Join TSR now for chat about life, relationships, fashion and more…Sign up now

She doesn't know he's cheating on her... Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    so basically my best friend kissed this guy (who is just a friend of ours we met through our other friends), the problem is he has a girlfriend that we both know - she is super sweet and kind - people nickname her 'bambi' because she is that innocent. But I'm annoyed at my friend because she pounced on him first and he pushed her away at first but then he kissed her back and they carried on for a good hour. They still flirt and text all the time and I know my friend likes him. To make matters worse he is twenty three and we are seventeen so I think it's a tad innapropriate. She's super naive and going through a fairly bad time right now so I can forgive her more but I think he may be taking advantage a little, even though he'd always come off as a really nice geeky guy who kind of acted like a big brother. When he spoke to me about it he was quite strange, he insisted nothing would happen but I know they still flirt and the other day he told her he had a dream about her. Like I said my friend is in a bad way right now and she's kind of gone into manic mode so I think she might not be thinking straight - I've tried talking to her but it's no use. His girlfriend still has no idea and I can't stand to just watch this all happen knowing that she doesn't know and he's being such a creep about it. I know I can't really do anything but at the same time I don't know what to do at all? All I know is that this situation is really not what my friend needs right now but she won't see sense, they're meeting up tomorow to make matters worse. So confused :s
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    What's stopping you from anonymously telling the girlfriend and letting her figure it out?
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Your friend is a ****. This guy is a bigger **** though.

    I agree with the above poster. Send an anonymous letter to Bambi. She might not believe it but it will plant the seed of doubt in her mind which will hopefully lead to this douche getting caught.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Don't get involved, its got nothing to do with you and if you do it's going to just gonna come back and bite you in the ass. This is speaking from personal experience.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Firstly, I would speak with your friend. Tell her that even though she's going through a bad time, it's NO excuse to knowingly get with someone who has a girlfriend. Make it clear to her that even though you dissaprove of her actions, that you're there for her. It seems as though she is going into this 'manic mode' as a coping mechanism for her current troubles - and that she could do with a friend there for her. You seem to care lots .

    If she continues to see this guy, I would consider sending an anonymous message to ''Bambi''. You have to tread lightly though as from previous experience, although you are trying to do the right thing, things can turn round to bite you in the bum. In the past when I told a friend she was being cheated on, I was accused of meddling in their relationship, accused of lying and trying to split them up etc. Also, you've got to consider the repercussions this will have on your friend.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Tell her. If my boyfriend was cheating on me and nobody told me i'd be heartbroken.
    Like the guys above said, she probably wont believe you but it'll probably lead to him getting caught.
    Better for her to be hurt now rather than months down the line when she'll probably be more in love with him.
    At least thats the way i see it...
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    It's none of your business, leave them all alone.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by daniellelouise)
    Tell her. If my boyfriend was cheating on me and nobody told me i'd be heartbroken.
    No, you'd be fine, because you wouldn't know!

    Like the guys above said, she probably wont believe you but it'll probably lead to him getting caught.
    Better for her to be hurt now rather than months down the line when she'll probably be more in love with him.
    At least thats the way i see it...
    Or even better for her to never know, I guess?
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tu_es_jolie_x)
    Don't get involved, its got nothing to do with you and if you do it's going to just gonna come back and bite you in the ass. This is speaking from personal experience.
    I've done it before as well, I can see both sides of the argument because I also had a friend who was being cheated on and one of our pals knew but didn't tell him. Obviously my friend went nuts at him for knowing what was going on and not saying anything. I know this is slightly different as the OP isn't actually friends with this girl but the longer it goes on the more humiliating it will be for her when she finally does find out and realises how long it's been going on and she didn't know.

    In this situation I'd always tell the person being cheated on, even if it was just anonymously. If people decide to fall out with me over it then so be it. I would want someone to tell me, so I believe I'd be doing the right thing by treating others the same way. I think :confused:

    (Original post by NB_ide)
    No, you'd be fine, because you wouldn't know!
    Yes she would. Most people 'know', they have a gut feeling and choose to ignore it. Most people who are being cheated on know it's going on but don't want to believe their 'sweetheart' would do that to them.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by NB_ide)
    No, you'd be fine, because you wouldn't know!
    But she's gonna find out eventually, it's never nice to be the last one to know.
    My friend was recently cheated on and she found out that our other friends knew about it and never told her, she was really hurt by it.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Got a similar situation in my house. One of the exchange students is sleeping with a guy whilst stringing along a guy from her own country. Talks with him every day etc. Poor guy.

    However, it's not my place to say anything. I doubt it's yours, either. But, we all have our own moral code to live by and if yours dictates that you do something then do it.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    thanks for all the advice, I may tell her if they carry on but at the moment I don't think I should interfere - I will try to speak to my friend again although I have made it very clear to her already how I feel... if they go further I will tell Bambi because its not fair to her at all. The only trouble is I know that my friend and the guy would know I told her because I'm one of the few people that knows and also knows Bambi.... eugh. Although if it needs to be done it needs to be done - she is American and will be going back to America next year for university (after being in school here) and she was considering cancelling those plans all for him which would be terrible. I'm so dissapointed that this guy has turned out to be such a douche as I was pretty good friends with him too -_-
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Additional information!

    So they met up this sunday (against everyone's best advice), he told her that he and his girlfriend have an 'open' relationship however Bambi doesn't know it's my friend and definitley has no idea exactly what is going on - in fact I'm under the impression that she just agreed to the open relationship because she is too nice to say no. My friend and the guy had oral sex (a lot) and then they were going to have sex but they couldn't find any contraception, I know they will be meeting up soon though so they probably will then. Hmm I wish my friend would just think properly :/ she is still a virgin and I'm worried she may regret it because of who it is with etc but I know that it is beyond my control. I'm really losing the will to care though as she constantly has been doing stupid stuff and ignoring everyone's advice and then constantly having some drama or another, she has also become extremely irritating of late and so no one really enjoys keeping her company anymore anyway - still she is my friend and I want to help, like I said I know her home life is rough right now. She seems to idolize this guy because he comes off as very smart and is 24 (just turned 24), I know him too and I have realized now that he is really all talk and a creep. I try to tell her but it's no use. He's super good at playing the 'victim to his own urges', like 'oh no I feel terrible for kissing this young girl I'm such a bad person' but then he goes and does it again and instead of just kissing they have a proper sexual relationship... it's like he is trying to still appear as a good guy when he's really just being a total douche. She's too self absorbed and absorbed in the situation to realize just how naive she really is, he is still with his girlfriend after all even if they now have an 'open' relationship (that I doubt she properly understands the extent of) and at the end of the day it will be his girlfriend that he goes running back to and not the vulnerable, needy young girl who he just uses for sex. :/ I really don't know what to do anymore.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 19, 2013
Poll
Which pet is the best?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.