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The nice guy syndrome. Watch

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    (Original post by datpiff)
    This topic should be changed to 'nobody likes negative people' then. If the guy is nice (though jut thinks he's average and doesn't refer to himself as nice), just gets on with his life, is positive, a gent, career driven and doesn't give a **** what people think of him then that's obviously good. Most Young Women on the club scene don't know what they want tbh. All they know is that they want the male with the highest status and some candy.

    If a woman kept moaning about how many douchebags and *******s she's met, 'i've just got out of a relationship and i've been hurt blah blah....' then that would be a red flag for me, a sign to get outta there.


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    Whats the club scene got to do with my post? I take it the OP was refering to self proclaimed "nice guys" not geninuely nice, decent men.

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    (Original post by insignificant)
    I have just encountered this type of guy. I like nice guys, I really do, but this guy put me off because as soon as I said in some form that I liked something, he would tell me in some way that he felt the same, even though if previously he said he hadn't. He literally changed because of what I said, which freaked me out.

    Some examples: He told me he has a few beers occasionally, I told him I don't drink at all, couple of weeks later he said he doesn't drink either.

    I told him I don't drink energy drinks, he then states he's stopped drinking red bull.

    I told him I cook all my food and don't eat takeaways, he starts cooking food and tells me he stopped eating dominos.

    I liked the snow at first, he liked the snow. He text me a text saying look outside it's snowing! I text back saying, its March I'm getting fed up of it, he text back saying he doesnt like it either.

    You get my drift.
    So basically he's a wasteman.

    (Original post by chelseafan)
    You mean *ugly guy syndrome.
    Lack of confidence syndrome.
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    Swear this topic comes up quite often on TSR.

    JUST BE YOURSELF. Stop trying so hard to please girls. If they don't like you for you and your opinions, screw them cus you're obviously not compatible.
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    (Original post by gemmam)
    Yeah. He whined that "nice guys finish last", claimed the girl he last dated was a horrible person and only used him for sex and was treated badly by every girl he ever dated and girls never gave him the chance: "its a shame because i really want to make someone feel special and happy". Acted very clingy and wanted to take me to meet his mum for our second date. However the second date never happend because he suddenly went off me when he discovered Id only slept with one person at the time :rolleyes:. Months of drama was caused for me after as he allowed some chavette to get involved when there wasnt any need for it, long story. Looking back there was several obvious red flags but as Id been out of the dating game for a few years I didnt pick up on them. Avoid refering to yourself as a "nice guy" (as a rule of thumb if someone calls themselves something chances are theyre usually the opposite, eg. people who call themselves classy are usually quite chavvy, same rule applies to people who refer to themselves nice) and complaining about your exes, although you probably know about the last part.

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    100% agree with the bold part.
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    (Original post by domg1994)
    So, what if you're a nice guy, who is not afraid to make his intentions clear, is seen as attractive by other girls, and can hold a conversation?
    Then you're a winner. I'm exactly like this, and I don't struggle to attract the opposite sex either.

    Though if you're trying to succeed with a girl who has had 'bad guys' her entire life, you might struggle a bit. She could think. "Woah a nice guy.. hmm but is he really nice.. or is he just trying to get with the first girl that shows minute interest in him?"

    Or sometimes it goes even further than this - some girls have such a low level of esteem that they don't believe they deserve someone who won't misuse them or hurt them etc. tbh it depends on the girl, but I wouldn't stop being a great guy just because some people don't like it or rather, let's be honest - aren't used to meeting great men.
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    (Original post by gemmam)
    Whats the club scene got to do with my post? I take it the OP was refering to self proclaimed "nice guys" not geninuely nice, decent men.

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    This should be stated then. It would have avoided huge arguments and loads of pages of debating. Self-proclaiming yourself to be anything is risky - whether that be 'best guitarist', 'the most badass martial artist alive', 'the nicest girl you can meet', etc.


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    (Original post by Spontogical)
    Then you're a winner. I'm exactly like this, and I don't struggle to attract the opposite sex either.

    Though if you're trying to succeed with a girl who has had 'bad guys' her entire life, you might struggle a bit. She could think. "Woah a nice guy.. hmm but is he really nice.. or is he just trying to get with the first girl that shows minute interest in him?"

