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    (Original post by Mother_Russia)
    Ok. This is much more worrying than the age gap. Even if he was your age, there is no reason why you should be saying these things.

    Go out, enjoy yourself. Meet people from your university, you life should not revolve around him.

    Maybe, this is why your parents were concerned. Not just because he's 30 years older. But maybe, because he's stopping you (not consciously, perhaps) from living your own life, having that youth etc.
    Absolutely; Without wishing to patronise you - the first relationship one has is always a bit OTT. You are still learning to deal with the emotions involved etc. It may be a cynical view, but the whole desperate wild romance thing wears off as you get more relationship experience, allowing you to make more level headed decisions.

    It seems to me like this relationship may have stunted your development. You may find as a mature adult, he can support you in your decisions.

    Age gaps can work, no one should make judgements, but at your age 20 years is a bit too much.

    Go out, have fun and see what else is out there. If you do this and remain friends, then you could keep your options open
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    I knew him years before so I know all about him and his background, he's honestly the most genuine caring person I have ever met he will do anything for me. He should have just walked away in the first place your right and he says that but we couldn't help falling for each other. I am happy with him most of the time but we fall out a lot with our insecurities because of the age gap. That's why I don't go out often to save causing argument, I'd never do anything on him but he always thinks I'm out cheating. But all of him friends seem to be dating women a lot younger..


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    Without being harsh on his behalf this relationship and ruined university for me, I'm ready to quit after being here just 6months. I love being able to spend more one with him but I haven't made the close friends I needed and wanted


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    (Original post by That.Girl)
    I knew him years before so I know all about him and his background, he's honestly the most genuine caring person I have ever met he will do anything for me. He should have just walked away in the first place your right and he says that but we couldn't help falling for each other. I am happy with him most of the time but we fall out a lot with our insecurities because of the age gap. That's why I don't go out often to save causing argument, I'd never do anything on him but he always thinks I'm out cheating. But all of him friends seem to be dating women a lot younger..


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    This will sound bad, but a lot of older guys go for younger girls because they are easier to seduce. I know that girls of 20-25 are a lot easier to chat up than a woman of 30.

    Without wishing to offend you, I imagine it would be ludicrously easier for a 37 year old to dupe a 16 year old.

    My opinion is that you need time to yourself, be single. Insecurities can rarely be fixed in a co-dependant relationship
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    (Original post by That.Girl)
    I knew him years before so I know all about him and his background, he's honestly the most genuine caring person I have ever met he will do anything for me. He should have just walked away in the first place your right and he says that but we couldn't help falling for each other. I am happy with him most of the time but we fall out a lot with our insecurities because of the age gap. That's why I don't go out often to save causing argument, I'd never do anything on him but he always thinks I'm out cheating. But all of him friends seem to be dating women a lot younger..

    Massive alarm bells.
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    (Original post by Mother_Russia)
    Massive alarm bells.

    Agree. I have tried not to be judgemental, but this sounds a little disturbing...
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    (Original post by That.Girl)
    Hello. I'm 19 and currently in my first year at Uni. Basically I'm seeing some one who's 20 years older. He doesn't look that much older and definitely doesn't act it. We never meant to fall in love we just enjoyed each others company so much and now were in a happy relationship and have been for nearly 3 years. Do you think it's really wrong? My parents do! They banned me from seeing him when they found out they took away my phone, my laptop and even my car so there was no way of me contacting him and it was heart breaking! We finally got back in contact but this happened 3 times, my dad stopped speaking to me for 3 months and my sister wouldn't even look at me. My boyfriend makes me so happy, he's older so alot more mature, sometimes I think they would prefer me to be messed around/ sleeping around and getting hurt by guys my own age just because what I'm doing isn't the 'norm'. My boyfriend has moved away to Uni with me so we get to see each other all the time which is great but I hate betraying my family as we are all so close and I love them to bits. They would be distraught if they found out again. So what do I do? I couldn't choose between him and my family and that's what my family will make me do if they ever find out. I know a few other people who are seeing guys a lot older but they come from different background and there family seem to approve. What do I do about this?!


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    Talk calmly to your family. Remember that they only want the best for you. If they can't be happy when two people are in love then there not worth it.
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    (Original post by That.Girl)
    I knew him years before so I know all about him and his background, he's honestly the most genuine caring person I have ever met he will do anything for me. He should have just walked away in the first place your right and he says that but we couldn't help falling for each other. I am happy with him most of the time but we fall out a lot with our insecurities because of the age gap. That's why I don't go out often to save causing argument, I'd never do anything on him but he always thinks I'm out cheating. But all of him friends seem to be dating women a lot younger..


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    That's really, really not good. It's great that he cares for you but he should trust you too. So basically, as one of the above posters said, he is subconsciously controlling you. That's bad in any relationship (age gap or not).

    Having said that, the age gap does make me uneasy anyway. You may not realise it now at 19, but there is a very big difference between a 16 year old and a 36 year old, regardless of maturity they will have different outlooks and aims in life. I find it slightly creepy (sorry) that a 36 year old would see a 16 year old in this way. Even now it's still a bit wrong, I don't think age gaps are really easy to deal with until the younger partner is at least mid-20s.
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    He never chatted me up it was never anything like that, we err just training together.. It was never meant to happen it just did I'm not saying I definitely will end it but how will I get through that after everything we've been through together, I know he will never speak to me again and I have no close friends around me at university to confide in


