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Feelings for a guy who's in a troubled relationship.... watch


    (Original post by Pigling)
    He's coming on very strong expressing his obviously romantic feelings for her. "Just friends" do not discuss dreaming about the other, finding them attractive, and divulge the details of their struggling relationship in the terms "I wish you were my gf".

    If a male "friend" spoke to me in this way, I would express my discomfort and there's no way it would continue. This kind of talk just can't happen without some kind of mutual romantic feeling being there. If he doesn't realise that then it's because he doesn't want to or is incredibly inconsiderate*.

    *Exactly the same as a girl who has a male friend that is obviously into her and listens patiently to her emotional problems in the way that a lover would.. all whilst she tells him what a great boyfriend he would be but it never goes anywhere. People are (rightly) ready to call out this behaviour in women, but men can do it too. It is different to someone who just acts like a friend and doesn't know their mate loves them, because he is not acting like a friend. Telling someone you fancy them/wish they were your romantic partner is acting like a lover not a friend. If he wasn't already in a relationship they'd effectively be courting. It's always obvious.

    The gratification in is having this extra romantic partner to confide in outside of his relationship (or if single, without having to have a proper relationship), even if nothing physical is involved.

    You don't do this to someone when you are in a relationship. It is disrespectful both to your partner and that person.

    EDIT: I don't mean this to be argumentative, I could see where you were coming from so I'm just clarifying my point
    Not at all...i totally see your point. Thanks for clarifying!

    Yeah, in a sense maybe he is using her....emotionally at least, cos you do make a good point...with friends, you dont tell them you like them so much unless if you wanna be with them...and he hasnt left his partner so he knows the OP cant be with him.

    I just think he may be a bit messed up and unhappy and looking for some form of happiness elsewhere...and the OP is currently providing it...but you're right, she wants more, but he isnt leaving his current partner.

    Difficult situation!

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I see your point, its a very good point. I've kept myself to myself in a sense that I hasn't told him my feelings and nothing has actually gone on between us so I don't think he is using me in that way - But some of the stuff he has said isn't appropriate to say to someone who is your friend, especially when you have a girlfriend. Idk though, the whole situation is really making me uncomfortable to go to work because the more I'm around him, the more I want to be with him and I can't see that happening
    Hey OP,

    Yup, i totally understand your position. Its very awkward and difficult!

    In a way he is using you to get that closeness with someone, without having to actually engage as if in a proper relationship. It may or may not be intentional.

    The problem is, you dont want to be the reason he decides to leave his gf...smply cos it isnt a good or strong way to start a relationship. You want him to be sure he doesnt want to be with his current gf irrespective of whether you like him or not.

    All i can say is just try to ease back about when you talk to him....if he brings up anything about great you are, or how how dreamt of you, or how his gf isnt satisfying him in bed, just politely say that you feel like its probably a little inappropriate to talk like this seeing as he has a partner.
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