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Abusive Parents? Abusive Teachers? Does EVERYONE hate me? Watch

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    Sorry if it's in the wrong section.

    I'm unsure what to do and appreciate it if anyone can help me.

    I'm 15 years old now, a stereotypical age to hate your parents but I think there isn't something quite right, and I don't know what to do about it.

    My parents had me by accident, and from a very early age...I somewhat knew instinctively that they didn't want me. But I carried on without telling them. They placed me with obviously abusive carers then refused to do anything when I complained to them about it. These are incidents taking place between the ages of 3-7.

    But then it got worse, slowly.

    I got very very badly bullied at school, didn't even have one friend. Even the teachers joined in bullying me, saying I'm useless and that I don't belong here. I repeatedly asked for my parents intervention, believing they'd do something...but it never came. Rather, even at the age of 8, they screamed at me, similar things, and left me on my own with no human contact for long periods of time.

    Then I moved up to secondary school.

    I went in, believing I could somehow turn my situation around with bullying. But I was very wrong. It got much worse, I was getting beaten up, threatened to be killed often, things were stolen from me, and social and emotional bullying was prominent. Teachers refused to do anything, actually joining in just like primary school. Even girls joined in, often bringing in a sexual element to the bullying, to make me feel inadequate.

    I eventually realized just how desperate my situation was, so I began self harming (yes, to attention seek) to prove that I wasn't lying. But the teachers just let me bleed and bleed, right in front of them (since I began self harming in school itself).

    At the same time, my parents were giving me a non ending torrent of hatred.

    They (and still do):

    -Threatened to kill me and the other parent
    -Told me often that I'm "diseased" and shouldn't be around them
    -Often screamed at me, telling me how horrible and rubbish I am
    -Sometimes, trying to force me to watch pornography with them, when I was very clearly against the conversation whatsoever
    -Occasionally hit me or pushed me into walls.
    -Never speak to me, or show any emotion to me whatsoever.
    -Refused me psychological support
    -Neglected my nutritional needs, even though they are well off financially
    -Putting incredible exam pressure on me, whilst remaining indifferent to my actual result and exam/revision conduct.
    -Told me they deserved a better child, that they were going to leave, or that I'd be kicked out
    -Branded me as a criminal against them
    -Denied they did anything like this
    -Plus a lot more

    But they did give me shelter, (most of the time) food, clothes, birthdays and christmases.

    Eventually my depression became so bad, I tried to amputate my hand in school, to force an intervention, successfully. I didn't amputate it, but caused a deep wound in my wrist.

    I was forced to go to A&E and they set up weekly sessions with a psychiatrist and gave me a freaking plaster, then sent me home.

    My parents remained indifferent, actually they seemed to enjoy taunting me about the situation. I eventually attempted suicide but failed and nobody cared, actually they encouraged me to try again.

    Somehow, after a while on medication I improved back to roughly normal, never self harmed for 4 months so far.

    But I still:

    -Don't have friends
    -Have a bad relationship with my parents
    -Am emotionally scarred.

    My questions for you:

    1) Is this child abuse by my parents?
    2) Is this my fault?
    3) Will I ever get better?
    4) What do I do about my parents?
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    1) Is this child abuse by my parents? Its not ideal behaviour. Abusive tho, a bit far I think.
    2) Is this my fault? No
    3) Will I ever get better? This depends. You will get better but you need to seek professional help.
    4) What do I do about my parents? I dont know.
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    I think this would almost certainly count as abuse of some kind.

    OP, I'm really sorry that you're in such a horrible situation, and I'm not sure how much use my advice will be, but here is what I've got to say:

    If you're still seeing the psychiatrist, try and be completely honest with him/her, and it is possible that they will be of some help. If they think you are in danger, they may have to pass stuff on, but they would only ever do this for reasons of safety and welfare. Alternatively they may just be able to listen and do their best to help.

    Next, I would do your best to find another adult who you trust and can support you. Given all you've said I appreciate that this may not be easy, but it could be anyone: school staff, trusted aunt/uncle yet. If you can find someone who will help you in this way, then it should hopefully make things easier.

    In terms of making friends, maybe look outside of school: see if you can join some sort club, since you will find people with common interests and this can be a starting point for friendship.

