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Hitting rock bottom for the fourth time, help! Watch

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    (Original post by Leannem21)
    I want my self respect back, I know Ive totally lost it and I've always been a happy go lucky person, and before I met him I was never interested in having a relationship, and I lived my life quite happily before I met him and this is why I've come here because yes, I am sick of feeling sorry for myself. But I'm finding it difficult to get out of the vicious circle of secretly hoping I bump into him, hoping hel be sorry again when I know deep down he won't change and I think I must be as sick as him to feeling love for him.

    I just feel like I'm obsessing over him, what he's doing, crying all the time and that's not me. But I guess you have to hit rock bottom to realise you can't go lower anymore and the only way is up (cliche I know)

    Thanks again for taking time to read it and I've taking everything on board and I'm really, really trying, I just hope I don't come across as a bit pathetic coz I know that's how I feel when people have real problems and I'm moping over something what isn't that significant, thanks again x
    So you can live it happily after you've met him No, you probably don't believe me now.

    How about you find a new hobby to distract you?
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    Hello...
    I have more or less read what other guys hav said...I don t wanna even start on him because we all know what he is , and he can just go to hell . I would seriously recommend you went for counselling, u need help not cos ur crazy cos u r not buy I need to seek help from a professional. This ****er degraded and brainwashed u a big time and u seem to have really low Self esteem +charing cross syndrome....also that was abuse pure and simple, so u could even take it forward! He insulted u in a public site so... Pls dnt Eva contact him or let him contact u again, ask for help to a professional advisor and also support of family and friends and if I were u tbh I wud report him . But hey, free world.. He shud really b punished though and not b allowed to do the same to another girl. The way be acted when u lost the baby?(sorry btw) there's no love in that, never mind small knowledge of the partners needs. He is a psycho, run when u can before u pay in his place. Don't give up, know its hard but it will get better . : )
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    You can do some much better. There are people out there who will be able to treat you right. A relationship should be both people as one not like as you describe. Forgetting him all together would be advised this may be hard but go forward and try and be confident around new people and you will find someone who respects you for what you are.


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    (Original post by Leannem21)
    I want my self respect back, I know Ive totally lost it and I've always been a happy go lucky person, and before I met him I was never interested in having a relationship, and I lived my life quite happily before I met him and this is why I've come here because yes, I am sick of feeling sorry for myself. But I'm finding it difficult to get out of the vicious circle of secretly hoping I bump into him, hoping hel be sorry again when I know deep down he won't change and I think I must be as sick as him to feeling love for him.

    I just feel like I'm obsessing over him, what he's doing, crying all the time and that's not me. But I guess you have to hit rock bottom to realise you can't go lower anymore and the only way is up (cliche I know)

    Thanks again for taking time to read it and I've taking everything on board and I'm really, really trying, I just hope I don't come across as a bit pathetic coz I know that's how I feel when people have real problems and I'm moping over something what isn't that significant, thanks again x
    What's most significant about this post is the fact that you say you're 'moping about something about something what isn't that significant.' It sounds to me like you were in an emotionally abusive relationship and the feelings of worthlessness that you are feeling now cannot be compared to moping. You have become obsessed with your boyfriend because his abusive behaviour has made you dependent on him. It sounds strange, but that's how it works: the more a person insults you, the less confidence you have, and the more dependent you become on them. What's made your situation particularly bad is the fact that he apologised to you repeatedly: you were constantly told that he was going to change and let-down every time. This is an awful thing to have to have to go through over and over and over again.


    I was in a similar situation myself so I can empathise entirely with how you're feeling. My ex told me I was worthless, a ****, etc, etc, and I believed him: not only that, but I honestly thought that his behaviour towards me could be excused because putting up with someone as awful as I obviously was must have been difficult. It got to the stage where I felt indebted to him for putting up with despite being aware of how horrible I was.


    I am also sorry to hear that you lost a baby and was left to deal with it yourself. Like you, I also lost a baby, and was left to deal with it by myself. After my ex and I eventually broke-up for good and I went to counselling I realised that a lot of my sadness was connected to the loss of my baby. I'm not saying that this is definitely the case with you, but it is possible that you are clinging on to him because he is a connection to your baby. I know that that was definitely the case with me (and still is sometimes when I'm having a particularly bad day).


    What I really want to say to you is that you're not moping: you've been in an abusive relationship and you've been hurt. Losing someone you love is bad enough even when the circumstances are amicable but when you've been in a situation like you were in, it's even worse because your lack of self-esteem means you become completely depenedent on that individual.


    My advice would be to, firstly, stop thinking you're wrong for 'feeling sorry for yourself': you need to allow yourself time to heal properly instead of rushing it by thinking you should be okay. Also, don't ever think that your worries are not significant: they are. Everybody's problems are significant if they are bothering them and everyone deserves to be listened to and encouraged. Most importantly, you are not 'pathetic'; you are a human being, and you have been badly hurt. In order to heal you may need to visit a counsellor. I would certainly recommend you doing this because this isn't the sort of issue which is just going to heal up. I don't mean to make you feel worse but it's not the typical break-up, is it?


    I'm sorry if I've not been helpful. Basically, I wrote this to try to let you know that you are being way to hard on yourself and you shouldn't be trying to force yourself to feel better: you've been through a lot. Being emotionally abused for a long period of time, losing a baby, and losing someone you love (despite everything) is a lot to deal with and you are allowed to feel like you are feeling without thinking you're being 'pathetic'.


    (:.
 
 
 
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