Cor, thanks.!(Original post by Pedd)
Again, the essence of the story is easily followable and interesting. Keep on at it. I'll very happily keep up to date with it!
Once in a while, go back and see whether you can modify the language. Your level of description is balanced, but you have a tendency of repeating when it's not required, eg: 'the boy'.
I'm always trying to modify and improve everything, including the language. I know I have the tendency to repeat things when they're not needed without realising.
Is freshers still worth it?