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What is wrong with me? Watch

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    Hi there.

    I'm making this thread to address a situation that has just absolutely plagued me for years, and it's putting me on the brink of giving on on relationships as a whole. I'm a 19 year old male attending university, and I just seem absolutely incapable of doing anything correct in a relationship for myself. Many of my friends see me as the guy to speak to for relationship help, looking for advice, and how they can save something that might be going sour. Most of the time, my advice works out well, in some cases, it's worked out very well in the most improbable of situations.

    So, I ask myself why I seem utterly incapable of being able to attract a relationship with a girl. I mean, I'm not good looking by any means, I've asked for anonymous ratings before, and I generally get about 3.5-5.5/10, which I would agree with as a whole. Perhaps that is just one disadvantage, but even then, there is meant to be someone out there for everyone? Right?...

    Looking at other than the obvious, one thing that I severely question myself on is my current age, and the rest of my current generation. Whilst I continue to seek for my first ever relationship, I'm not looking for sex, or any of that kind of stuff, to me, that comes much later, when the other person is ready to go ahead with it. I view a relationship as a partner to care for, a person you can rely on to tell the full truth to, a person you can cuddle up to whilst watching a moving in the cinemas or a person you can have a nice day out with, holding hands, enjoying life. Is it that the majority of my current age group seek for something else, obviously more so in sex, and the whole effect of being laid for the first times in their lives?

    Another thing in question is my personality, I have absolutely no intention of ever betraying whomever ends up in a relationship with me. I know for a fact that I would be lucky to have said person, especially if I've come to like them, which generally means that they're out for a serious relationship, so why on earth would I throw that away? I would sacrifice my time and effort for whomever, I would essentially throw everything out of the window other than my education, family and friends to just be with whomever. Am I being too nice, or too weak in my personality? Do I need to strengthen up, and act differently in what I do?

    Then there is my initial approach to a person that I really care for... I know that I'm doing this wrong, but that is because I absolutely don't have the courage to stand out there, and to drop kinky/flirty lines... Because that isn't what I do, it isn't about the sex, or anything of such nature. I've taken a few people that I've liked in the past to several days and nights out, but are they really dates, or am I just being used for my money?

    I just don't know how to do this anymore, everyone that I know, says that my advice to them about relationships is incredible, and how I've saved their love life, and how it's helped people get together... But why do I struggle so much to follow my own advice? I've never been on a serious flirty date, I've never been kissed, I've never been passionately hugged, I don't understand what I'm doing that is SO wrong, that I can't even crack the foundations of beginning to make someone like me.

    It's just frustrating, I guess I've typed this out in a rant, to see if I can figure it out for myself, but it doesn't mean much...
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    I dont really have any advice, but you seem like a lovely guy and I hope you find the right girl for you.
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    Stop thinking, start flirting.
    It works.
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    you sound like a girl bro. thats not good.
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    (Original post by IxI_Rhys_IxI)
    Hi there.

    I'm making this thread to address a situation that has just absolutely plagued me for years, and it's putting me on the brink of giving on on relationships as a whole. I'm a 19 year old male attending university, and I just seem absolutely incapable of doing anything correct in a relationship for myself. Many of my friends see me as the guy to speak to for relationship help, looking for advice, and how they can save something that might be going sour. Most of the time, my advice works out well, in some cases, it's worked out very well in the most improbable of situations.

    So, I ask myself why I seem utterly incapable of being able to attract a relationship with a girl. I mean, I'm not good looking by any means, I've asked for anonymous ratings before, and I generally get about 3.5-5.5/10, which I would agree with as a whole. Perhaps that is just one disadvantage, but even then, there is meant to be someone out there for everyone? Right?...

    Looking at other than the obvious, one thing that I severely question myself on is my current age, and the rest of my current generation. Whilst I continue to seek for my first ever relationship, I'm not looking for sex, or any of that kind of stuff, to me, that comes much later, when the other person is ready to go ahead with it. I view a relationship as a partner to care for, a person you can rely on to tell the full truth to, a person you can cuddle up to whilst watching a moving in the cinemas or a person you can have a nice day out with, holding hands, enjoying life. Is it that the majority of my current age group seek for something else, obviously more so in sex, and the whole effect of being laid for the first times in their lives?

    Another thing in question is my personality, I have absolutely no intention of ever betraying whomever ends up in a relationship with me. I know for a fact that I would be lucky to have said person, especially if I've come to like them, which generally means that they're out for a serious relationship, so why on earth would I throw that away? I would sacrifice my time and effort for whomever, I would essentially throw everything out of the window other than my education, family and friends to just be with whomever. Am I being too nice, or too weak in my personality? Do I need to strengthen up, and act differently in what I do?

    Then there is my initial approach to a person that I really care for... I know that I'm doing this wrong, but that is because I absolutely don't have the courage to stand out there, and to drop kinky/flirty lines... Because that isn't what I do, it isn't about the sex, or anything of such nature. I've taken a few people that I've liked in the past to several days and nights out, but are they really dates, or am I just being used for my money?

