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Overly judgemental boyfriend makes me feel awful about myself. Watch

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    Me and my boyfriend have been together around a year now, we get on really well and he's lovely to me. We've had a few issues, he used to stare at girls in front of me all the time, and sometimes he'd even make comments about them which made me feel horrible about myself, I called him out on this and it's now stopped.
    However, I'll admit I am a little insecure, I'm not sure why but I know the way my boyfriend acts makes me feel so much worse about it. I know I'm not the ugliest but I know I am no where near perfection however say me and him are watching TV together and some one really pretty comes on and I'm like 'Oh shes so pretty' he'll always pick at something and tell me she's not attractive, also about other people he makes comments about their weight, just other little flaws. Its as if he expects everyone to be completely perfect. The only girls he seems to find attractive are super skinny blonde girls, now I know I'm not ugly but I definitely don't fall into that category, I've mentioned it to him before and he's been like 'You are perfect' he tells me he has 'standards' thats why he's with me, but if hes so picky about the super pretty airbrushed models on TV how can he possibly think that about me? Also, since he's got such 'standards' you'd expect his ex's to look like supermodels right? Which they do not in the slightest, which makes me feel 100 times worse because what he says is so contradictory. I don't know if this makes sense at all, has anyone got any advice?
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    Hm I understand what you mean BUT if he is with you, this means he finds you attractive/beautiful or whatever. Why are you insecure? He likes you, thats for sure.

    And yeah no body is perfect but there are other people who will be more beautiful than you and me and whoever. Just accept that. No point of saying "oh shes so perfect and I am not" .. Its stupid. Maybe they havent got a boyfriend like yours who tells them they are beautiful


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    (Original post by Ani45)
    Hm I understand what you mean BUT if he is with you, this means he finds you attractive/beautiful or whatever. Why are you insecure? He likes you, thats for sure.

    And yeah no body is perfect but there are other people who will be more beautiful than you and me and whoever. Just accept that. No point of saying "oh shes so perfect and I am not" .. Its stupid. Maybe they havent got a boyfriend like yours who tells them they are beautiful


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    I know but when hes saying these things I just can't help but think that I already don't come anywhere close to these girls he's being judgemental about before he even picks at their flaws.

    No I get that, I understand that there'll always be prettier girls and whatever and I get that he's entitled to find other women attractive, I just meant like when you comment in passing or in a conversation or something.
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    He sees you as wonderful because he knows you You're more than just a face and a body to him, whereas the women of TV are strangers with no known personality to him.

    If he didn't find you attractive, he wouldn't have chosen to be with you.
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    I think you're ignoring the difference between seeing someone on TV who you desire purely due to their body, looks and possibly on stage charisma, and the far more fulfilling feeling of liking a real person. He likes you for far more than your looks - he likes you as a person. When you like someone you see them completely differently, and their flaws don't matter.

    For example, just because I want to go out with the 25 year old Harrison Ford doesn't mean that I would compare my boyfriend to him in any way - it's a completely different thing.

    Hope I'm making sense here
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    Well then you can talk to him explaining that you dont feel comfortable when he comments how other girls look.

    If my boyfriend says something like that I would straight away say something similar to:
    "Well yeah shes beautiful, but unfortunately you cant have her as shes probably dating somebody like Brad Pitt ". So if he made you feel uncomfortable you will give him back this feeling but not in a rude way.
    Of course this is something like a joke for you to use to give him a hint to stop, but the best way would be to just tell him straight away how this makes you feel


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    Him judging and making comments about other people's weight, or flaws just points out his own insecurities. I really don't understand what he means by "standards" but guys usually comment and look at other girls... it not very nice but they can only look right?
    He seems to like you and the fact that he is still with you speaks volumes...
    if you insecure then those are inner battles you need to fight. work on your confidence and look at areas in your life where you can improve on.
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    Well, he made positive comments about other women and you were upset. So now he makes negative comments about other women (perhaps to prove the point he isn't admiring them, even when you've said they're pretty yourself) and you're still upset by it.

    He DOES find you attractive. He's told you so himself, and you seem to also think you don't resemble the back end of a bus. So does it really matter what he thinks of others?
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    (Original post by Posh Totty)
    Well, he made positive comments about other women and you were upset. So now he makes negative comments about other women (perhaps to prove the point he isn't admiring them, even when you've said they're pretty yourself) and you're still upset by it.

    He DOES find you attractive. He's told you so himself, and you seem to also think you don't resemble the back end of a bus. So does it really matter what he thinks of others?
    They weren't positive, they were rude and disrespectful towards me, I wouldn't have been bothered if he was just calling another woman pretty or whatever.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    They weren't positive, they were rude and disrespectful towards me, I wouldn't have been bothered if he was just calling another woman pretty or whatever.
    I meant positive as in saying they were pretty, as opposed to his negative comments about the imperfections of others. Do you mean they were rude and disrespectful towards you because you didn't want to hear them (perfectly understandable) or that he was actually making comparisons with you (which would be considered rude by all, I'd have thought)?
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    (Original post by Posh Totty)
    I meant positive as in saying they were pretty, as opposed to his negative comments about the imperfections of others. Do you mean they were rude and disrespectful towards you because you didn't want to hear them (perfectly understandable) or that he was actually making comparisons with you (which would be considered rude by all, I'd have thought)?
    Say we were at work and a pretty girl walked in, he'd often go 'I would' or if there was a girl he'd stand and talk about how hot she was right in front of me and just stand and point blank stare at her then turn around to me and be like 'so and so is such a bad influence on me' as if it's okay to do things like that in front of me as long as he can blame someone else. Or other times him and some of the other guys would just openly discuss how hot random girls were, him usually instigating the conversations as if I didn't even exist. I don't care what he does when I'm not around but in front of me it is disrespectful and I'm sure any girl wouldn't want to hear that coming out of their boyfriends mouth.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Say we were at work and a pretty girl walked in, he'd often go 'I would' or if there was a girl he'd stand and talk about how hot she was right in front of me and just stand and point blank stare at her then turn around to me and be like 'so and so is such a bad influence on me' as if it's okay to do things like that in front of me as long as he can blame someone else. Or other times him and some of the other guys would just openly discuss how hot random girls were, him usually instigating the conversations as if I didn't even exist. I don't care what he does when I'm not around but in front of me it is disrespectful and I'm sure any girl wouldn't want to hear that coming out of their boyfriends mouth.
    I agree, hence "perfectly understandable" in my previous post. Was just pointing out that it seems he's best off saying nothing about other girls to you at all, as you seem offended (quite rightly) if he says the things I've quoted in this post of yours, and also if he picks on girls' imperfections (from what you've said, this makes you feel as if his standards are sky-high and that he's indirectly saying you don't match up either). So the solution is for him to say nothing. To achieve this, you'll need to talk to him again. At least it sounds like he took your comments on-board well the first time.
 
 
 
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