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Boyfriend's fetishes? Watch

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    (Original post by redferry)
    I think it's too at odds with my feminit standpoint in all honest, it scared me that a lot of men get off on women not enjoying things and the idea of my sex life straying towards that is too at odds with who I am as a person. It took me a while to get over the whole male dominance in the bedroom thing. I think me and my boyfriend are both dominants, which apparently doesn't work, but we've worked it out ok
    I guess maybe compromise is ok, but I hate the word sacrifice, like you are giving something up, that's balls.
    Like you say, maybe it's your viewpoint. I find that a lot of people's viewpoints outside of the bedroom can limit and mould what happens inside of the bedroom
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    Like you say, maybe it's your viewpoint. I find that a lot of people's viewpoints outside of the bedroom can limit and mould what happens inside of the bedroom
    Well I'm pretty easygoing I just draw the line at pain and anal. I don't enjoy doing things which don't turn me on and those two are major turn-offs for me. Do you not think it's important that people feel able to say no when it comes to things that are a turn-off for them and not feel they have to do everything their partner wants to get them to stay, which in my experience is the way a lot of women feel (less so men but I'm sure some guys do feel like that too!)

    I guess I'm lucky to have a boyfriend that doesn't get off on things once he knows they don't turn me on, his pleasure stems from my enjoyment and vice versa. That's a good way to be.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Well I'm pretty easygoing I just draw the line at pain and anal. I don't enjoy doing things which don't turn me on and those two are major turn-offs for me. Do you not think it's important that people feel able to say no when it comes to things that are a turn-off for them and not feel they have to do everything their partner wants to get them to stay, which in my experience is the way a lot of women feel (less so men but I'm sure some guys do feel like that too!)

    I guess I'm lucky to have a boyfriend that doesn't get off on things once he knows they don't turn me on, his pleasure stems from my enjoyment and vice versa. That's a good way to be.
    Of course they can say no. I think this goes back to the, doing it for the other partner thing. I wouldn't let a partner ram me up the arse with a 10-inch strap-on, that would be too far. But at the same time, if a partner wanted to do something like I don't know, be dominant and use a riding crop or something, I'd go with it, I don't get turned on by pain, but so long as it's nothing too uncomfortable then I'd do it for them. And as I said before, I would never pressure anyone to do anything they didn't want to.

    And I agree, when both parties are really into it, that's the best, I think you're seperating the two kinds of sex life, when in reality, they are not seperate. You could have 100 things you equally enjoy, but the 101st and 102nd only one partner is really into. I'd still try those last two, you might not, it's not such a huge difference really
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Well I'm pretty easygoing I just draw the line at pain and anal. I don't enjoy doing things which don't turn me on and those two are major turn-offs for me. Do you not think it's important that people feel able to say no when it comes to things that are a turn-off for them and not feel they have to do everything their partner wants to get them to stay, which in my experience is the way a lot of women feel (less so men but I'm sure some guys do feel like that too!)

    I guess I'm lucky to have a boyfriend that doesn't get off on things once he knows they don't turn me on, his pleasure stems from my enjoyment and vice versa. That's a good way to be.
    I think you're kinda missing the point we're putting across. No one feels like they have to do anything. I've said time and time again that my boyfriend has never pressured me into doing anything (and if he had I'd be out of there in a shot). I'm not some feeble woman trying to please her man at any expense to me. I'm aware of my rights, I'm aware of my desires and I'm aware of the risks. I'm perfectly aware I have the right to say no.

    But I'm also open minded. I'm aware that he has these desires and he can't help them. I'm willing to work on them. I'm willing to look for a solution that doesn't lead to me demanding we only do things the way I want. Because I care about him. Not because I feel I have to or because I'm scared he'll leave me if I don't, but because I genuinely want to do it for him.
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    Of course they can say no. I think this goes back to the, doing it for the other partner thing. I wouldn't let a partner ram me up the arse with a 10-inch strap-on, that would be too far. But at the same time, if a partner wanted to do something like I don't know, be dominant and use a riding crop or something, I'd go with it, I don't get turned on by pain, but so long as it's nothing too uncomfortable then I'd do it for them. And as I said before, I would never pressure anyone to do anything they didn't want to.
    Haha you have obviously never been hit by a riding crop, that **** HURTS! I see your point though. For me there are certain things I don't enjoy and I'm not willing to carry on doing them because it makes me feel uncomfortable and totally turned off so not wan't to carry on with sex, which just ruins it for both of us. e.g hair pulling (hard). Someone suddenly yanking on half my hair is not sexy, it hurts a lot and makes my hair fall out. I'm not a masochist and I like my hair so I'm not going to enjoy that. Plus when it falls out it always migrates into my mouth, which is frankly ****ing annoying. Ever swallowed a really long hair then pulled it out your mouth? I do regularly and it's vile, the biggest turn off in the world is the feeling of pulling a hair essentially out of your stomach. Neither party wants that ****.