    I just don't know how to do this anymore, everyone that I know, says that my advice to them about relationships is incredible, and how I've saved their love life, and how it's helped people get together... But why do I struggle so much to follow my own advice? I've never been on a serious flirty date, I've never been kissed, I've never been passionately hugged, I don't understand what I'm doing that is SO wrong, that I can't even crack the foundations of beginning to make someone like me.

    It's just frustrating, I guess I've typed this out in a rant, to see if I can figure it out for myself, but it doesn't mean much...
    Maybe you're thinking about it too hard and being overly serious too suddenly? You sound like a nice guy and your intentions are good, but a first date is usually about getting to know the other person and having fun, not putting undue pressure on yourself to be the best person they've ever met immediately.

    Take things slowly, stop outwardly looking, wait to meet someone you're interested in and then gradually build the relationship you advise others about . Easier said than done, I know, but most of us are looking for the same thing in the end!

    Good luck ^^
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    (Original post by consumed by stuff)
    you sound like a girl bro. that's not good.
    Does it not seem more sensible for a girl to find someone who has more in common with them as a relationship partner? I guess it's down to a matter of opinion, but I wouldn't call it literally acting like a girl.

    (Original post by Tweedy)
    Stop thinking, start flirting.
    It works.
    Flirting just absolutely doesn't exist in my vocabulary though, I can't see how it is even feasibly possible for someone to go up to a girl that they barely know closely, and follow it up with stuff that 99.9999% of the time, would result a kick in the balls, without the latter part occurring. To me, it comes across as exceptionally cocky.

    (Original post by joker12345)
    I dont really have any advice, but you seem like a lovely guy and I hope you find the right girl for you.
    I could only wish that was the case.
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    (Original post by IxI_Rhys_IxI)
    Does it not seem more sensible for a girl to find someone who has more in common with them as a relationship partner? I guess it's down to a matter of opinion, but I wouldn't call it literally acting like a girl.



    Flirting just absolutely doesn't exist in my vocabulary though, I can't see how it is even feasibly possible for someone to go up to a girl that they barely know closely, and follow it up with stuff that 99.9999% of the time, would result a kick in the balls, without the latter part occurring. To me, it comes across as exceptionally cocky.



    I could only wish that was the case.
    not acting, sounding.
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    (Original post by Heley)
    Maybe you're thinking about it too hard and being overly serious too suddenly? You sound like a nice guy and your intentions are good, but a first date is usually about getting to know the other person and having fun, not putting undue pressure on yourself to be the best person they've ever met immediately.

    Take things slowly, stop outwardly looking, wait to meet someone you're interested in and then gradually build the relationship you advise others about . Easier said than done, I know, but most of us are looking for the same thing in the end!

    Good luck ^^
    That's interesting advice that you've given me, although I still can't comprehend seeing a relationship as simplistic fun. To me, it should be deeper than that. Would it be better advice for me to just skip the next several years, as far as relationships are concerned, and instead let the whole "Going out and getting drunk at age 18-25" settle down, and instead look for a relationship as such in my late 20s?
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    (Original post by consumed by stuff)
    not acting, sounding.
    I guess that's just down to the personal opinion of others. How do you think this impacts upon myself however? Is this severely hurting me? If so, what should I do to try and stray away from this?
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    (Original post by IxI_Rhys_IxI)
    That's interesting advice that you've given me, although I still can't comprehend seeing a relationship as simplistic fun. To me, it should be deeper than that. Would it be better advice for me to just skip the next several years, as far as relationships are concerned, and instead let the whole "Going out and getting drunk at age 18-25" settle down, and instead look for a relationship as such in my late 20s?
    I don't mean seeing the entire relationship as simplistic fun- but the initial stages, the exciting 'oh my God should I text them, should I not, ahh what do I wear to see them, do we hug' etc should be just that; new, exciting, and a way to create a foundation to be built on later for all the deeper things, like love and commitment.

    You can't just jump into a serious relationship from the off, strong feelings don't necessarily work that way. Plus coming across as really serious too quickly can be quite daunting to take on, as whilst many people don't rule out serious relationships, to go on a first date thinking 'this person is the one for me' might be equally premature.

    I think if you see how things go you might have better luck
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    You need to stop worrying about finding a girlfriend. It makes one look a bit needy and that turns girls off.

    Join some clubs and socialise in things you really enjoy doing. Good places are choirs or art classes or learn a musical instrument as part of a group.

    There will definitely be girls there and you will have something to break the ice with during breaks.

    Suggest a group of you go for a coffee or even a beer after class and get mingling.

    That's what girls really like, someone who can have fun is confident in themselves without appearing arrogant or big headed and then you can show what a thoroughly nice guy you are.

