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When does it get better? Long post sorry Watch

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    Its week 2 of no contact for me - me 20 and bf 23yr old (now ex) have been on and off for 2years- very dysfunctional relationship breaking up making up- Him acting childish and never ever talking out a relationship. He would just ignore the fact that we have argued and act like nothing ever happened.

    His birthday is on valentines day - We were not talking due to an argument but i rang him at 12am and wished him happy birthday. Met the next day and i made it special for him. However that night we argued again.

    I wanted to meet him to talk about all these issues, i gave him a ultimatum and told him if he did not come we would be over- My phone battery died so i could not make it - he did come but he was in a car full of guy mates, So if i had seen him he wouldnt have spoken to me about our 'issues' because he would have been wanting to go back to his friends.

    Fast forward 2 weeks - we did not speak regular unless to spite each other and throw stupid comments, he asked me to meet him. I asked why and was told its a boring sunday so i told him we are over i am not your friend. He 'lol'd and said i miss you - lets talk in the morning. The next day without warning he blocked me on fb, whatsapp and unfollowed me on twitter.

    I dont know why he did this apart from the fact that he went out on a day out with his friends and they brought girls along so he must have met someone else but i have has no closure over this and feel pretty much crap everyday.

    I am currently at uni and taken up two jobs over the weekend to keep me busy and distract me from him but it hurts knowing he did not care about me at all and just blocked me out of his life. My birthday is next saturday and i have this little bit of hope inside me that he might contact me. Yes i know i'm stupid but he was my first real love and i have been his longest relationship.


    So i want to know when does it get better? How do i keep myself from missing him?
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    (Original post by Pinksoh)

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    OP, I will be honest with you, when people say things like 'it isnt love if it doesnt hurt' they are wrong. Love is not supposed to hurt at all, yes, when you argue etc... it makes you upset etc... but real love, does not HURT. It makes you upset but does, or should, not hurt at all. Physically especially.

    Now, ask yourself this: Do you see a future with him? Does he seem like your soul mate? Does he even deserve it?

    Do not lose hope OP, eventually and I pray that you find the one who will not make you feel like this.

    Much love xxxxxxxx
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    (Original post by Silver Lining)
    OP, I will be honest with you, when people say things like 'it isnt love if it doesnt hurt' they are wrong. Love is not supposed to hurt at all, yes, when you argue etc... it makes you upset etc... but real love, does not HURT. It makes you upset but does, or should, not hurt at all. Physically especially.

    Now, ask yourself this: Do you see a future with him? Does he seem like your soul mate? Does he even deserve it?

    Do not lose hope OP, eventually and I pray that you find the one who will not make you feel like this.

    Much love xxxxxxxx
    Thanks for your reply- Re your questions, Yes i did see a future with him and he does seem like my soul mate but he does not deserve it- only if he got rid of his ego. Maybe im still looking through rose tinted glasses so i wont pay attention to his bad side.

    How long has it taken you or anyone else to move on? I have days when i feel good and other days i feel really cr*p *Sigh* I guess its going to take time but i want the pain to go asap
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    (Original post by Pinksoh)
    Thanks for your reply- Re your questions, Yes i did see a future with him and he does seem like my soul mate but he does not deserve it- only if he got rid of his ego. Maybe im still looking through rose tinted glasses so i wont pay attention to his bad side.

    How long has it taken you or anyone else to move on? I have days when i feel good and other days i feel really cr*p *Sigh* I guess its going to take time but i want the pain to go asap
    No need to say thank you. I understand what you are saying and it is easy for me to say this and difficult for you to put this in action. But, that is all about life where you be logical and there will be times when you have to get up and move on.

    Do this, get up, look in the mirror - does he look good standing next to you? Can you have someone who will make you look and feel good? Have a nice warm shower and look at the possibilities of you succeeding in life, is he pulling you down from the things you can do?

    Does he seem like he is getting in the way of things that you can do? Write down a list of you talents etc... I promise you will better. If not, you can PM me anytime and I will be up to help! xxxxxxxx
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    (Original post by Silver Lining)
    No need to say thank you. I understand what you are saying and it is easy for me to say this and difficult for you to put this in action. But, that is all about life where you be logical and there will be times when you have to get up and move on.

