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Sensitive topic. Why? Watch

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    Okay so, I was talking to my ex who I now see as my friend. We are trying to stay in contact and stay friendly, which he says he wants as he wants me a part of his life and after a long time apart I think I would like this, if done slowly.

    I was talking about going out with a friend for a drink after I had some good news to share, and I thought I would let him know my good news! I think he thought I implied with a new 'boyfriend' as he sent me a blunt text saying have fun and stuff, then another text straight after saying did you only text me to tell me you have got a new boyfriend? It seems that way.

    Hmm, I text back no I never it was about my good news, as I don't have a boyfriend I am going out with my friend who is also a girl lol... To which he then lightened up with x's on his text with oh I see lmao, well have fun! You deserve it! ....

    what is that all about? Please help someone
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    Isn't it obvious?

    He clearly still has some residual feelings, and the way you phrased the text seemed like a bit of a slap in the face to him.
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    Isn't it obvious?

    He clearly still has some residual feelings, and the way you phrased the text seemed like a bit of a slap in the face to him.
    Agreed


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    Maybe he's hoping that you'll get back together?
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    Isn't it obvious?

    He clearly still has some residual feelings, and the way you phrased the text seemed like a bit of a slap in the face to him.
    But it was only an accident. I text him about some good news I had and he wished me well and I said I was going out with a friend to celebrate...I didn't expect such a reaction.

    Now you have said it though, there is other things that point that way. I thinkI should try and be wary? I don't really know what to do now. I hoped it was just me over reacting to silly things
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    Well clearly all his feelings for you aren't gone and the way you phrased it it probably did seem like you were just rubbing the fact you were going out with a guy in his face, even if you weren't.
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    (Original post by HenryD)
    Well clearly all his feelings for you aren't gone and the way you phrased it it probably did seem like you were just rubbing the fact you were going out with a guy in his face, even if you weren't.
    Oh god, I feel awful but it wasn't intended to mean this way. He told me categorically he does not feel anything romantic towards me, so even if I had said it to get a reaction from him, I don't think I would have expected that reaction. I am going to be more careful
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    How is this a sensitive topic?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But it was only an accident. I text him about some good news I had and he wished me well and I said I was going out with a friend to celebrate...I didn't expect such a reaction.

    Now you have said it though, there is other things that point that way. I thinkI should try and be wary? I don't really know what to do now. I hoped it was just me over reacting to silly things
    For you it was a miscommunication, obviously he didn't know that at the time, so the fact it was an accident on your part doesn't change why he responded how he did. Obviously you're going to need to be a bit sensative for a while.
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    When you break up with someone, your feelings for them don't go away immediately; they definitely don't for me. After one break up, I thought plenty of times of contacting my ex and seeing if we could get back together. I resisted the temptation in the end. However, in that time, if I had heard from her that she was seeing someone else, it would have certainly affected me.

    It sounds like his feelings for you are quite strong. Whilst staying as friends for now may work out best for you both, if you started dating someone and in particular you told him about it, I wouldn't be surprised if he got a bit upset or behaved a little bit funny. It's not an easy thing to move on from your girlfriend/boyfriend especially if you were very close and still care for them a lot.
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    (Original post by tu_es_jolie_x)
    How is this a sensitive topic?
    No, the event & response was sensitive. My bad.
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    (Original post by superduper9)
    When you break up with someone, your feelings for them don't go away immediately; they definitely don't for me. After one break up, I thought plenty of times of contacting my ex and seeing if we could get back together. I resisted the temptation in the end. However, in that time, if I had heard from her that she was seeing someone else, it would have certainly affected me.

    It sounds like his feelings for you are quite strong. Whilst staying as friends for now may work out best for you both, if you started dating someone and in particular you told him about it, I wouldn't be surprised if he got a bit upset or behaved a little bit funny. It's not an easy thing to move on from your girlfriend/boyfriend especially if you were very close and still care for them a lot.
    That's very honest advice. We have been broken up over a year now and throughout that time we have never been able to 'not speak'. We fight a lot and are both as bad as each other, so we have long periods (months even) where we do not communicate to calm down but one of us normally gives in haha.

