I think my sister might be a psychopath

I know this sounds like an exaggeration but my girlfriend mentioned it to me and having looked at the requirements on wikipedia she matches enough easily to qualify imo (here).

The most noticeable trait is that she has absolutely no empathy and never had, she only cares about herself. Recently it was my other sister's big 21st birthday party and she didn't bother turning up because she couldn't be bothered. She dropped out of uni a couple of years back and now works random jobs occasionally when she needs money but otherwise doesn't bother with any responsibility or life time plan. She has many hundreds of friends and seems to get on with people well but only when she has a need for them, friendship isn't a two-way street with her, her friends are only there to satisfy her. It was the same when we were growing up, she'd do stuff with me but only if it benefited her. She would also blame me when she did something wrong and as far as I can tell not feel any guilt for it. She's always phoning up my mum and dad and asking for money.

All the symptoms seem to fit and I'm not really sure what I'm asking, I guess....does anyone else know someone like this? What is the best way of dealing with them? My other sister is currently really upset about the birthday party, she keeps asking me what did she do wrong to have been shunned like that, it really pains me to see her so upset.

I don't really know how I should deal with the sister I think is a psychopath, should I bother trying to talk to her when I know she only talks to me if she wants something? We lived 30mins away from each other for the past 4 years and I've seen her twice in that time - she just doesn't seem to give any **** about her family and it's upsetting. I've tried to keep in touch and she always has more important things to do than meet me (take drugs and lie on her sofa). Should I tell her how upset she made my other sister by not turning up at family events?

Anyone got any advice what I should do?

Reply 1

User1014865

17

From what you've said she appears to have:

Schizoid personality disorder but I'm no expert!

Psychopathic appears to be a bit extreme, psychopaths can detach the emotions of others and mimic it to exploit others. Psychopaths tend to sometimes be criminals; does your sister have any criminal offenses?

Reply 2

CasualSoul

16

hmm I wouldn't say she's a psychopath from what you've described, but then again I do not know her. She really distances herself from her family do you think it could possibly be because she feels a bit ashamed and almost as if she deserves to be alone. It seems she's hurting on the inside but does everything she can not to get this across. She would know that not going to her own sisters party would hurt her and it seems she wants to possibly make others feel some of the pain and feelings shes going through. I feel she uses the 'I can't be bothered' just to disguise how she really feels. At your sisters birthday there would persuably be a lot of other relatives around and friends all wishing her well bringing her gifts, saying how proud they are of her etc. I'm sure no onne would say anything negative about your other sister but in her head she may be like 'and here's me : a university drop out who hasn't even been able to hold down a job'. I'm not sticking up for her or anything but I don't know to me it just seems like there is so much more going on inside her head than what you see on the surface..but then again I'm no psychologist so yeah :cool:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Iamyourfather

From what you've said she appears to have:

Schizoid personality disorder but I'm no expert!

Psychopathic appears to be a bit extreme, psychopaths can detach the emotions of others and mimic it to exploit others. Psychopaths tend to sometimes be criminals; does your sister have any criminal offenses?

The wiki page for that says people with it have trouble with relationships whereas she seems to have no trouble she just doesn't give a **** about the other party and simply uses them for her own ends. She also tends toward activities with a lot of people rather than solitary as that disorder says, I know she goes to gigs a lot and to the pub with her many friends all the time.

As far as I know she doesn't have any criminal record but she does hard drugs pretty often and when we were younger she would always get me into trouble not her. I noticed on the psychopathy page that she meets the Hare scale (from my perceptions at least) even without a criminal history.

I know it seems a bit dramatic the whole psychopath thing and I'm still thinking things over myself, it's not like I could get her to see a doctor or anything, it's more me asking for advice on how to deal with such a self-centred person.

Reply 4

IlexBlue

2

She could just be a bitch.

