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How to get my girlfriend to stay with me? Watch

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    I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months, been friends (who knew we liked each other) for 3 years before that, and knew each other vaguely since the age of about 5. I am 18 and she is 17 (18 in August).

    Now before I get in to it, this girl means the world to me and I believe that she loves me as much back (I was the first boy she ever said "I love you" to). We were each other's first sexual encounters, she's the kindest and most naturally beautiful girl I've ever met and I would honestly do anything for her.

    However, recently the topic of my inevitable move away to university has come up and she seems resigned to the fact that we must break up. One day when she was a bit drunk she said she was sad how 'these are our last times together. My university is under an hour and a half by car and a couple of hours by train from where we live, so I can not see a problem. My friends tell me I should break up anyway to make the most of uni and the girls, but I seem to be the only one who doesn't want random sex - I want my girlfriend.

    When I have mentioned it to her she has said that she would be too scared that I would do something with all the girls at university when I'm so far away, but that would never happen. How can I persuade her to give it a chance? I have gone through tough times with family issues and she has been the one thing this year that has gone right and kept me going and I'm scared of losing that.
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    I think it's really nice what you have said, and if you do break up, it's her loss. Anyway, you cannot get you girlfriend to "stay with you" as it's her choice. But show her you care and are willing to make things work when you move away to university - if she feels the same way you do about her, she will stay with you.
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    you need to sit down and have a serious talk, reassuring her that you want only her and nothing will happen with other girls. Tell her how much she means to you and explain that you will still see each other and you want to stay together and her assuming you wont really hurts you. Basically say everything you have said here, but not seperatly spread over various conversations in responses to various comments sit and have a big discussion about it.

    she still might leave and thats her choice but it sounds more like she is just scared and assumes that it will happen than wants it to.
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    Girlfriends are an waste of time. Seriously, focus on your A2 exam at may/June time. You should not have been flirting with girls in the first place.
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    (Original post by Type 052D)
    Girlfriends are an waste of time. Seriously, focus on your A2 exam at may/June time. You should not have been flirting with girls in the first place.
    Agreed. The only thing women should be inserting into themselves is education.
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    How about advising her to do a course in the same uni as you when she leaves college?
    That way you can share your room with her etc.
    The main thing is that she'll be with you in the end..


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    Hey mate,

    First of all, that was really well written and I'm happy that you have found a girlfriend like that. As boba above has said, you need to have a good talk with your girlfriend, get everything out into the open and express yourself as clearly as you have done here. Both of you are still young and so, I can see why she may be scared or nervous about your move. No matter how close you are, distance is always tough. I was with my girlfriend when we both started uni. We both agreed that we would try to make it work and the drive was roughly the same as in your case, about 2 hours. However, we soon found out that it was quite hard - when she was busy, I was free and when I was busy, she was free. As a result, we saw each other far less. I made trips up to see her, but unfortunately things ended when she cheated on me with someone. So I sort of sympathise with your girlfriend - with what you hear about uni life, freshers week, new people, extra freedom etc, its not hard to imagine that someone (either a boy or girl) won't be lured by a potential distraction.

    I don't know your situation inside out. However, I was thinking if you were in a position to take a deferred entry and start uni the next year. That is if you can find work or something constructive to do in the mean time. If this is a possibility, then you can show her that you're willing to find a solution without losing her - even if you spoke to her about this, she may begin to see how much you care for her and perhaps realise that you needn't break up. If you can take this option, it means that you could spend one more year together and in that time, both of you would be older, perhaps wiser and she would get to see you really mean what you say. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Just something to think about.

    Let me know how you get on. If I think of something else, I'll post again. Best of luck everything.
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    I didn't break up with my girlfriend when I headed to uni :holmes:

    Nobody can say for sure "have a LDR" or "you should break up" - it's very much down to the individuals :yep:
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    Work through it if you can, but LDR's are hit and miss from my experience, some work and others don't! Just depends how strong your relationship is in the end
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    I'm afraid you're going to have to let her go.

    Some people believe in LDRs, some do not. The general rule is teenagers do, people with experience/slightly older don't. Most of the time LDRs are temporary, as are most teenage relationships. That doesn't mean you can't be the special snowflake. What I'm saying is that your girlfriend clearly falls in the category who thinks LDRs are a bad idea. Perhaps she's wise beyond her years. Maybe she's started to outgrow you. Most likely she's just realistic.

    As harsh as it sounds, teenage relationships seem like a huge deal at the moment, but will seem insignificant in ten years. Of course you are the first person she's said "I love you" to - she's 17! If she'd said it before it wouldn't have meant anything anyway.
    I don't mean to be the absolute cynic, I'm just trying to shake the teenage romance a little bit here. I am sure she cares about you and the feeling is more than mutual. But you are very young and have hardly started becoming the person you're going to be. You'll both be entirely different ten years from now. You cannot imagine that at the moment, but even if this inevitable break up seem like the world's end now, you'll be in a different place in a couple of years.
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    Thanks for all your responses so far (and to those who realised how much I love this girl). I've had mixed replies, which I expected, but they've all been a great help.