    Do this, get up, look in the mirror - does he look good standing next to you? Can you have someone who will make you look and feel good? Have a nice warm shower and look at the possibilities of you succeeding in life, is he pulling you down from the things you can do?

    Does he seem like he is getting in the way of things that you can do? Write down a list of you talents etc... I promise you will better. If not, you can PM me anytime and I will be up to help! xxxxxxxx
    He does distract me from uni and due to him i have put myself in this awful habit of not sleeping at night as i used to text him all night while he used to work.

    I do feel i would be better without him its just putting it into action- I have been fine these past few week but i saw his car drive past yesterday (Private number plate) and it just hit me- I have been thinking of him ever since.

    I think it just upsets me as i'm a very closed person and made an effort to open up to him and the fact that he could throw away these 2years so easily.

    I just needed abit of a rant and get it out of my system because i dont show these feeling to my friends to anyone else lol :rolleyes:

    Its quite therapeutic writing it all down tbh
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    (Original post by Pinksoh)

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    From the things you are saying, you seem like a gem! 2 years is a lot to forget and as you said, it is theurapetic for your to write these things down, what would be even better is if you would speak to someone, friends or family.

    Like you said, you think about the nights where you texted him, it is hard for you to move on. I guess you just need a big hug?
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    (Original post by Pinksoh)
    Its week 2 of no contact for me - me 20 and bf 23yr old (now ex) have been on and off for 2years- very dysfunctional relationship breaking up making up- Him acting childish and never ever talking out a relationship. He would just ignore the fact that we have argued and act like nothing ever happened.

    His birthday is on valentines day - We were not talking due to an argument but i rang him at 12am and wished him happy birthday. Met the next day and i made it special for him. However that night we argued again.

    I wanted to meet him to talk about all these issues, i gave him a ultimatum and told him if he did not come we would be over- My phone battery died so i could not make it - he did come but he was in a car full of guy mates, So if i had seen him he wouldnt have spoken to me about our 'issues' because he would have been wanting to go back to his friends.

    Fast forward 2 weeks - we did not speak regular unless to spite each other and throw stupid comments, he asked me to meet him. I asked why and was told its a boring sunday so i told him we are over i am not your friend. He 'lol'd and said i miss you - lets talk in the morning. The next day without warning he blocked me on fb, whatsapp and unfollowed me on twitter.

    I dont know why he did this apart from the fact that he went out on a day out with his friends and they brought girls along so he must have met someone else but i have has no closure over this and feel pretty much crap everyday.

    I am currently at uni and taken up two jobs over the weekend to keep me busy and distract me from him but it hurts knowing he did not care about me at all and just blocked me out of his life. My birthday is next saturday and i have this little bit of hope inside me that he might contact me. Yes i know i'm stupid but he was my first real love and i have been his longest relationship.


    So i want to know when does it get better? How do i keep myself from missing him?
    Realise you are much better without him. A destructive, dysfunctional relationship is going to be terrible for you in the long run. You might feel bad now but you will realise in time (maybe a month, maybe a year) that you are better off now.
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    (Original post by Silver Lining)
    From the things you are saying, you seem like a gem! 2 years is a lot to forget and as you said, it is theurapetic for your to write these things down, what would be even better is if you would speak to someone, friends or family.

    Like you said, you think about the nights where you texted him, it is hard for you to move on. I guess you just need a big hug?
    Aww bless you, Yeah i guess a hug is needed and just need to keep busy.
    Its weird as i have many other guy friends offering to take me out for a date or food bla bla to get my mind off it now that they know im single but i just dont want to deal with any men now.