    Won't happen overnight and may not even for a while. Be happy with who you are and they will find you. Trust me.
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    (Original post by Heley)
    I don't mean seeing the entire relationship as simplistic fun- but the initial stages, the exciting 'oh my God should I text them, should I not, ahh what do I wear to see them, do we hug' etc should be just that; new, exciting, and a way to create a foundation to be built on later for all the deeper things, like love and commitment.

    You can't just jump into a serious relationship from the off, strong feelings don't necessarily work that way. Plus coming across as really serious too quickly can be quite daunting to take on, as whilst many people don't rule out serious relationships, to go on a first date thinking 'this person is the one for me' might be equally premature.

    I think if you see how things go you might have better luck
    I can certainly see where you're coming from for the first half of the paragraph, trust me, I do consider that early stage a lot, the whole exciting concept of having my first relationship with someone. I agree with that wholeheartedly, although I do wish that I could jump into something serious close to off the bat. I can see where you're coming from with how some people will be put off by the seriousness of the relationship, which refers me back to the age group scenario again.
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    (Original post by uberteknik)
    You need to stop worrying about finding a girlfriend. It makes one look a bit needy and that turns girls off.

    Join some clubs and socialise in things you really enjoy doing. Good places are choirs or art classes or learn a musical instrument as part of a group.

    There will definitely be girls there and you will have something to break the ice with during breaks.

    Suggest a group of you go for a coffee or even a beer after class and get mingling.

    That's what girls really like, someone who can have fun is confident in themselves without appearing arrogant or big headed and then you can show what a thoroughly nice guy you are.
    I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm in the needy position for finding a girlfriend, I've written this thread more out of frustration that I work on trying to build the foundations for the perfect relationship for several months with a select girl, every now and then, and it all just falls back in my face, like I did something completely and utterly wrong, but again, I can see where you got that idea.

    The idea of stretching out for more hobbies and clubs does sound somewhat appealing, although I would have to deeply think about the clubs and societies that I would seriously consider getting involved in.
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    (Original post by IxI_Rhys_IxI)
    I guess that's just down to the personal opinion of others. How do you think this impacts upon myself however? Is this severely hurting me? If so, what should I do to try and stray away from this?
    your whole opinion of yourself. yourself respect. your whole attitude towards making the one thing you want sound impossible. when its something people do everyday. it just starts with a conversation.

    and its clearly making you unhappy, you don't need to be apologetic about wanting things everyone else wants.

    if you want something, atleast try to get it.
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    (Original post by IxI_Rhys_IxI)
    I can certainly see where you're coming from for the first half of the paragraph, trust me, I do consider that early stage a lot, the whole exciting concept of having my first relationship with someone. I agree with that wholeheartedly, although I do wish that I could jump into something serious close to off the bat. I can see where you're coming from with how some people will be put off by the seriousness of the relationship, which refers me back to the age group scenario again.
    I struggled with the same thing for a little while- immediately wanting a serious relationship because (in my opinion) loving someone genuinely in a committed relationship is the best possible feeling. Sadly (or not, depending on your outlook) that takes time and a lot of hard work to get!

    I've been with my boyfriend for a long time now and I'm happy to say we're at the 'serious relationship' stage- but I wouldn't trade the exciting beginning for anything either. Go meet someone you like and see how it goes
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    (Original post by consumed by stuff)
    your whole opinion of yourself. yourself respect. your whole attitude towards making the one thing you want sound impossible. when its something people do everyday. it just starts with a conversation.

    and its clearly making you unhappy, you don't need to be apologetic about wanting things everyone else wants.

    if you want something, atleast try to get it.
    So, you're suggesting that I need to be more bold in conversations with others, perhaps initiating new conversations with people I've never really spoke to before, to see if there could be a spark between us?
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    In my experience, women don't seem to like all that 'nice guy' and romance business. They want a sexy, badass cool-guy. They have to be attracted to you. A relationship would come later. Work on being cool. Try to get buff.
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    (Original post by IxI_Rhys_IxI)
    So, you're suggesting that I need to be more bold in conversations with others, perhaps initiating new conversations with people I've never really spoke to before, to see if there could be a spark between us?
    no , but that would help your situation none the less.
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    (Original post by Humbert Humbert)
    In my experience, women don't seem to like all that 'nice guy' and romance business. They want a sexy, badass cool-guy. They have to be attracted to you. A relationship would come later. Work on being cool. Try to get buff.
    This is a serious problem for me though, I don't work with the whole sexy and badass outlook. For one, I'm not a sexy person, and any person who thinks I am, must be absolutely absurd and out of their mind. And secondly, the whole bad-ass attitude absolutely goes against myself. I'm just an intelligent, shy, doing his own thing, kind of university student, I can't just change to being Mr Friday night, doing anything and everything he wants, it's just absolutely impossible... It's like dividing by zero.
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    You just wrote an essay about it, that's your problem. As soon as you stop worrying about it all a girlfriend will fall into your lap, worked for me.

    Also I hope you're not trying to find women in clubs or anything like that.
 
 
 
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