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Postponing/Not going to university because of anxiety? Watch

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    I'm an international student and I've recently been given a conditional offer to attend a top ten university in Britain. I was very excited about it until a couple of weeks ago when my parents told me how impractical it would be to go off to university in a completely different country in my condition

    I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past four years and apart from my cousin, I have absolutely no friends and spend all of my time with my family. I'm emotionally dependent on my family and even though I really want to go to university, I don't know if I could handle being in a foreign country, completely on my own, with nobody to rely on for support. I've seen a psychiatrist and she doesn't think that it would be a good idea for me to go either

    I'm considering just getting a degree at the below-average university in my city and going to the UK for postraduate study, but I'm sick of not being able to move forward in my life because of my anxiety and I can tell that if I deprive myself of the chance to get a quality education just because I'm afraid of what might happen, I'll regret it for the rest of my life

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm an international student and I've recently been given a conditional offer to attend a top ten university in Britain. I was very excited about it until a couple of weeks ago when my parents told me how impractical it would be to go off to university in a completely different country in my condition

    I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past four years and apart from my cousin, I have absolutely no friends and spend all of my time with my family. I'm emotionally dependent on my family and even though I really want to go to university, I don't know if I could handle being in a foreign country, completely on my own, with nobody to rely on for support. I've seen a psychiatrist and she doesn't think that it would be a good idea for me to go either

    I'm considering just getting a degree at the below-average university in my city and going to the UK for postraduate study, but I'm sick of not being able to move forward in my life because of my anxiety and I can tell that if I deprive myself of the chance to get a quality education just because I'm afraid of what might happen, I'll regret it for the rest of my life

    Opinions/advice?
    What caused your anxiety and depression?

    It's only natural to feel anxious about going to university especially if you are travelling abroad and it's natural that your parents are concerned too.

    I was very anxious when I started university and cried the first night I was away from home drowning my sorrows with a bottle of Jack Daniels. (I wouldn't recommend it!)

    I can only talk from my own experience. Out of all the greatest experiences of my life, I felt massive fear and trepidation before I embarked on the journey and often considered bottling out. In hindsight I am so glad I fought through the fear as those experiences provided me with some of my greatest memories.

    We have a habit of envisaging the worse case scenario but it's very rare that the worst case scenario happens and even if it did, you would probably be able to handle it. The only way to overcome your fears is to confront them in what psychiatrists term 'exposure therapy.' A great book I would recommend reading is 'Fear-the friend of exceptional people' by Geoff Thompson, it inspired me to overcome a lot of fears in my own life.
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    I think taking small steps instead of big steps may be best for you HOWEVER, University could change your life! it depends on whether you want to take that chance or not, I believe if you want to succeed and make friends there then you will! Remember everyone is in the same boat as you when they go to university and everyone wants to make friends, being an International student could work to your advantage as you get to tell all your experiences and about your country etc and how it is back home to your new housemates etc. I personally say if you start from now till September working on your self esteem and determination then I think you should have no problem coming to University here.
    Goodluck
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    I know how you're feeling, some time ago I suffered with depression and anxiety and couldn't see a way out. I had friends that would always ask me to come out, but I just wanted to stay indoors and hide away from the world and eventually they stopped bothering with me. Great friends, eh...

    I eventually figured out that the only way out of the situation, was to change the situation. It sounds like you have a form of social anxiety as well. The only way to combat it is to face your fears, get out amongst people and make some friends, which university is perfect for.
    Not only that, but being at university you'll hopefully make some achievements, brilliant depression killer.

    Ever since I broke out of the same routine every day, things started to change. Sure, I had anxiety through a lot of it to the point that I felt unwell, and sometimes still do have anxious days. But I've learned to deal with it and nothing kills anxiety like getting on with it, just like nothing feeds anxiety like sitting there and worrying about it.

    That's basically it. If you don't change the way you live, the way you live will never change. The only way to achieve happiness is to make changes.
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    Well if you do decide to go, there will be certainly be some form of student services at your uni who could help you with things like homesickness, anxiety and stuff like that who will be very used to dealing international students like yourself, though I do realise your problem would be a little more than just homesickness. Its a difficult one to be honest with you, yes university is fantastic for some and many will tell you it'll be the best years of your life, but at the same time can be the loneliest place in the world if it doesn't go the way you hoped and with mental health issues it could indeed be a real struggle as I found myself. Good luck in whatever you decide.
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    (Original post by WoodyMKC)
    I know how you're feeling, some time ago I suffered with depression and anxiety and couldn't see a way out. I had friends that would always ask me to come out, but I just wanted to stay indoors and hide away from the world and eventually they stopped bothering with me. Great friends, eh...

    I eventually figured out that the only way out of the situation, was to change the situation. It sounds like you have a form of social anxiety as well. The only way to combat it is to face your fears, get out amongst people and make some friends, which university is perfect for.
    Not only that, but being at university you'll hopefully make some achievements, brilliant depression killer.

    Ever since I broke out of the same routine every day, things started to change. Sure, I had anxiety through a lot of it to the point that I felt unwell, and sometimes still do have anxious days. But I've learned to deal with it and nothing kills anxiety like getting on with it, just like nothing feeds anxiety like sitting there and worrying about it.

    That's basically it. If you don't change the way you live, the way you live will never change. The only way to achieve happiness is to make changes.

    This guy is SO right. I have almost EXACTLY THE SAME PROBLEM as you. It's weird. Seriously, I have no friends either (apart from my cousin) and I just hang out with my parents all the time. But it's starting to get better now that I'm attending college. It's a slow process.

    You should definitely go to university. Take it easy and try to think rationally. Take care of yourself physically and do your best in your academic work. Make an effort to go to social occasions and talk to new people. You need to change your routine and your life will change. YOLO!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm an international student and I've recently been given a conditional offer to attend a top ten university in Britain. I was very excited about it until a couple of weeks ago when my parents told me how impractical it would be to go off to university in a completely different country in my condition

    I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past four years and apart from my cousin, I have absolutely no friends and spend all of my time with my family. I'm emotionally dependent on my family and even though I really want to go to university, I don't know if I could handle being in a foreign country, completely on my own, with nobody to rely on for support. I've seen a psychiatrist and she doesn't think that it would be a good idea for me to go either

    I'm considering just getting a degree at the below-average university in my city and going to the UK for postraduate study, but I'm sick of not being able to move forward in my life because of my anxiety and I can tell that if I deprive myself of the chance to get a quality education just because I'm afraid of what might happen, I'll regret it for the rest of my life

    Opinions/advice?
    I think you should go to the university in Britain. Don't let anxiety hold you back from an opportunity like this, you may well regret it for the rest of your life as you said. It's a cliche but you have to confront your fears, don't let them control you.

    Your university in the UK will have measures in place to support people suffering from conditions such as yours, if you reach out you will not be on your own.
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    I suffer from anxiety as well. It's something you will deal with the whole of your life therefore I don't think you should put things off because of it. I went to uni this year although a year late but I think my anxiety has improved.
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    Hm, it is difficult to give you the right advice. I think the most important thing is that you feel totally okay with the decision you take at the end. I have also made the experience, that the fastest way isn't necessarily the way which leads to your aim, so don't let yourself be influenced by the opinions of others or the pace of others. It is your life, no ones else and there is one way for you, which will work.

    I think it depends also on the support your chosen university can offer you and the complexity of the solutions to certain scenarios (e.g. drop out, get immediate support, get in contact with your family,...). Money plays a role, too, I suppose. It is a great difference if your family can pay for every fly home and is able to visit you or if your whole savings have to be spend.

    Good luck and don't hurry!
 
 
 
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