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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0x4hi2jABE

    Yay, it's not incriminating! :borat:
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    memento vivere

    I really want that tattooed on me :love:
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    "My brother just shared an Old Testament quote with me and I love it

    2 Kings 2:23-24
    New International Version (NIV)
    Elisha Is Jeered

    23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys."

    From my iPhone. Um.
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    this 40 side where they say shorty ride
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    " "Were there any other casualties?" I asked timidly.

    "I'll have to buy Esme a new bed frame," he confessed, glancing over his shoulder. I followed his gaze and was shocked to see that large chunks of wood had apparently been gouged from the left side of the headboard

    ohhh dear.. the quirks of my sisters laptop
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    "Have you ever gone through a period where hectic emotions almost took over your life, only for you to later become emotionally numb?

    According to my GP I suffer severe depression. She prescribed me antidepressants which I took to stop me from crying every single day/night and I took them for a few weeks and I did stop crying. This was around the end of February or early March. However, I stopped taking them after two or three weeks and ever since I just haven't felt anything. I've just been in a continuous depressive, almost emotionally numb state. I can laugh at things/jokes/people but the temporary elated feeling that comes with laughter only lasts for so long before it fades. It scares me because right now I don't have anyone to speak to when I'm feeling like utter ****, and what scares me even more is that I know that whenever I do start crying again, it will be bad. Who do I go to when it's bad? My sisters think I'm a ridiculous idiot because I have no control over my depression/eating disorders/mental health in general, and you guys find it hard to believe that I've become what I've become. I get mental health is a complex topic but I can't even begin to explain how hard it is to cope with a mind like mine when you have no one else in your life who is willng to carry the burden. Omg I thought I was about to cry then lol.

    I probably sound like a self-pitying cow right now, I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do anymore. Last time I felt like this I had an anorexia relapse, ate about 500-700 calories and I was able to cry. I also started self-harming so part of me hopes I go through all that again. I mean, I've already reduced my calories to less than 1000. I know that probably means nothing to you guys. I'm just typing whatever **** comes to mind. God knows if I'll even send this. I've written things like this so many times in the past but I know how awkward you guys will feel so I've never sent it. I mean, after seeing how you reacted to Rose's wrist cutting yesterday made me realise that I probably can never speak to you lot about this. And that makes it even harder. After everything that happened this year I've appreciated you guys more than ever so to be unable to speak about this just makes everything more painful.

    The thing I'm most scared about is that when I cry, it's almost as if my world comes crashing down. I become self-loathing, I become self-destructive and suicidal and I hate myself and hurt myself in any way possible. I start seeing things I've always avoided, like how no one cares about anyone in the ****ing world, how sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who genuinely cares about people, about how I love people more than they love me and every time I tell myself that I remember everything. I make myself cry harder, I make the pain more unbearable. Since I was young all I ever wanted was for me to love someone as much as I love them but I'm like a people-repeller -- anytime anyone comes even that much close to me, they're so quick to run away, it's like they were never in my life in the first place.

    I'm ruining myself. I despise myself. I've done so many things I wish I could tell you guys about. I'm going to do so many things I wish I could speak to you guys about but I can't. The only thing I wish for now is that my family find out about it all and kick me because at least then I could commit suicide without caring about them walking in on me. The only thing that's stopping me doing it now is them walking in on me. I don't know why I'm living anymore. There was only one keeping me alive before but it's gone now. I have no reason.

    Ha. Look at me now. I'm finally crying."



    Forgot I typed that. I have a weird habit where I type things like this to my closest friends, only to select all and ctrl+x it every time so it never sends because I don't wanna put them through a conversation regarding my mental health. They find it hard to believe that someone like me could have such a dark 'inner life'.
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    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petrole...try_in_Nigeria
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    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D_XI_290cfw

    Yeah, i was kinda looking at Billie Piper's music career this morning
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    (Original post by Vixen47)
    "Have you ever gone through a period where hectic emotions almost took over your life, only for you to later become emotionally numb?

    According to my GP I suffer severe depression. She prescribed me antidepressants which I took to stop me from crying every single day/night and I took them for a few weeks and I did stop crying. This was around the end of February or early March. However, I stopped taking them after two or three weeks and ever since I just haven't felt anything. I've just been in a continuous depressive, almost emotionally numb state. I can laugh at things/jokes/people but the temporary elated feeling that comes with laughter only lasts for so long before it fades. It scares me because right now I don't have anyone to speak to when I'm feeling like utter ****, and what scares me even more is that I know that whenever I do start crying again, it will be bad. Who do I go to when it's bad? My sisters think I'm a ridiculous idiot because I have no control over my depression/eating disorders/mental health in general, and you guys find it hard to believe that I've become what I've become. I get mental health is a complex topic but I can't even begin to explain how hard it is to cope with a mind like mine when you have no one else in your life who is willng to carry the burden. Omg I thought I was about to cry then lol.