Reply 5

Esempy

This is the best/most interesting post I've seen on here oh lord

I'm incredibly interested in psychopaths (don't ask) and from what I've read etc psychopaths are usually better at hiding it than that. Like you wouldn't be able to tell that obviously because they're good at manipulation and faux displays of emotion

It just sounds like she's a bit bad at being a family member to be honest, in the politest way of putting it.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 6

SopheElisa

2

In all honesty your best bet would be to go and talk this through with a psychiatrist/psychologist or someone who works with diagnosing those with any personality disorder (if you feel it's enough to be one). Psychopath is widely used as an umbrella term for those with a considerable lack of empathy/no feeling towards others and lack of responsibility, or indeed any "strange" personality disorder, so try not to worry yourself too much with this. My sister was convinced at one point that I suffered from a form of either narcissism or schizoid personality disorder just from looking up the symptoms online (I'm pretty sure any doctor might've picked up on severe traits if I did have it!) which is why looking things up online isn't a good idea. But if you are genuinely worried, talk to your family about any potential history in psychosis (most disorders stem from a genetic history), and see if you can talk to a doctor before making any other steps.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by CasualSoul

hmm I wouldn't say she's a psychopath from what you've described, but then again I do not know her. She really distances herself from her family do you think it could possibly be because she feels a bit ashamed and almost as if she deserves to be alone. It seems she's hurting on the inside but does everything she can not to get this across. She would know that not going to her own sisters party would hurt her and it seems she wants to possibly make others feel some of the pain and feelings shes going through. I feel she uses the 'I can't be bothered' just to disguise how she really feels. At your sisters birthday there would persuably be a lot of other relatives around and friends all wishing her well bringing her gifts, saying how proud they are of her etc. I'm sure no onne would say anything negative about your other sister but in her head she may be like 'and here's me : a university drop out who hasn't even been able to hold down a job'. I'm not sticking up for her or anything but I don't know to me it just seems like there is so much more going on inside her head than what you see on the surface..but then again I'm no psychologist so yeah :cool:

Interesting...so you think it's more a manifestation of depression than what I suggested?

I hadn't considered that to be honest but I don't think it's the case. On the two occasions I saw her in the past few years she told me how happy she was and how perfect her life was (without me or my family in it). She loves not working, she thinks jobs are for "suckers", if she could live off benefits forever she would be one happy girl. She also told me that she doesn't see the point in a degree when all it leads to is a job and obviously that's a bad thing.

I didn't mention this to start with but I have been diagnosed with depression and, although I know not every case of depression is the same, I see nothing of what I see in myself in her. For instance I have her on facebook and pretty much every day her page is updated with photos of her with her friends (of which she has nearly 1000 on facebook), her wall is filled with comments, she's always being invited to parties etc and she seems extremely happy. I think the "can't be bothered" is more because she simply doesn't care about her family than she's worried about looking bad or trying to disguise how she feels. It also wouldn't fit with how she acted when she was younger - when I was about 2 she pushed me down the stairs as she was jealous of the attention my parents were giving me, she also got me into trouble so many times and when we were teenagers the only time she hung out with me was when she wanted something from me.

Reply 8

User1014865

17

Original post by Anonymous

The wiki page for that says people with it have trouble with relationships whereas she seems to have no trouble she just doesn't give a **** about the other party and simply uses them for her own ends. She also tends toward activities with a lot of people rather than solitary as that disorder says, I know she goes to gigs a lot and to the pub with her many friends all the time.

As far as I know she doesn't have any criminal record but she does hard drugs pretty often and when we were younger she would always get me into trouble not her. I noticed on the psychopathy page that she meets the Hare scale (from my perceptions at least) even without a criminal history.

I know it seems a bit dramatic the whole psychopath thing and I'm still thinking things over myself, it's not like I could get her to see a doctor or anything, it's more me asking for advice on how to deal with such a self-centred person.

Hmmm, it says that she'll need at least 4 of those 9 traits. Does she desire friendships/relationships or doesn't care? Have you ever told her why she chooses to be like this?

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Esempy

This is the best/most interesting post I've seen on here oh lord

I'm incredibly interested in psychopaths (don't ask) and from what I've read etc psychopaths are usually better at hiding it than that. Like you wouldn't be able to tell that obviously because they're good at manipulation and faux displays of emotion

It just sounds like she's a bit bad at being a family member to be honest, in the politest way of putting it.

Posted from TSR Mobile

I hadn't noticed, it was my girlfriend who first suggested something might be up with her and my parents just say she's "selfish" and leave it at that. You're right it might just be that she's a bad family member, I guess I just felt bad for my other sister. I just wanted advice on how to deal with someone like that whether it's psychopathy or simply being a bad sister I guess it doesn't really matter as she still acts the same way. :dontknow:

Original post by SopheElisa

In all honesty your best bet would be to go and talk this through with a psychiatrist/psychologist or someone who works with diagnosing those with any personality disorder (if you feel it's enough to be one). Psychopath is widely used as an umbrella term for those with a considerable lack of empathy/no feeling towards others and lack of responsibility, or indeed any "strange" personality disorder, so try not to worry yourself too much with this. My sister was convinced at one point that I suffered from a form of either narcissism or schizoid personality disorder just from looking up the symptoms online (I'm pretty sure any doctor might've picked up on severe traits if I did have it!) which is why looking things up online isn't a good idea. But if you are genuinely worried, talk to your family about any potential history in psychosis (most disorders stem from a genetic history), and see if you can talk to a doctor before making any other steps.