    Overall though, don't beat yourself up too much. Seeing the psych is an important first step, and things might take a while to really get better, and that is not in any way your fault, and neither is the way you are being treated.

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    (Original post by Laomedeia)
    1) Is this child abuse by my parents? Its not ideal behaviour. Abusive tho, a bit far I think.
    2) Is this my fault? No
    3) Will I ever get better? This depends. You will get better but you need to seek professional help.
    4) What do I do about my parents? I dont know.
    A parent trying to force a child to watch pornography when they are under age would be EASILY taken up by social services.

    OP, I come from an abusive background - I worked my ass off to get to University so I could get the hell away. It does get so much better. Ignore their crap and achieve what YOU want to achieve. You can then in the future feel so damn proud, like I do, with the battles you fought and knowing you earned what you got off your own back. Prove them wrong, prove to yourself you're capable of anything you set your mind too and YOU have the strength and power over your own life x
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    I just want to say I'm really sad to hear your situation and really if you ever need anybody to talk to, just to vent, rant, or even just for normal mundane everyday conversation, drop me a message and I'd be happy to talk.

    Moving on from that though:
    1) Is this child abuse by my parents?

    I think appears pretty clear to be, I mean there's definitely verbal abuse in there as well as the occasional hitting or pushing into walls.

    2) Is this my fault?

    No way, no way. Don't you ever blame yourself okay? It's not your fault at all. Your parents sound pretty horrible and all those other people too...

    3) Will I ever get better?

    You will get better if you want to get better, but it won't be easy that's what you need to remember. Well, I'm sure by the sounds of it you are a pretty strong person and you can understand how none of it will be even remotely easy. There are people who can help you f.e. as you're see a professional now that should help. The one advice I will give to you though is that only you can save yourself. Others can help but no matter how much they want to... unfortunately only you can save yourself. But I have faith that you can do it, you sound like you've gone through a lot but you're still here in the end. And that's good.

    4) What do I do about my parents?

    They honestly don't sound like they are people you can reason with so I guess you should get help from elsewhere and if it's possible just to refrain from communicating with them if you have to. I'm going to assume you've told the psychiatrist about your parents? And if not I would advise you to do so.

    I really hope things work out for you and be proud of yourself that you've not self harmed for so long. To a lot of people they will just think 4 months sounds like nothing but those who think that don't understand the extent of how hard it actually is to refrain from doing so.
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    (Original post by laeof)
    A parent trying to force a child to watch pornography when they are under age would be EASILY taken up by social services.

    OP, I come from an abusive background - I worked my ass off to get to University so I could get the hell away. It does get so much better. Ignore their crap and achieve what YOU want to achieve. You can then in the future feel so damn proud, like I do, with the battles you fought and knowing you earned what you got off your own back. Prove them wrong, prove to yourself you're capable of anything you set your mind too and YOU have the strength and power over your own life x
    I must confess I didnt actually read most of the original post, still havent.
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    (Original post by Laomedeia)
    I must confess I didnt actually read most of the original post, still havent.
    Then why bother commenting... your first comment didn't offer any sort of help to the OP, which is the reason why he posted on here in the first place...

    OP, is there someone in your school that you can turn to, who could possibly try and get social services involved? have your parents tried to force you to watch porn or anything else again? I would definitely count this as abuse, maybe they haven't turned physical yet but what they've done has mentally scarred you and its most definitely mental abuse. It's not your fault either, don't ever feel like you deserve any of this.

    There are a number of hotlines available as well, such as Childine: http://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/Home.aspx take a look at this link and see if you find anything useful on there...

    Also if your school has any sort of counselling service I would definitely look into that as well.

    Hope things work out with you OP xx
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    (Original post by tania<3)
    Then why bother commenting... your first comment didn't offer any sort of help to the OP, which is the reason why he posted on here in the first place...
    Clearly I wasnt. This is a web forum so I just post at random. Not to be confused with anything that could reasonably be called "bothering".
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    Yes it is child abuse. No it is not your fault, and you will get better, as soon as you can just cut your parents out of your life, you deserve better.

    I hope things improve for you, nobody deserves that kind of treatment


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    (Original post by Laomedeia)
    I must confess I didnt actually read most of the original post, still havent.
    Perhaps for sensitive topics containing aspects like abuse, it may be best not replying if you don't have time (not digging at you, just suggesting)
 
 
 
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