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    (Original post by That.Girl)
    I knew him years before so I know all about him and his background, he's honestly the most genuine caring person I have ever met he will do anything for me. He should have just walked away in the first place your right and he says that but we couldn't help falling for each other. I am happy with him most of the time but we fall out a lot with our insecurities because of the age gap. That's why I don't go out often to save causing argument, I'd never do anything on him but he always thinks I'm out cheating. But all of him friends seem to be dating women a lot younger..


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    That right there is something you should be warey of. He seems to be playing you for a fool and judging by everything you said, he was attracted to you when you were under 16 and just waited until you were 16 to start making a move.

    He is obviously happy getting to have sex with a young female who hasn't been hit too badly by gravity but this really should end. I am not surprised that he was forced to leave the area by your dad, he is lucky your dad didn't attack him every time he saw him.

    It just comes across like he was grooming you from a young age.
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    (Original post by That.Girl)
    I knew him years before so I know all about him and his background, he's honestly the most genuine caring person I have ever met he will do anything for me. He should have just walked away in the first place your right and he says that but we couldn't help falling for each other. I am happy with him most of the time but we fall out a lot with our insecurities because of the age gap. That's why I don't go out often to save causing argument, I'd never do anything on him but he always thinks I'm out cheating. But all of him friends seem to be dating women a lot younger..


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Please just read your post through, because it's worrying me now.

    - he knew you when you were literally a child
    - you fall out a lot
    - he controls you by causing arguments and accusing you of cheating when you want to go out
    - this has lead to you not making friends at uni, so feeling totally reliant on him
    - possibly most disturbing, he has a group of friends who're all dating young girls!

    It really sounds like he has so much power over you, he's alienated you from your family and stopped you making friends. Do you really believe he thinks you're going to cheat if you go out? I doubt it, this is just him being controlling.
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    He was your mother's friend right? Perhaps she's so angry because she knows something you don't. In all honestly, I find it slightly weird that he's interested you due to the age gap, you're both at very different stages in life. I think your parents worries are only confirmed by his controlling behaviour towards you and the fact it's imminent within his friendship group suggests it won't change. I think you should break it off with him asap.
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    Thanks H0ls yes that's right, and you never know, I don't know whether I should talk to my mum about it first before breaking it off.. I don't even know how I'd break it off if I'm honest but the control he has on me just isn't right anymore


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    I honestly believe my mum would have told me if there was something dodgy about him to put me off him. I don't know whether to confide in my mum to see what she has to say before breaking it off..
    I think I've made this sound much more worse than it is. There was never any sexual attraction on both parts until I was 17 going on 18 we just enjoyed each others company before that and he definitely didn't see me in that was under that age!
    I do feel like I need a break from him now and then, I always wonder if I'd be a lot happier if things turned out different and this never happened
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    (Original post by That.Girl)
    I honestly believe my mum would have told me if there was something dodgy about him to put me off him. I don't know whether to confide in my mum to see what she has to say before breaking it off..
    I think I've made this sound much more worse than it is. There was never any sexual attraction on both parts until I was 17 going on 18 we just enjoyed each others company before that and he definitely didn't see me in that was under that age!
    I do feel like I need a break from him now and then, I always wonder if I'd be a lot happier if things turned out different and this never happened
    At what age did he begin to enjoy your company?
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    I was always shy of him and any one else to be honest, it was only when we started training together and i got to know him more at 16 that we really started to get on.. Then I turned 17..18 and it turned into more


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    this is very wrong...the man is 40 years old and ur just under 20.....hitler is right, that guy could be a pedophile and is just using you to get in your pants..

    why cant u find guys ur age at your uni? i dont understand?
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    (Original post by That.Girl)
    I was always shy of him and any one else to be honest, it was only when we started training together and i got to know him more at 16 that we really started to get on.. Then I turned 17..18 and it turned into more


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    Please, for the sake of humanity just tell your "boyfriend" to get a life, and stop dating almost lawfully-minor teens. Only total CREEPS do this.

    Your parents are trying to save you and protect you from this mess, and this were to happen to my child, I would definitely not show anything less than the reaction your parents gave.

    You are causing your parents a lot of unnecessary stress. So just dump him ffs, and don't even think about the other side of the argument for a moment longer as you are clearly disillusioned.
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    I would be with guys my age but I've committed to this relationship. I'm not really interested in anyone else, if I was I wouldn't be with him. He's definitely not using me, he left his whole life behind for me.. But I know it's wrong, well at least I used to think it was, the older I get the more better it seems


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    My sister's boyfriend was 10 years older than her when they 1st started going out (18yrs for him and 28yrs for him). My parents were against it but they lasted 3 years(the same amount of time she was in college). By the end of it though she was after consuming so much of her time with him she has no close friends as such. She never did the college thing and went out (though she doesn't drink and she said that was the main reason but that's no excuse) and spent every spare minute with him. This has bit her in the a** and she can get upset that she has no close friends to go out with etc. This is disheartening for me and my other sister especially but in a way it was self inflicted.

    He seems to be very possessive and jealous of you and your 'new life' in college and having arguments that are stemmed from the age gap is a sign that you should end things. Also do not give up college as you will be looking back on it thinking how immature your decision was.. it is important to live your life and don't let anyone prevent you from reaching your potential.

    You have grown to know him over a period of time so you do know him to an extent, but defending him is no excuse for how upset it is making you feel. Your insecurities seem to be almost crippling you to the stage where you have to ask strangers for advice as you cannot turn to your family. Try to stop seeing him through rose tinted glasses.

    There are plenty of guys your age out there and i'm sure they would treat you better

    It is your own decision and whatever you do I wish you the best
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    (Original post by Mother_Russia)
    Ok. This is much more worrying than the age gap. Even if he was your age, there is no reason why you should be saying these things.

