So I'm going to tell you my story.
I'm now 19 years old and female.
I got into a relationship with another girl when I was 14/15 we were together for 3 and a half years. But for the whole of that time is was secret! Some people obviously questioned but for some reason we used to deny it. This girl was my absolute world, my first love my first everything, we loved each other more than anything. But it all changed...
1 year and a half ago she broke up with me and started to see a boy 2 weeks after, while she was seeing him we were still in contact she used to still kiss me and hug me which did play mind games. Couple of months after just seeing each other they got together for me it was the worse day of my life I felt as if my body was in shock it probably was, they got together and have been together since. I gained alot of suicidle thoughts from this i was very depressed even when they were seeing each other i felt like my whole life collapsed not because she was seeing him but just because no one knew and that was the hardest part to keep it all inside me while i would let her live her life and be happy. When they got together I obviously looked on a social networking site and saw her say love you to him , I have a lot of self respect for myself so I rang her and said do you love him? I wasn't going to keep telling her I love her while she was saying it to 2 people. this was the time I would walk away after seeing that, her response was.. Not as much I love you. This was one year and half ago and for me that was the letting go point which I did. Month after this it was her 18th birthday and I text her to say happy birthday I miss her and love her she replied with thanks means a lot love you too. This was the last time I spoke to her since today. She's still with her boyfriend, but he doesn't know and no one hardly does know about me and her, but some people like her family must of guessed by now as i just vanished from her life while i was always around her family , its like I've just disappeared. Couple of my friends know as I needed support during the breakup. I wish she could be honest and live up to how she felt. But she has replaced me in everything single way , to everyone else it's like he's her first love and first everything, while she was with me before. It's all very messed up and confusing.
I have been dreading bumping into her, but I did in a night club the other night. I knew she was going to be there , but it wasn't going to stop me having a good time with my friend, my friend knows what happens with us. The moment I bumped into her our eyes connected for that couple of seconds. She said hello to my friend I was with because we all had the same friends at school which was hard. I was laughing and dancing the whole night, she was looking at me the whole entire night and I was also looking at her, everywhere I looked I could see her looking at me, I made a grin and she grinned back. As the night ended and I got home she later text our friend to say you looked straight at me when I was crying, my friend replied with why was you crying she replied to next morning with it don't matter now. I didn't understand while she was crying.
She's still with her boyfriend to this date and they've booked a holiday for this summer, which I'm happy for she is obviously very much in love.
I do miss her every minute and I will always love her.
All this has effected my ambitions and motivation in life. You never know what's around the corner and what you got until its gone.
Feel free to share your opinions and your stories, its good to talk about it!
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Moving on from your first love Watch
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- 18-03-2013 16:57