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    He's a fitness freak too!!! Thank you for your response that makes me feel better


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    I felt so concerned reading this- I registered just to reply. I've been there, done that. I married someone 16 years older than me- if I could live my life over again I wouldn't have. i met him when I was 20. Guys who go for very young girls are predators and they are usually pretty controlling- like your boyfriend- you will realise this when you get older. They often go for younger girls because older women with life experience are much harder to control, can see through them and won't put up with them.

    Being with someone so much older you are never able to be truly young and you will be very sad about that at some stage. Eventually you will realise that you missed out on your youth and are married to an old man while you are still in your prime.

    Just end it and get into uni life properly. I know the guys your age are immature at the moment, but they will grow up. Stick with your age group and go out and have fun and experience life.

    It concerns me that you really don't know your own mind and are swayed by every opinion that someone gives in this thread. But maybe just think about the fact that the people who love you most and know both you and the guy- your family- are totally opposed and they must have good reason.
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    I really don't know what to do.


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    (Original post by worried6425)
    I felt so concerned reading this- I registered just to reply. I've been there, done that. I married someone 16 years older than me- if I could live my life over again I wouldn't have. i met him when I was 20. Guys who go for very young girls are predators and they are usually pretty controlling- like your boyfriend- you will realise this when you get older. They often go for younger girls because older women with life experience are much harder to control, can see through them and won't put up with them.

    Being with someone so much older you are never able to be truly young and you will be very sad about that at some stage. Eventually you will realise that you missed out on your youth and are married to an old man while you are still in your prime.

    Just end it and get into uni life properly. I know the guys your age are immature at the moment, but they will grow up. Stick with your age group and go out and have fun and experience life.

    It concerns me that you really don't know your own mind and are swayed by every opinion that someone gives in this thread. But maybe just think about the fact that the people who love you most and know both you and the guy- your family- are totally opposed and they must have good reason.
    To be fair, this is just your opinon based on one experience , your own. You don't KNOW that the same will happen to somebody else. There are plenty of age gapped relationships that work, and plenty of non-age gapped ones, that do not. One thing I've learned as I get older is that just because someone is older than you, i.e in this case, her family-does not mean they necessarily know best-they can be opposed because of their own small-minded reasons, and let that influence their every opinion . I've learned this the hard way . I'm not saying you're wrong and that this won't happen to her!But the reality is, you don't know it will-and I don't know it won't. Just because you've seen an age gap relationship and it didn't work well for you, doesn't mean all relationships like that, will be the same.
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    I'll tell you about my relationship with a guy who is 17 years older than me. We met because he drank where I worked and it started off as a one night stand (initiated by me, not him.) After a week or two of being casual, he asked me out and I warily agreed - like you I didn't want people judging me or him, and I was scared to tell my parents.

    We've been together nearly 2 years now. People who I work with/drink with have no qualms with our relationship at all, they never did. They knew he was a genuinely nice guy, and not just preying on someone half his age, or looking for a playgirl booty call. My friends outside my work were also fine - they knew I'd been involved with older guys before (though not more than 10 years.)

    I was nervous about introducing him to my mum and my step dad, worried what they'd think or say. He's only 3 years younger than my mum. I actually was with him over 6 months before they met him. My younger sister met him first, before Id even mentioned him to my parents, but she obviously let slip. So one night, on my birthday we were drinking in the pub and they said they wanted to meet him. As they were drunk, I introduced my parents to him, on the condition they wouldn't make any nasty remarks. After, they told me that he seemed nice and as long as he made me happy that was all that mattered to them.

    I could tell they were still a little wary about his intentions but after over a year of seeing him, and drinking with him and me bringing him to family engagements they've accepted him - they even bought him a christmas present. So sometimes, people do change their opinions after a while, especially if they see both parties have no hidden intentions.

    Just wanted to write this to help you feel a little better and show it can work out and people do come round to the idea.
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    (Original post by worried6425)
    I felt so concerned reading this- I registered just to reply. I've been there, done that. I married someone 16 years older than me- if I could live my life over again I wouldn't have. i met him when I was 20. Guys who go for very young girls are predators and they are usually pretty controlling- like your boyfriend- you will realise this when you get older. They often go for younger girls because older women with life experience are much harder to control, can see through them and won't put up with them.
    Being with someone so much older you are never able to be truly young and you will be very sad about that at some stage. Eventually you will realise that you missed out on your youth and are married to an old man while you are still in your prime.
    You say that like you've met every single guy who goes for younger women when I can testify that my boyfriend is the exact opposite. Never once has he tried to control me, stop me doing anything I wanted to do - hell, I even told him I was off backpacking for 2 weeks over summer with a couple of guys and another girl and he was fine about it. If anything, I'm the controlling one and I tell him what to do.

    Also, not everybody (I'm not saying me particularly) has that youthful, 'I want to travel/party/take drugs/do silly things' attitude - some people just want to go uni for their grades, get a job and settle down.
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    Thanks so much for your response, may I ask how old you are? it seems easier being a bit older..?


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    I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if I missed something or this has been said.