    Go out, enjoy yourself. Meet people from your university, you life should not revolve around him.

    Maybe, this is why your parents were concerned. Not just because he's 30 years older. But maybe, because he's stopping you (not consciously, perhaps) from living your own life, having that youth etc.
    This. Oh hell yes so much this. You're 19 years old. You're an adult, and technically only answer to yourself, and perhaps the only way to get your relationship through to your parents is to tell them this. After three years together, perhaps you are in love. But I'll be honest, this doesn't sound like it. This sounds like someone who simply doesn't know anything else other than what she's got.
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    Thank you, that sounds exactly the same as what I'm going through. Maybe your right it's for the best If I end this now. Thanks for your advice, I need to open my eyes!


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    He started coming onto you when you were 17? Stranger danger
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    17/18 - 37/38 still as disgusting as 16 and 36. That's just my opinion.
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    He's made you not to like uni. People at that age have the tendency to completely brainwash the younger generation. Sad thing is girls actually fall for it. Try getting away from him and see how crazy he acts and you'll know he's in this because he wanted to **** you. If he was any good he would have left you himself, he would have respected the relationship between him and your parents. Trust everyone that's telling you to leave him. It's not just because of the age but it's also because this will totally finish you! There so much out there for you don't fall for men like that. Fall for a real man that will put your family first.


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    I love how automatically people are saying pedophile and don't trust him.

    We do not know who he is. Or how he is with you. I personally don't agree on the age difference. Not because I don't trust him or because I think he is in to little kids. He is so much older. So much more mature that it won't work out and won't last forever. When your 40 he will be 60. You need to think about your future for a second, be selfish. Don't think about it with him. Just think where you want to be. What you want to achieve. Children maybe. Travel the world. Don't waste it on someone who may get bored of been with a immature uni student. Eventually it will get like that. You need to enjoy your life at uni. Concentrate on your course And your uni friends. Maybe have a break from him?

    You just need to think about you. You live once. Your young once. Don't waste life


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    ...is he rich?
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    (Original post by That.Girl)
    Thank you, that sounds exactly the same as what I'm going through. Maybe your right it's for the best If I end this now. Thanks for your advice, I need to open my eyes!


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    I personally think you are doing the right thing by ending it, you need to go out and enjoy life and not be tied down by someone who doesn't seem happy with you going out etc.
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    (Original post by study beats)
    this is very wrong...the man is 40 years old and ur just under 20.....hitler is right, that guy could be a pedophile and is just using you to get in your pants..

    why cant u find guys ur age at your uni? i dont understand?
    She's 19. Peodophiles are people who are sexually attracted to children. 19 is an adult in the eyes of the law.

    (Original post by That.Girl)
    We just got closer through training together and we started texting.. Don't really know how it happened!!! Maybe I was two flirty, I loves going training with him and the thing he has said before is that no one has ever enjoyed being in his company so much which he really appreciates.
    Thanks sugarmouse. I appreciate everyone's feedback but hearing from you reassures me. I feel like I need to break up with him for everyone's else's sake but he makes me happy, I'm sure we will eventually see through the petty arguments. Do people judge you and your fella or do people just see it as being ok, I know in years to come for me it won't look so bad as people still see me as a young girl. My parents have pushed me towards him more through the way they reacted, he's been there for me 100%


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    If he makes you happy, then work on it. If you deep down do not feel he's right for you, then don't. There are plenty of horrible people of all ages, not so many good ones. It does get easier once people stop seeing you as someone too young to think for herself.
    When I was 21, my boyfriend was almost 40....People's opinions I never really listen to (because nobody really knows about relationships they are not in!) but they did get to me a little-people used to talk so much rubbish at me. E.G, they'd say things like 'Ah what about when you want to go out partying and he wants to stay in because he's old and he's done all that!!' It's just rubbish. There are plenty of older people who love to go out and plenty of younger people who really aren't so interested in it, and all that's in between that. People are not just in boxes with labels on them, everyone is different (strangely enough, one of the reasons we split up is because I couldn't keep up with his recreational activities, my health was suffering from lack of sleep and going out all the time, he was a proper party animal-I was like, 20 years younger and quite happy to stay at home !)
    Now I'm older, my boyfriend is more than 15 years older than me. The gap's not as large but it's there. I don't find men my own age, younger, or just a bit older attractive-what that says about me I do not know (or care really!) but people still say things. I think a lot of the reason they do is because I look younger than I am, and he's a proper 'man' kind of thing, he's large, beer belly and stuff and I'm the opposite, I'm small and young looking, so people make judgements on him, and say I can do better.

    But better is very subjective isn't it. If you find what someone's got to offer you, attractive, you like them and they improve your quality of life, then what does it matter what year they were put on the planet?

    30s isn't 'old'. 40 isn't old. I've seen people in their twenties who look far more haggared and dried up than some in their forties who take better care of themselves and love life and live it.... And another thing, I wouldn't worry about 'When I'm 30 he'll be 50' sort of thoughts. IF you were with a guy your own age, he might get to his late twenties, get fat start drinking lots of beer and never want to go out and just let himself go. He might have an accident and end up with a walking stick/wheelchair. Your guy now may get into his late forties and become a fitness freak and you feel like you're unhealthy in comparison even though you're younger. This relationship might not work out. A relationship with a younger guy, might not work out!


    Just make sure you do the best for you-worrying is toxic . If you're enjoying your relationship and you feel supported and cared for, then you've got more than many-just make sure you continue to grow as a person.


    Phew that was a bit of an essay, It's a good job I learned to type fast!lol
 
 
 
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