    This is why although it was poor communication by me, I didn't expect his reaction... Because of the length of time we have been apart.
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    For you it was a miscommunication, obviously he didn't know that at the time, so the fact it was an accident on your part doesn't change why he responded how he did. Obviously you're going to need to be a bit sensative for a while.
    Yeah I think I will be. Asking this question I have realised there has been a few more warning signs so to speak, such as how he misses me and doesn't ever want to hurt me again. He also told me a little while back how he things would be different if we could do it all again and how he has never dated since. I think I have been a bit foolish, but I was hurt so I just shut myself off from all emotion and intuition.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I think I will be. Asking this question I have realised there has been a few more warning signs so to speak, such as how he misses me and doesn't ever want to hurt me again. He also told me a little while back how he things would be different if we could do it all again and how he has never dated since. I think I have been a bit foolish, but I was hurt so I just shut myself off from all emotion and intuition.
    It's easy to do, especially if one of you is more over it than the other. Did you have any time apart after the break-up, or did you go straight to 'just friends', because from experience, that can be a pretty difficult transition.
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    It's easy to do, especially if one of you is more over it than the other. Did you have any time apart after the break-up, or did you go straight to 'just friends', because from experience, that can be a pretty difficult transition.
    We stopped talking for a few months and then we met up as we both agreed on this. He ended up kissing me to which I didn't want and seemed hurt that I never kissed him back. We stopped talking again, as it stirred up some feelings I was trying to get over and since then we have had contact, had an argument over something ridiculous literally anything and so stopped talking for sometimes 2-3 months if not more, then one of us have broken contact. We have met up now and again, to which he normally asks for coffee and has offered to take me out, as friends, to the cinemas etc
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's very honest advice. We have been broken up over a year now and throughout that time we have never been able to 'not speak'. We fight a lot and are both as bad as each other, so we have long periods (months even) where we do not communicate to calm down but one of us normally gives in haha.

    This is why although it was poor communication by me, I didn't expect his reaction... Because of the length of time we have been apart.
    You sound like a married couple lol

    A year is a long time, but it sounds as though both of you still have strong feelings for each other. Since you're both talking to each other on good terms and you're both calm, maybe its a good time to give your relationship another go? I always think its a shame to throw away a long term relationship - I'm sure now that you're older, have had time away and he realises how he could have done things differently, it may work out a lot better the second time around. Best of luck
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh god, I feel awful but it wasn't intended to mean this way. He told me categorically he does not feel anything romantic towards me, so even if I had said it to get a reaction from him, I don't think I would have expected that reaction. I am going to be more careful
    I wouldn't feel too bad about it, it was just a simple misunderstanding and you corrected it straight away. I'd just be a little sensitive with him for a while
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We stopped talking for a few months and then we met up as we both agreed on this. He ended up kissing me to which I didn't want and seemed hurt that I never kissed him back. We stopped talking again, as it stirred up some feelings I was trying to get over and since then we have had contact, had an argument over something ridiculous literally anything and so stopped talking for sometimes 2-3 months if not more, then one of us have broken contact. We have met up now and again, to which he normally asks for coffee and has offered to take me out, as friends, to the cinemas etc
    Oh, well he should probably be a bit less sensative by now then to be fair, but everyone works at different rates.
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    (Original post by superduper9)
    You sound like a married couple lol

    A year is a long time, but it sounds as though both of you still have strong feelings for each other. Since you're both talking to each other on good terms and you're both calm, maybe its a good time to give your relationship another go? I always think its a shame to throw away a long term relationship - I'm sure now that you're older, have had time away and he realises how he could have done things differently, it may work out a lot better the second time around. Best of luck
    Yeah I see what your saying but he told me he doesn't want to be with anyone at all and he is going to stay single as he doesn't want to hurt me ever and that it hurts him to see me so hurt. He tells me he is sorry a lot and talks about the old memories etc He told me I am his best friend and he wants me a part of his life and I think after all the fights etc, I would like to be his friend too. I just wonder if that really is all he wants from me...
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    Oh, well he should probably be a bit less sensative by now then to be fair, but everyone works at different rates.
    I think the best thing I can do is stop fighting with him and be his friend, whilst also being a bit sensitive. Thanks for your perspective and advice
 
 
 
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