    I probably sound like a self-pitying cow right now, I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do anymore. Last time I felt like this I had an anorexia relapse, ate about 500-700 calories and I was able to cry. I also started self-harming so part of me hopes I go through all that again. I mean, I've already reduced my calories to less than 1000. I know that probably means nothing to you guys. I'm just typing whatever **** comes to mind. God knows if I'll even send this. I've written things like this so many times in the past but I know how awkward you guys will feel so I've never sent it. I mean, after seeing how you reacted to Rose's wrist cutting yesterday made me realise that I probably can never speak to you lot about this. And that makes it even harder. After everything that happened this year I've appreciated you guys more than ever so to be unable to speak about this just makes everything more painful.

    The thing I'm most scared about is that when I cry, it's almost as if my world comes crashing down. I become self-loathing, I become self-destructive and suicidal and I hate myself and hurt myself in any way possible. I start seeing things I've always avoided, like how no one cares about anyone in the ****ing world, how sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who genuinely cares about people, about how I love people more than they love me and every time I tell myself that I remember everything. I make myself cry harder, I make the pain more unbearable. Since I was young all I ever wanted was for me to love someone as much as I love them but I'm like a people-repeller -- anytime anyone comes even that much close to me, they're so quick to run away, it's like they were never in my life in the first place.

    I'm ruining myself. I despise myself. I've done so many things I wish I could tell you guys about. I'm going to do so many things I wish I could speak to you guys about but I can't. The only thing I wish for now is that my family find out about it all and kick me because at least then I could commit suicide without caring about them walking in on me. The only thing that's stopping me doing it now is them walking in on me. I don't know why I'm living anymore. There was only one keeping me alive before but it's gone now. I have no reason.

    Ha. Look at me now. I'm finally crying."



    Forgot I typed that. I have a weird habit where I type things like this to my closest friends, only to select all and ctrl+x it every time so it never sends because I don't wanna put them through a conversation regarding my mental health. They find it hard to believe that someone like me could have such a dark 'inner life'.

    I can't help but relate to this... I'm not entirely sure if you'll ever take up the offer, but it's quite nice to talk/rage to someone anonymous - feel free to message me if you ever want to rant or feel particularly ****
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    say nothing more
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    >.>
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    Hey how are you?

    same as ever, you?

    I'm surviving, exams start monday and \\\\ broke up with me this morning... otherwise fine as ever

    dude!
    why?!?
    sorry. um. how come?

    commitiment issues coupled with exam stress and she said she feels that she can't deal with being in a relationship at all at the moment... but everything is basically exactly the same between us... just minus any sexual elements... it's kinda odd...

    hmm... if you'll forgive the utter insensitivity of the question, define "commitment issues".
    eh, well, is this permanent? can things be sorted out once exams are over?

    it's potentially permanent - much more likely not to be so and we appear to remain good friends... basically her previous boyfriends ****ed up massively... and so she's been a little scared of commitment ever since and I think exam stress brought it all out again... and I reckon it'll be fine again in a couple of weeks time after exams end. We're going to have another chat about it in a couple of weeks and another at the end of the summer so yeah...

    good. you need a woman, ******. they tend to keep you sane.
    I hope it will all be OK.
    are you OK?
    probably should have asked that earlier, sorry .

    I'm fine, and I know they do they also stop me smoking - well with the exception of ########## who got me started again after I was quit for such a long time...

    huh. could have sword she told me once that she'd made you stop.
    maybe I'm getting her confused with the schizo, I don't know.
    anyway
    well.
    don't smoke.

    she lied to you - same as she lies to everyone else, all the time... did you not notice at school how she had a different story for everyone... I was so naive to think she wouldn't lie to me too...

    oh, #########? of course she lied.
    I knew that after the cricket-pitch thing.
    but anyway
    all of them kept you sane. except the schizo, but let's not talk about her.
    so don't fall back into smoking/mild insanity, ******. stay strong!

    I like mild insanity - kinda goes with the territory of being me did I tell you that Mr. A came up for a formal last saturday?

    you did not, how is he?
    and yes, but the bad kind of insanity, ******.
    there's good crazy and bad crazy. stay on the good side of the line.

    He is very well and got very drunk (and also got \\\\ very drunk) \\\\ has developed an interesting taste in clothing/makeup... the area around my sink is covered in gold eyeshadow and I can't get rid of it...

    oh, she always had that taste in makeup and clothing. she just hid it well.
    good to hear that drunkeness is around.

    she wore some 70s designer jobby... naturally couldn't say she looked like walking wallpaper... it was very nice walking wallpaper though (she did pull it off remarkably well, Mr. A was very admiring of it )

    I see.
    sounds jessic.
    jessian? jessican? whatever.

    swampish she remembered my bday card and pressie even though it was actually HER birthday XD

    ahahahaah nice.
    wait
    hang on.
    your birthday was 4 months and 2 days ago, no?
    (I don't know why the hell I know that off the top of my head.)