    Going to concentrate on Family, Uni, Friends, Work. Easier said than done i guess but i need to start somewhere
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    (Original post by ellieHA)
    Realise you are much better without him. A destructive, dysfunctional relationship is going to be terrible for you in the long run. You might feel bad now but you will realise in time (maybe a month, maybe a year) that you are better off now.
    I just wish there was a off switch that i could press and just stop caring. To be honest i just want o get over it and move on with life but this 'getting over it' business is taking too long - i moved on and stopped caring within days with my other two ex's :confused:
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    (Original post by Pinksoh)
    I just wish there was a off switch that i could press and just stop caring. To be honest i just want o get over it and move on with life but this 'getting over it' business is taking too long - i moved on and stopped caring within days with my other two ex's :confused:
    It's not easy but i've been through the same kind of thing myself and it took quite a long time, but i'm so much better off now than I ever was in the relationship. At the time I didn't think i'd ever feel better but now I can't imagine subjecting myself to that all over again. It's a bit of a struggle but one day you will feel the same way
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    Hey, probably not the best person to take advice on other than what not to do, as it took me 2 years to get over my last long relationship, but I'll give you what advice I can:
    1. Cut all contact and stick to it, seeng them and trying to be friends only makes it 1000 times worse
    2. Focus on all the bad things he ever did to you, and try not to focus on the good. For me this meant focusing on how horrible he was to me after the breakup and not the times when we were together.
    3. Don't get with loads of guys for self validation, keep strong and wait for the right person to come along
    4. keep busy busy busy, not just with work but doing lots of fun stuff too, don't spend too much time on your own because you will dwell on it
    5. Don't drink too much, alcohol is a depressant and you will often feel really down the next day
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    (Original post by Pinksoh)
    Aww bless you, Yeah i guess a hug is needed and just need to keep busy.
    Its weird as i have many other guy friends offering to take me out for a date or food bla bla to get my mind off it now that they know im single but i just dont want to deal with any men now.

    Going to concentrate on Family, Uni, Friends, Work. Easier said than done i guess but i need to start somewhere

    So, I guess looking in the mirror worked? Ahahhaa, I hope you are happy again
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    (Original post by ellieHA)
    It's not easy but i've been through the same kind of thing myself and it took quite a long time, but i'm so much better off now than I ever was in the relationship. At the time I didn't think i'd ever feel better but now I can't imagine subjecting myself to that all over again. It's a bit of a struggle but one day you will feel the same way
    Hopefully i will feel the same- I have been told one day i'll wake up and not have that achy feeling in my heart anymore. Thanks
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Hey, probably not the best person to take advice on other than what not to do, as it took me 2 years to get over my last long relationship, but I'll give you what advice I can:
    1. Cut all contact and stick to it, seeng them and trying to be friends only makes it 1000 times worse
    2. Focus on all the bad things he ever did to you, and try not to focus on the good. For me this meant focusing on how horrible he was to me after the breakup and not the times when we were together.
    3. Don't get with loads of guys for self validation, keep strong and wait for the right person to come along
    4. keep busy busy busy, not just with work but doing lots of fun stuff too, don't spend too much time on your own because you will dwell on it
    5. Don't drink too much, alcohol is a depressant and you will often feel really down the next day

    Thank you- The highlighter bits are what im lacking in as i always think about the good thinks he did and spend alot of my time alone. Its my 21st coming up soon so im going to just keep myself busy planning that Thanks
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    (Original post by Silver Lining)
    So, I guess looking in the mirror worked? Ahahhaa, I hope you are happy again
    I am happy for the time being- Went shopping ahha Its one step forward two steps back atm but i'll pick myself up soon enough Thanks
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    I reckon after about a month it's a little better because you develop a routine without him - but it's gonna suck until you've realised he isn't actually what you want. Good luck, stay strong


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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    (Original post by Pinksoh)
    I am happy for the time being- Went shopping ahha Its one step forward two steps back atm but i'll pick myself up soon enough Thanks
    Good! I am glad you are happy. And, no need to thank me! Anytime
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    It gets better when you come to a realisation and/or find someone else.

    In the meantime, cut all contact and keep yourself busy with things, especially things you enjoy - whether that's hobbies, work, drinking, digging graves, shopping or graduating uni etc. just keep moving forwards and you'll eventually not think of him anymore, or when you do, you won't feel anything.
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    I had a clear head for about two days and he messaged me.

    I posted on facebook about how much my wisdom tooth was hurting and the fact that my dentist has removed me off his patient list so i need to find a new one asap. I dont know how but someone off my list told him and he inboxed me asking how i was- I replied that i was fine and he said stop lying and gave me the link of a dental practice close to me which is taking on new patients. I said my thanks and logged out- a little while later my phone pinged and he was asking what i was doing and asked if i could take some time out to meet him. I asked why and he said ''i just want to see you and talk can we meet tomorrow?''


    What to do? What to reply? What to think? Im obviously not over him and im all confused again
 
 
 
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