    Just one thing to those of you who talk about teen relationships as meaningless, I agree to an extent. However, this is my first relationship ever because I (like you) did not see the point of time wasting 'high school relationships' which would probably be over after a snog behind the bike sheds or something. I found out this girl liked me in year 9 but only moved on it at the start of year 12 when she helped me over the loss of someone in my family (she is still the only one I can talk about it to) and I found out she had not touched a boy in that 3 years because of her continuing feelings for me. That's when I realised this girl was worth it, and I'm glad some of you could see that in the limited expressive freedom you have in a forum post.

    Im not attacking anyone though; if I saw a post like this I would also admittedly question how genuine and long term the feelings are. Also note I have refrained from outlandish comments like she is 'the one' for this reason. At the moment though, she makes me the happiest I've ever been.
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    All you can do is express your feelings on the subject, and suggest seeing if it works out, rather than just breaking up.

    Whilst many relationships at this (or any) age do not last, I don't believe that means giving them a go "unrealistic". If we made all of our life decisions about things we want to do based on avoiding the risk of failure, then we'd never achieve any success. Why this mentality is therefore applied to any relationship that both people want to continue with (and makes them happy) is beyond me. (Obv it is different if your gf genuinely doesn't want to, rather than just feeling hopeless/afraid of it).

    If you understand and are prepared for the eventuality of it maybe not working out, then that is realism enough.

    I stick with the rule of abandoning a relationship when it makes one or more person unhappy and/or is hopeless. Maybe this will happen when you leave for uni, or maybe it won't - but it hasn't happened yet.
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    Is there any possibility that she's expecting you to break up, has already accepted it and now is ready to move on?
    Or that there's a part of her that feels she's too young and actually WANTS to not be in a relationship any more?
    LDRs can work-also some opinions and statistics that suggest they do not work, also do not mean that the result is people split up-often they don't work because those in the relationship move closer to one another.

    If it is just a simple case that she thinks distance will make you meet other girls and cheat, or just forget about her because of other priorities and out of sight out of mind, reassure her that it will not, that she's still of the same importance to you as always.
    See it as a good thing too-you're in a new place, she can come and stay with you , you'll both meet new friends and have new experiences together and absence can make the heart fonder, not seeing one another as often may make your relationship stronger.
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    If you see her every weekend I do not see her problem, you should be busy studying in the week, it is like a job not a big party if you want a good result, does she think uni is a big orgy or something like a lynx advert? Show her she is wrong and take her a tour of campus.

    Otherwise it is maybe your gf that doesn't trust herself with you not there.
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    (Original post by Millie228)
    I'm afraid you're going to have to let her go.

    Some people believe in LDRs, some do not. The general rule is teenagers do, people with experience/slightly older don't. Most of the time LDRs are temporary, as are most teenage relationships. That doesn't mean you can't be the special snowflake. What I'm saying is that your girlfriend clearly falls in the category who thinks LDRs are a bad idea. Perhaps she's wise beyond her years. Maybe she's started to outgrow you. Most likely she's just realistic.

    As harsh as it sounds, teenage relationships seem like a huge deal at the moment, but will seem insignificant in ten years. Of course you are the first person she's said "I love you" to - she's 17! If she'd said it before it wouldn't have meant anything anyway.
    I don't mean to be the absolute cynic, I'm just trying to shake the teenage romance a little bit here. I am sure she cares about you and the feeling is more than mutual. But you are very young and have hardly started becoming the person you're going to be. You'll both be entirely different ten years from now. You cannot imagine that at the moment, but even if this inevitable break up seem like the world's end now, you'll be in a different place in a couple of years.
    Wow! To quote what you just wrote, you sound wise beyond your years!! That's a very broad and, in a way, a very sensible outlook that I've never heard before. Makes my advice sound totally ridiculous! haha
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for all your responses so far (and to those who realised how much I love this girl). I've had mixed replies, which I expected, but they've all been a great help.

    Just one thing to those of you who talk about teen relationships as meaningless, I agree to an extent. However, this is my first relationship ever because I (like you) did not see the point of time wasting 'high school relationships' which would probably be over after a snog behind the bike sheds or something. I found out this girl liked me in year 9 but only moved on it at the start of year 12 when she helped me over the loss of someone in my family (she is still the only one I can talk about it to) and I found out she had not touched a boy in that 3 years because of her continuing feelings for me. That's when I realised this girl was worth it, and I'm glad some of you could see that in the limited expressive freedom you have in a forum post.

    Im not attacking anyone though; if I saw a post like this I would also admittedly question how genuine and long term the feelings are. Also note I have refrained from outlandish comments like she is 'the one' for this reason. At the moment though, she makes me the happiest I've ever been.
    If this is really how you both feel then you need to sit her down and talk to her. Tell her that you only want her, you'd never cheat on her and explain how you could make it work (take turns visiting each other once every two weeks for a weekend). Make a rule that you'd never go more than 3 weeks without seeing each other (or whatever works for you) or more than 2 days without a phone call. If you show her how serious you are about making it work, she might come around.
 
 
 
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