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    (Original post by Mrs Pineapple)
    Having said that, the age gap does make me uneasy anyway. You may not realise it now at 19, but there is a very big difference between a 16 year old and a 36 year old, regardless of maturity they will have different outlooks and aims in life. I find it slightly creepy (sorry) that a 36 year old would see a 16 year old in this way. Even now it's still a bit wrong, I don't think age gaps are really easy to deal with until the younger partner is at least mid-20s.
    Agree, I think beyond 20 it is a question of maturity. By that same principle, even a guy of 26 going out with a 16 year old would be odd.
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    (Original post by That.Girl)
    Hello. I'm 19 and currently in my first year at Uni. Basically I'm seeing some one who's 20 years older. He doesn't look that much older and definitely doesn't act it. We never meant to fall in love we just enjoyed each others company so much and now were in a happy relationship and have been for nearly 3 years. Do you think it's really wrong? My parents do! They banned me from seeing him when they found out they took away my phone, my laptop and even my car so there was no way of me contacting him and it was heart breaking! We finally got back in contact but this happened 3 times, my dad stopped speaking to me for 3 months and my sister wouldn't even look at me. My boyfriend makes me so happy, he's older so alot more mature, sometimes I think they would prefer me to be messed around/ sleeping around and getting hurt by guys my own age just because what I'm doing isn't the 'norm'. My boyfriend has moved away to Uni with me so we get to see each other all the time which is great but I hate betraying my family as we are all so close and I love them to bits. They would be distraught if they found out again. So what do I do? I couldn't choose between him and my family and that's what my family will make me do if they ever find out. I know a few other people who are seeing guys a lot older but they come from different background and there family seem to approve. What do I do about this?!


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    How do you two get closer?
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    (Original post by That.Girl)
    He never chatted me up it was never anything like that, we err just training together.. It was never meant to happen it just did I'm not saying I definitely will end it but how will I get through that after everything we've been through together, I know he will never speak to me again and I have no close friends around me at university to confide in


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    By the sounds of it, even though you were backing up the relationship at the start, you did start this post knowing that you were anting to break up with him, but just dont know how.

    Of course you'll "get through it". What's really going to happen? You have your family, and perhaps friends back home? You must at least know people at unversity; you say you do go out. Build up more of a relationship with them. Join societies etc. There are always people around to talk to
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    (Original post by Mother_Russia)
    By the sounds of it, even though you were backing up the relationship at the start, you did start this post knowing that you were anting to break up with him, but just dont know how.

    Of course you'll "get through it". What's really going to happen? You have your family, and perhaps friends back home? You must at least know people at unversity; you say you do go out. Build up more of a relationship with them. Join societies etc. There are always people around to talk to
    You will find this will be the opinion of most.


    Mega cliche but you will grow massively as a person and adult off of the back of a break-up. 6 months down the line you will be able to look back objectively and learn from what's happening now.
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    It angers me when parents react the way yours did, because it just makes you feel less supported by them-so then you feel more inclined to run to the other people in your life for help, or even just the one person you're being 'protected' from!
    The insecurities worry me, as does the fact this seems to have taken over your life. To be fair though those things can happen in any relationship no matter what the age of the partners.

    I would deal with your parents by being quite matter of fact about it. Keep them at a distance from it, don't confide in them about anything, I find if you give people a 10% picture of your life, they tend to think they know the 100% of it. Just tell them you still see this guy, and that's that. If they react badly just say 'Look, I'm really quite stressed out about this now-it's a relationship like any other and I've got plenty other things to think about'. Or something. Be calm about it to them.
    It gets much easier the older you get. You're an adult now. See to your relationship and the other things in your life and sort things out so you're in a better place. It's a shame your parents have been the way they have because now you will likely feel more determined to make the relationship work and ignore all the bad things about it-hence why this sort of thing makes me angry but that's just my experience talking.
    I've always been with men older than me and It's more or less a concious decision, since my first guy when I was 21 I've always found older men more attractive. My boyfriend now is 15 years older than me but as I'm a fully fledged adult now, it doesn't matter as much.
    Good luck!
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    We just got closer through training together and we started texting.. Don't really know how it happened!!! Maybe I was two flirty, I loves going training with him and the thing he has said before is that no one has ever enjoyed being in his company so much which he really appreciates.
    Thanks sugarmouse. I appreciate everyone's feedback but hearing from you reassures me. I feel like I need to break up with him for everyone's else's sake but he makes me happy, I'm sure we will eventually see through the petty arguments. Do people judge you and your fella or do people just see it as being ok, I know in years to come for me it won't look so bad as people still see me as a young girl. My parents have pushed me towards him more through the way they reacted, he's been there for me 100%


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    He wasn't my official boyfriend at 16 and as I said before nothing intimate happened until I was 17/18 you donkey brain adolfhitler. Please stop saying hurtful things


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    You'll be doing the right thing by breaking up with him and you will find a nice guy closer to your own age. Your boyfriend probably makes you feel secure as he's so much older & mature in his outlook. From your boyfriends point of view you were probably a trophy girlfriend, somebody he could show off to his friends etc. The fact you had to post the question about the huge age gap on TSR means you must have known deep down it didn't feel right.
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    Ah that's a very good point..


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    I'm listening to both sides I just don't appreciate the way your commenting


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    (Original post by That.Girl)
    We just got closer through training together and we started texting.. Don't really know how it happened!!! Maybe I was two flirty, I loves going training with him and the thing he has said before is that no one has ever enjoyed being in his company so much which he really appreciates.
    Thanks sugarmouse. I appreciate everyone's feedback but hearing from you reassures me. I feel like I need to break up with him for everyone's else's sake but he makes me happy, I'm sure we will eventually see through the petty arguments. Do people judge you and your fella or do people just see it as being ok, I know in years to come for me it won't look so bad as people still see me as a young girl. My parents have pushed me towards him more through the way they reacted, he's been there for me 100%


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    I think you should say him that your Uni is very important and if it for both of you usefull if you have your life and that you gain a collegue diplom.

    Defintly, dont break your Uni because it is important for your future.
 
 
 
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