Oh yeah, I know that I shouldn't diagnose her based on wikipedia pages, I'm obviously not a psychiatrist :tongue:

I just thought that giving it a name that sounded pretty close at least in my view would explain my worries. I'm not entirely sure I see the point in talking to a psychiatrist as they can't diagnose without seeing her and she sees nothing wrong with her behaviour so she'd never see a doctor anyway.

I have psychosis and depression so there is a family history of mental illness which I thought further put weight on the idea of there being something wrong with her too.

Reply 10

SopheElisa

2

Whilst I'm not a doctor/psychiatrist or any other qualified social-worker, I can't stress enough how self-diagnosing and looking up symptoms online is not effective in something that could potentially be as severe as this. I have however done a project concerning psychopaths and have spoken to various qualified people and extensively read up that these qualifying characteristics that are on the Wiki page MUST be assessed (in most cases extensively) before any definitive diagnosis is given, furthermore, Hare states in one of his books that we cannot trust ourselves to self-diagnose symptoms as we almost undoubtly will believe to some extent we/or the person we "diagnose" has some/most of these characteristics.

So please, OP, if you are concerned about a) the well-being of your sister, b) how to cope with her, do see a professional (maybe even a couple to get a valid judgment) before acting further! And good luck with the future :smile:

Reply 11

Esempy

Original post by Anonymous

I hadn't noticed, it was my girlfriend who first suggested something might be up with her and my parents just say she's "selfish" and leave it at that. You're right it might just be that she's a bad family member, I guess I just felt bad for my other sister. I just wanted advice on how to deal with someone like that whether it's psychopathy or simply being a bad sister I guess it doesn't really matter as she still acts the same way. :dontknow:

Oh yeah, I know that I shouldn't diagnose her based on wikipedia pages, I'm obviously not a psychiatrist :tongue:

I just thought that giving it a name that sounded pretty close at least in my view would explain my worries. I'm not entirely sure I see the point in talking to a psychiatrist as they can't diagnose without seeing her and she sees nothing wrong with her behaviour so she'd never see a doctor anyway.

I have psychosis and depression so there is a family history of mental illness which I thought further put weight on the idea of there being something wrong with her too.

Honestly, my dad sounds very the same. He hasn't had a job my entire life and is very happy living on benefits & using friendships to his advantage. I rarely see him to be honest.
There are a few ways you can deal with someone like that (I opted for the leaving him to it method in the case of my dad) but if I were you I'd sit and talk to your family (without her) and chat about options. If she's happy without you then if I were you I'd find a way to get on with it and be happy without her, but I'm quite cold and stoic when it comes to family haha! If you're more caring of a family then she obviously needs help changing her mindset & getting her life on track so you should chat to your family and see if you all want to persist in pushing her or getting more professional help etc

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 12

SopheElisa

2

Original post by Anonymous

Oh yeah, I know that I shouldn't diagnose her based on wikipedia pages, I'm obviously not a psychiatrist :tongue:

I just thought that giving it a name that sounded pretty close at least in my view would explain my worries. I'm not entirely sure I see the point in talking to a psychiatrist as they can't diagnose without seeing her and she sees nothing wrong with her behaviour so she'd never see a doctor anyway.

I have psychosis and depression so there is a family history of mental illness which I thought further put weight on the idea of there being something wrong with her too.

A psychiatrist (or a family one) can talk you through potentially dealing/coping with someone who does suffer from an ASPD by explaining and confirming/denying symptoms that you feel she has. :smile:

Most ASPD's actually have similar/the same symptoms to varying degrees, with psychopaths being literally, the most extreme noted in cases.

Edit: If there is a family history of illness this may (like I said, I'm not a professional, so please don't take my word as a fact/true statement) increase the possibility of something being wrong with her, but I stand by my idea that the best way through this is to talk to a specialist, and if at all possible, get her to agree to take some form of test (I know you noted she won't, but there may come a time/window of opportunity to persuade her!).