    4 months and 7 days but close

    damn!
    your party 2 years ago, that's what I was thinking of.

    haha the 'eventful' one...
    I still maintain that the psycho kissed me first and not the other way round...

    oh, no, trust me, you should claim that you kissed her. seriously, you have no idea how grateful I am for you doing that.
    seriously, you saved my life. I think that when I inevitably would have had to dump the schizo, she might have stabbed me with a carving knife.
    'cause I do not have your patience. I would have dumped her after about 2 days. I know that probably makes me a terrible person, but, well, she was actually evil, so it has some justification.

    she dumped me after 5... well technically \\\\ dumped us both from each other... not quite sure how that works but oh well... \\\\ was the messenger anyway

    messengers are always useful. people will shoot them instead of you.

    well, not if they know you sent them

    oh, that's OK. you send them, dress yourself in full body armour, and hide under your bed with a shotgun. works every time.

    tried it then? so that's why we haven't seen much of !!! lately #chinaisimaginary

    !!! IS FINE AND WELL. THERE IS NOTHING TO CONCERN YOURSELF WITH. THERE IS NO BODY BURIED BENEATH THE SENIOR. CARRY ON WITH YOUR BUSINESS, CITIZEN.

    I'll pretend to buy it so I'm not next... even his pace couldn't save the poor lad... XD


    Ah it would appear either I have developed a sense of humour or you've come round to my way of viewing world events

    ... I hope your way of viewing world events does not involve burying bodies under the senior, nathan.

    God no Seems the former then XD

    good. if you ever need a body discreetly disposed of, by the way...

    Yes I know, call the undertakers, they have discreet options

    OK I get the feeling that this converation is going to flag a CIA surveillance system.

    that would be amusing, echelon has probably already pinged it 'bomb gobbledeygook, London, bomb, bomb, operation codename... Prime Minister, david Cameron, Boris, Buckingham, palace, royal family' (just making sure we get on the nice long database XD)

    you unbelieveable *******.
    now I'm going to get a bunch of armed commandos at my door.

    or worse - they resruited the psycho....

    yes, but that would be what is known as hell, and I don't believe in hell. ergo, that cannot happen.

    That's all good then https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...count=1&ref=nf hehehe

    ho ho ho ho ho.

    anyways, how's the study of long dead civilisations going? Anything new happen?

    sort of. I've had to pick hellenic themes over eastern christendom, because I overslept and wasn't at the signup screen on moodle when the option-picking began. I logged on half an hour later only to find that eastern christendom was the only non-modern module which had been filled up. YAY FOR ME. luckily the signup closes on the 2nd, so hopefully someone will decide to switch before then, at which point I will pounce.
    but that is unlikely to actually happen. still, hellenic themes was my second choice so I'm not that fussed.

    Oh well... so still, anything new happen

    absolutely sod all. I may have finally found somewhere to live, but nothing is confirmed as of yet.

    oh that's good, didn't you leave that rather late? ££££ had his sorted ages ago...

    yes, yes I have. long story. have no wish to discuss it now.
    have been very stressed out over it.

    okidokey, in which case moving on with the speed of a relativistic particle...

    how's oxford? other than the (metaphorical) elephant in the room.
    (thought I needed to say metaphorical there. did not want to insult someone's woman by mistake again).

    well Oxford is great (talking of women - they are funny things... %%%% came to say goodnight and then started crying and went... she's the one that did the breaking up...)

    go after her! buy a bouquet of flowers!

    I think I'll wait until after exams though (and it's not like I don't buy her enough flowers as is... )

    ah, but this time you need to make it so that she physically cannot enter her room because of all the flowers.
    this is expert advice from &&&& on women.
    and consequently, should work a charm .

    indeed - can you back up this statement with empirical evidence and a full report in the usual format? Either that or a valid computer model

    empirical evidence: 1 kiss, no dates. with that in mind, is empirical evidence really necessary?
    *full repoty.
    *report.

    so it would appear - one excessively long kiss mind

    well, a fair number.
    but only 1 time and 1 woman.
    and the total number of women who have ever shown any interest in me is about 1 too.
    so yes, a great expert!

    1 sec, need to fetch some form of tea, squash or derivative thereof.

    and back.

    and hello, what differential of tea did you acquire? dtea/dhotwater? (sorry...)

    squash, in the end. Probably would take much longer to get to sleep with tea.
    dtea?

    maths thing, a derivative and diffferential are synonyms and marked for example dy/dx which is the derivative of y with respect to x as you whould know maths studies man

    ohh, yeah.
    distantly recall something involving dv/dx.
    *dy.
    I try to forget maths. more room for byzantium.

    hahaha true true, those old turkish people are well exciting we have things called wronskians and other funny names to contend with instead

    greco-romans! greco-romans! definitely not turks!
    what is a wronskian?

    haha I know just teasing and something out of your nightmares (or will be after tonight )

    oh?
    do tell. I haven't had a good nightmare in a long while.

    it's a mathematical object used to solve particularly nasty particular integrals, you can derivve it with the method of variation of parameters...

    sounds nasty. I'll stick with population statistics after the black death .

    yes now you can dream about varying parameters I'm off to bed now (I just messaged someone 'I like turtles'...) guess that means I need to sleep

    yes, ******, yes it does.
    goodnight and all that.
    Chat conversation end


    Well I do apologise that I did have to edit that - but only removal of names.
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