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Do I choose my boyfriend or my family? Watch

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    Im 20 years old but feel like im 14 when i live at home. Im currently at uni and im with my boyfriend of over a year who is 24. I hate to use the word abuse because I know its not abuse but my parents terrify me. My mum I thik has mental issues she is very very aggressive when she doesnt get her own way with my ex she told me I had to leave him and when I refused she made my life hell, she would slap me pin me up against walls and dig her nails into me or shed punch me and spit in my face, and swear at me. My dad also has a temper and my mum use to say that I had upset her so my dad would get angry he pulled me down the stairs by my hair use to hit me and get angry and throw stuff at me. They cut up my bank card and my sim card so i couldnt talk to anybody and hid my car keys so i was totally reliant and dependent on them this lasted for months and in the end i left my ex to keep them happy.

    Since theyve believed ive been single its been fine at home they still get angry at me and shout at me and sometimes raise a hand to me but theyve not actually hurt me or made me life a living hell. My boyfriend is wonderful i love him and can see mysefl with him forever. But my mum is so possseive and controlling if I tell her I have a boyfriend what happend last time will happen again, she gets jealous if somebody else takes me attention she will not let me out the house shell be asking to check my phone etc etc. I know its easy to say that im 20 i should tell them to **** off and do what i like but im bloody terrified of them i cannont endure what i went through last time i felt sucicidal like i was stuck in a hole trapped and im so scared of that happening again. I know she will find something wrong with him whether it be that hes older or what not but i know it will end up either me having to leave him or my mum putting so much pressure on me that we will jusst end up being teared apart.

    Im so happy at the moment at univeristy, my boyfriend comes and stays every other weekend all my friends love him, i do what i want at uni its not just boyfrined but also she banned me from having friends she didnt like back home so im like a brand new person at uni and so sos happy i feel like im living my fairytale. In the holidays I have pretended i got a job in a pub so i can go see my boyfriend.

    I know its terrible to lie but im literally in the situation of choosing either my boyfreiend and keeping him a secret until im older and able to move out and dont need any financial support from my parents or indeed to even live in their house, or tell them and face the abuse i suffered last time and know 100% it will rip me and my boyfriend apart. So what im asking is do you think its ok to lie until im in the situation i can tell them that they wont hurt me
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    Usually I would say to stick with your family as they would always be there. However, in your case, your family seem really abusive towards you, so I think you should set it straight with your parents that he is your boyfriend and that they should stop treating you like a child. Keeping secrets will just make them angrier if they find out.
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    Firstly, I am so sorry to hear of your situation. It is abuse what they have done to you. I would firstly go to your university and tell them about your situation, and ask them if there is any financial aid they can give you so that you don't have to be dependant on your parents.

    Secondly, is there any chance you could get a part time job at all to supplement this?

    I would do all you can to stay at university and not go home. Do you think there is any reason why they are like this with you when it comes to boyfriends?
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    You're 20, why are you still living in this environment when you don't have to? And I'm sorry to say this but, it most definitely DOES sound like abuse. Get out of there. Please get some help, your university will be able to help you, set up a meeting with a student support officer and have a chat with them about your options.

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by insignificant)
    Firstly, I am so sorry to hear of your situation. It is abuse what they have done to you. I would firstly go to your university and tell them about your situation, and ask them if there is any financial aid they can give you so that you don't have to be dependant on your parents.

    Secondly, is there any chance you could get a part time job at all to supplement this?

    I would do all you can to stay at university and not go home. Do you think there is any reason why they are like this with you when it comes to boyfriends?
    I was really sick about 3/4 yeaers ago and relied on my mum for everything and since then shes become really clingy and possesive its the same with friends im not allowed to go out with them or to the pub or cinema. When I dont do as she says she gets angry and flips and does this i cant juust tell them about him because i know what there do but at the same time i dont want to be a bad daughter but everythings ok at home while they dont know
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    Heres what you do, run away, stay for a good week or 2 with no contact, they will be so happy when they know u r safe. When u return use that agaisnt them, they made u run away and threaten to do it again and again.
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    First thing is first. Report your parents, what they are doing is illegal - I understand they are your family but they do not deserve your unconditional love. Secondly, try to move out as soon as possible and do whatever you can to make it happen.
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    You're not a bad daughter because you've got a boyfriend. Your family sounds horrible, is there no chance you can permanently move to your uni town?
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    Normally i'd say stick with family, blood runs thicker than water, etc.

    However, your situation seems extreme and dire.

    Why are they so controlling and aggressive? Is there any trigger or actual underlying reason for this?
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    Personally, I would also say stick with your family but as has been said above, your situation seems very different to mine. Firstly, I (i am talking just about myself here) would never have a boyfriend because of my religion, culture, etc but my parents are just not like that. They are really supportive and even in friends they don't ban me from anything but obviously like all parents they are protective and take care of me and don't want me to get hurt in any way but i love that and it is not at all like your situation. I feel sorry for you but i really do think that blood runs thicker than water. Whatever anybody says you will know your situation best and wish you luck in the future
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    Can't you report your parents for abusing you and using violence against you? This doesn't sound right, loving parents shouldn't behave like that.. You won't be able to hide him from your family, someone who knows your parents might see you with him and can report to your parents.
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    The problem here is not your boyfriend, it's your parents.

    You need to get out.

    Go to your uni and speak to a counsellor about your home life, you need to get out and you need help and support in getting out. You're parents have no right to treat you the way they do.

    Good luck, let us know what happen. :-)
 
 
 
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