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 13

Michaelj

10

Lack of empathy could be:

Co-dependent (this sound similar to what u described)
Narcissist
Autism
Schizoid (some can interact well but they are usually I'm their own bubble)

Not every bad person is a psychopath. She could just be a selfish bitch. Not all psychopaths are "good at hiding it" either.

Reply 14

FubbyTucker

10

Original post by IlexBlue

She could just be a bitch.

I thought it, you said it!

Reply 15

bananaslug77

13

She just sounds like a spoiled little ****.

Reply 16

laeof

14

Original post by Anonymous

I know this sounds like an exaggeration but my girlfriend mentioned it to me and having looked at the requirements on wikipedia she matches enough easily to qualify imo (here).

The most noticeable trait is that she has absolutely no empathy and never had, she only cares about herself. Recently it was my other sister's big 21st birthday party and she didn't bother turning up because she couldn't be bothered. She dropped out of uni a couple of years back and now works random jobs occasionally when she needs money but otherwise doesn't bother with any responsibility or life time plan. She has many hundreds of friends and seems to get on with people well but only when she has a need for them, friendship isn't a two-way street with her, her friends are only there to satisfy her. It was the same when we were growing up, she'd do stuff with me but only if it benefited her. She would also blame me when she did something wrong and as far as I can tell not feel any guilt for it. She's always phoning up my mum and dad and asking for money.

All the symptoms seem to fit and I'm not really sure what I'm asking, I guess....does anyone else know someone like this? What is the best way of dealing with them? My other sister is currently really upset about the birthday party, she keeps asking me what did she do wrong to have been shunned like that, it really pains me to see her so upset.

I don't really know how I should deal with the sister I think is a psychopath, should I bother trying to talk to her when I know she only talks to me if she wants something? We lived 30mins away from each other for the past 4 years and I've seen her twice in that time - she just doesn't seem to give any **** about her family and it's upsetting. I've tried to keep in touch and she always has more important things to do than meet me (take drugs and lie on her sofa). Should I tell her how upset she made my other sister by not turning up at family events?

Anyone got any advice what I should do?

Could be a narcassist. Doesn't sound too much like a psychopath to me.

Read 'Almost a psychopath' - it goes through with individual types giving stories (of like BPD, Narcassist etc) so you can learn the differences, as well as stories of people that appear like psychopaths sometimes with their behaviour (autism, adhd) but are not. Also explains an 'almost psychopath' as well as a psychopath. It's very insighful :smile:

.

Reply 17

Scott.

2

Unless she has been convicted of a violent crime, then even a psychiatrist can't even label her with APD. Psychiatrists are the most pointless people around, they're easy to lie to, and they're boring as hell.

Sounds like you're bitter because she doesn't like you much :tongue:

Reply 18

fat_hobbit

2

Original post by Anonymous

I know this sounds like an exaggeration but my girlfriend mentioned it to me and having looked at the requirements on wikipedia she matches enough easily to qualify imo (here).

The most noticeable trait is that she has absolutely no empathy and never had, she only cares about herself. Recently it was my other sister's big 21st birthday party and she didn't bother turning up because she couldn't be bothered. She dropped out of uni a couple of years back and now works random jobs occasionally when she needs money but otherwise doesn't bother with any responsibility or life time plan. She has many hundreds of friends and seems to get on with people well but only when she has a need for them, friendship isn't a two-way street with her, her friends are only there to satisfy her. It was the same when we were growing up, she'd do stuff with me but only if it benefited her. She would also blame me when she did something wrong and as far as I can tell not feel any guilt for it. She's always phoning up my mum and dad and asking for money.

All the symptoms seem to fit and I'm not really sure what I'm asking, I guess....does anyone else know someone like this? What is the best way of dealing with them? My other sister is currently really upset about the birthday party, she keeps asking me what did she do wrong to have been shunned like that, it really pains me to see her so upset.

I don't really know how I should deal with the sister I think is a psychopath, should I bother trying to talk to her when I know she only talks to me if she wants something? We lived 30mins away from each other for the past 4 years and I've seen her twice in that time - she just doesn't seem to give any **** about her family and it's upsetting. I've tried to keep in touch and she always has more important things to do than meet me (take drugs and lie on her sofa). Should I tell her how upset she made my other sister by not turning up at family events?

Anyone got any advice what I should do?

She might be suffering from depression.