    This isn't going to go down well on my part mainly due to the "it's none of their business what I do, I'm over 16" culture these days.

    As soon as I read that this guy was a friend of your Mum's that was it for me. I honestly feel for her because what you've done must feel like a betrayal to her. She brought someone into her life as a friend. When you introduce your family to a friend of yours, it's kind of unspoken they aren't gonna make a move on them.

    My sister is 10 years younger than me and my brother is 8. If I brought a friend home and either of them ended up being with my brother or sister then I'd be done with both of them.

    I can't imagine how your parents feel. They invite a man who's around their age into their lives and he ends up being with their daughter. I'm not an overprotective person, I'm not gonna be the type of Dad that snarls at every person that walks into one of my childrens lives but I would feel extremely betrayed if someone I brought in as a friend started seeing one of my children then I would consider it a betrayal on both parts. I can't think of many things that would make me stop talking to one of my children but this would be one of them.

    "It's nobody's business who she goes out with, She's adult" will be the universal response and I think that's bull tbh. I would never start seeing one of my family members friends. You can help who you fall for. When a good friend of mine passed away his sister became very attached to me and I felt the same. Nothing ever happened and looking back it was a great decision. You walk away in situations like this and find someone else. Your parents have probably done a lot for you and you couldn't even do that for them. That's really wrong if you ask me but hell what do I know ?
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    You probably don't want to hear this about your partner, but I think it very sinister for a person much older to want a relationship with someone in their teens. Reeks of power play. And you say you feel dependant on him?

    May I ask, what is his history with previous girlfriends? If they have all been 16-20 and/or much younger than him - well I consider it a red flag. There is something very creepy about a person who consistently selects naivety in their romantic partners and I wouldn't be inclined to believe you were ever "just friends" as far as he's concerned, if that were the case.

    That said I have met the odd exception to the rule.
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    (Original post by That.Girl)
    Thanks so much for your response, may I ask how old you are? it seems easier being a bit older..?


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    I;m only 22 so not much older than you. Believe me, I know the grief that comes with age drifference relationships but honestly if you two are serious it's worth it. I still have qualms about us holding hands in public places and stuff as alot of people frown on it, but I honestly wouldn't change my boyfriend for anything. Just let people see you are serious, and happy together
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    (Original post by Tw1x)
    You say that like you've met every single guy who goes for younger women when I can testify that my boyfriend is the exact opposite. Never once has he tried to control me, stop me doing anything I wanted to do - hell, I even told him I was off backpacking for 2 weeks over summer with a couple of guys and another girl and he was fine about it. If anything, I'm the controlling one and I tell him what to do.
    Be responsible. Your bf sounds lovely, but the OP has described hers as being controlling, them having lots of fights, and she feeling dependant on him and losing her friends/life etc

    There are a lot of alarm bells in her relationship the age-gap totally aside. It isn't the same one as you have just because the age gap is similar - and your bf also didn't pick you up when you were just 16, did he?

    37-20 is unusual, but you were a grown up. Contrast that to the 36-16 the OP started with and her descriptions of a manipulative relationship with a man in a circle of friends all picking up (dare I say targeting) much younger women. I do not think advising her to ignore the problems in her relationship, and the concern of everyone around her is sage advice, to be blunt.
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    My mum knew him through me as we were both in the same sporting club so it's not as though I betrayed her in that sense. His previous relationships were with people his age, what happened with us was never meant to happen it just did and we could help feeling the way we do about each other from just spending quality time together nothing more. We weren't together when I was 16 just good friends.


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    You're 19. He's 20 years older, and you've been together 3 years?!


    What you've done there is "fall in love" with a professional groomer.

    How the hell does a 16 year old meet a 36 year old, and spend a load of time with him such that they "enjoy each others company" anyway? A teacher?
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    2years and a half really I'm 20 soon. We just joined the same sport club and he coached everyone but the main coach was picking on me so he was just nice and tried to help me out and to get better than everyone else.. Which meant we spent more time together just us two


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    (Original post by Pigling)
    You probably don't want to hear this about your partner, but I think it very sinister for a person much older to want a relationship with someone in their teens. Reeks of power play. And you say you feel dependant on him?

    May I ask, what is his history with previous girlfriends? If they have all been 16-20 and/or much younger than him - well I consider it a red flag. There is something very creepy about a person who consistently selects naivety in their romantic partners and I wouldn't be inclined to believe you were ever "just friends" as far as he's concerned, if that were the case.

    That said I have met the odd exception to the rule.
    After reading through this thread I got a sort of bad feeling and those 4 words sum it up.

    OP I think the major points are that:
    a) His intentions are unclear, whether what happened between you really happened naturally or if he saw the opportunity and decided to keep you for a while by using mind games. Maybe throw out some testers such as you go clubbing and make more friends and see his reaction, or is there anything that he makes you feel guilty about doing?
    b) It seems he is stopping you from fully enjoying your life, and you have to ask yourself if he's worth it and if you guys really do have a future ? Does he want kids or to settle down and is that what you want ?

    Only you can decide whether staying with him is the right decision, YOU!
    That being said, if I were you I'd move on right now.
 
 
 
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