    And I agree, when both parties are really into it, that's the best, I think you're seperating the two kinds of sex life, when in reality, they are not seperate. You could have 100 things you equally enjoy, but the 101st and 102nd only one partner is really into. I'd still try those last two, you might not, it's not such a huge difference really
    I guess for me a caring person would prefer to do the things both parties enjoy rather than what just they enjoy. If you see where I am coming from? I know you can't help what turns you on etc, but I don't want to end up like my friend who ends up getting drunk every night so she can let her boyfriend do anal.
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    (Original post by MarieCat)
    I think you're kinda missing the point we're putting across. No one feels like they have to do anything. I've said time and time again that my boyfriend has never pressured me into doing anything (and if he had I'd be out of there in a shot). I'm not some feeble woman trying to please her man at any expense to me. I'm aware of my rights, I'm aware of my desires and I'm aware of the risks. I'm perfectly aware I have the right to say no.

    But I'm also open minded. I'm aware that he has these desires and he can't help them. I'm willing to work on them. I'm willing to look for a solution that doesn't lead to me demanding we only do things the way I want. Because I care about him. Not because I feel I have to or because I'm scared he'll leave me if I don't, but because I genuinely want to do it for him.
    Sorry I was just generalising rather than applying it to you, my bad, your main problem is lack of communication, and not anything else. But you see the guy saying you are the reason guys cheat? A surprising number of women actually believe that.

    Basically I was saying the line where it becomes wrong is where someone enjoys it because of the other persons discomfort or someone feels they can't say no. We don't know if your boyfriend will want to do these things once he knows your uncomfortable, so all you can do is chat to him.
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    (Original post by MarieCat)
    Once I started thinking about it, it just got scarier and scarier. I really, really don't want anything going up there. It sounds painful and messy as hell.
    These were my feelings exactly. The unspoken rules that help for me and my bf are:
    - If I say "not now", we don't do it no questions asked.
    - I dictate the pace/depth/rate at which we take things and this is very open and not embarassing/awkward.
    - He wears a condom and sorts out the mess!
    - We most often do it say, before planning to have a shower together and this alleviates my concerns about mess.

    Remember not to feign anything and if it hurts or you feel scared just slow things down or stop.

    Lubrication is a must! Openness and trust are a must!

    (Original post by MarieCat)
    Your experience is really helpful actually. It wasn't painful at all? How long (roughly) do you think it took to become enjoyable?
    There have been moments (on "entry" basically) of pain/discomfort but these are fleeting (as may occasionally happen in normal sex) because we always slow down and stop if there is a problem like that. So you must make it clear to your bf that he has to check with you and listen to what you're saying. It became enjoyable when I stopped feeling uncomfortable/worried about the mess (my major hang-up about it) and got familiar with it enough so that I wasn't always feeling I had to be very careful. No sex is ever gonna be enjoyable if you're trying to control everything and don't feel relaxed! Obviously the very cautious approach couples have to take with anal at first does reduce the enjoyment, but as you get relaxed with it (if you do), you also learn techniques (I won't go into detail as I think it wouldn't be allowed) to maximise your enjoyment and it can be combined with other things :p:
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Haha you have obviously never been hit by a riding crop, that **** HURTS! I see your point though. For me there are certain things I don't enjoy and I'm not willing to carry on doing them because it makes me feel uncomfortable and totally turned off so not wan't to carry on with sex, which just ruins it for both of us. e.g hair pulling (hard). Someone suddenly yanking on half my hair is not sexy, it hurts a lot and makes my hair fall out. I'm not a masochist and I like my hair so I'm not going to enjoy that. Plus when it falls out it always migrates into my mouth, which is frankly ****ing annoying. Ever swallowed a really long hair then pulled it out your mouth? I do regularly and it's vile, the biggest turn off in the world is the feeling of pulling a hair essentially out of your stomach. Neither party wants that ****.



    I guess for me a caring person would prefer to do the things both parties enjoy rather than what just they enjoy. If you see where I am coming from? I know you can't help what turns you on etc, but I don't want to end up like my friend who ends up getting drunk every night so she can let her boyfriend do anal.
    Not full on, but then in my experience, you rarely go full on in a sub-dom situation, I certainly never have. Fair enough, like I say, I differ, in that so long as it's something that isn't making me really uncomfortable I'd be willing to go with it. And I only have short hair

    I've got to object to the way you're using 'caring'. As I said before, there are different relationship dynamics. Most people would say someone isn't a caring partner if they refused to ever go to a museum because they found it boring, even though their partner loved them. Can we move away from that judgement of different relationship dynamics?
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    Not full on, but then in my experience, you rarely go full on in a sub-dom situation, I certainly never have. Fair enough, like I say, I differ, in that so long as it's something that isn't making me really uncomfortable I'd be willing to go with it. And I only have short hair

    I've got to object to the way you're using 'caring'. As I said before, there are different relationship dynamics. Most people would say someone isn't a caring partner if they refused to ever go to a museum because they found it boring, even though their partner loved them. Can we move away from that judgement of different relationship dynamics?
    Well really the not caring party in that situation is the one that expects the person to go to the museum even though they don't enjoy it in my opinion! Who does that?! Why not go to the zoo which you both enjoy? Or whatever.

    anyway I think we should stop hijacking this thread but feel free to message me if you want to carry on this conversation!
 
 
 
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