to be diplomatic, and cool headed. Just wait until they're next together, and say that you feel left out and want to do something with them, if they decline or make excuses then you can become more pushy/aggressive or ask why they are behaving like that. It seems like this Charlie will continue to be a sheep, you will find that people stick to form over time - more so if you point the finger at her and call her a sheep, she will most likely only be offended and that won't help your cause. I believe you could either tell charlie what to do (and weasel your way back into their social lives) or you sort out the root of the problem which is Sarah. It may be worth confronting Charlie also about you feeling that she doesn't reciprocate the effort you put in to your friendship.
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    It sounds like Sarah has what she wants - a friend who she can control. Charlie also has what she wants - a friend who takes control. I know people like both of them, and I suspect it's not you, it's just a simple case of them not needing you.

    I had a friend who used me as a spare friend. She wasn't even a horrible person - we used to get on well, and I do like her - but whenever someone 'cooler' came along she would just drop me. I was her back-up. The harsh truth is that people like this are unlikely to change, at least until they grow up and learn a few hard lessons. Some people are fiercely loyal, some people see friends as a convenience.

    My advice would be to keep initiating things, and to act cool around them, but not to invest too much time and emotion into it. It's awkward that you live with them, but there's a whole university full of people out there. Some of them could become great friends. Find people you get on with and who you like and trust, and invest time in them instead


    Edit: Just seen the last sentence. DO NOT send angry Facebook messages.
    • TSR Support Team
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    I'll put this in friends, family and work
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    Try and make new friends. I know it's going to be awkward to be around them, but you can't force someone to be your friend if they don't want to.
 
 
 
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