    Or sometimes it goes even further than this - some girls have such a low level of esteem that they don't believe they deserve someone who won't misuse them or hurt them etc. tbh it depends on the girl, but I wouldn't stop being a great guy just because some people don't like it or rather, let's be honest - aren't used to meeting great men.
    Thank you so much for this, I think you have just made my day. I always get called the perfect guy, and it's always the girl that pushes herself away from me, yet all this time I though it was me being a bad person. So thank you for opening my eyes. I'm definitely not going to change
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    Idk what this nice guys finish last BULLCRAPPERY is coz as far as I've EXISTED being a good person is HAWT.
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    (Original post by datpiff)
    That's bull****.

    What about guys who are genuinely like that?


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    Most "nice guys" are only masquerading as such as a ploy to gain sexual access.
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    It can sometimes be difficult to distinguish between a nice guy and a "nice guy".

    I had a "nice guy" friend who put me on a pedestal and was nice to me, agreed with everything I said, constantly told me how beautiful and wonderful I was and kept telling me I was the smartest and most independent woman he has ever met. When I simply told him that I wasn't interested, he showed his true colours by calling me a whore and unappreciative *****/was very abusive towards m for a very long time. He kept saying to me that I was missing out and no one could love me like he did blah blah and that he was the nicest guy I'll ever meet.

    The other nice guy I met is currently my boyfriend. We didn't agree on everything and we had and have a lot of thoughtful and interesting debates (unlike the other guy who pretended to agree with everything I said). He didn't put me on a pedestal above other women very explicitly, but he was very respectful and nice to me. We went out to a restaurant and I was freezing but he was fine (being used to the English weather more than me), so he gave me his coat and I said "this doesn't make it a date you know" and he didn't flip out like the "nice guy" would have (because his niceness was genuine rather than out of wanting to feel entitled). Obviously I found him much more attractive than the other guy because he was genuine.
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    Nice guys are the best, think about it, he'll probably buy a prius and look after your kids.
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    (Original post by Dark Horse)
    Most "nice guys" are only masquerading as such as a ploy to gain sexual access.
    Proof?

    Guys Putting across that argument usually only care about people other to themselves and a just as bad as the so called 'nice guys'. People who highlight only negative qualities are people who you shouldn't have in life btw. There are positive qualities to your 'nice guy'. There are positive qualities to '*******s' too.


    The term 'nice guy' is a misleading label anyway. Can't we call them something else if that's your term? The 'fakers?'


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    (Original post by Cringe)
    Nice guys are the best, think about it, he'll probably buy a prius and look after your kids.
    When I think of nice guy I think of Dexter if the serial killer side of him didn't exist.


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    (Original post by datpiff)
    Proof?

    Guys Putting across that argument usually only care about people other to themselves and a just as bad as the so called 'nice guys'. People who highlight only negative qualities are people who you shouldn't have in life btw. There are positive qualities to your 'nice guy'. There are positive qualities to '*******s' too.


    The term 'nice guy' is a misleading label anyway. Can't we call them something else if that's your term? The 'fakers?'
    [/URL][/SIZE]
    Not quite sure what you're talking about. But in regards to calling nice guys "fakers", then I'm pretty sure they're already seen as such. Many see them as manipulative and it's small wonder why women think so little of them.

    And there's also a difference, imo, between "nice guy" and "good guy".
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    (Original post by Dark Horse)
    Not quite sure what you're talking about. But in regards to calling nice guys "fakers", then I'm pretty sure they're already seen as such. Many see them as manipulative and it's small wonder why women think so little of them.

    And there's also a difference, imo, between "nice guy" and "good guy".
    Some women don't seem to know. Any guy who is being polite and a gentleman is seen as being a fake nice guy to some women. The ones who've been hurt and have low expectations of the men they seek.


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    • #3
    #3

    I am a girl and I absolutely HATE "nice guys".

    Just to clarify, I love guys who are genuinely nice people. In fact, I won't date anyone who is not a genuinely nice person. But there's a difference between that and "nice guys" as the term is used nowadays. One is an actual personality trait, the other is an act.

    "Nice guys" are always the ones who'll do the most for you first. The sort you've been dancing with at a nightclub for five minutes who've already told you how beautiful you are, offered to buy you ten drinks, ignored their friends to talk to you, and done everything short of hand you their wallet. So where's the catch in that?

    The problem is that they only want one thing. Anything less and they'll sulk and treat you like you're a horrible human being for not sleeping with them. For a "nice guy," there's no such thing as taking it slow. There's not much dating before the why-aren't-you-****ing-me ultimatum comes, and certainly no period of friendship during which you get to see if you actually like each other as people because that could lead to the dreaded "friendzone" (aka getting along perfectly well with each other and possibly even having a great friendship... but oh wait! They don't get to sleep with you.) Why on earth would they want to find out more about your personality when they only want sex?... Or maybe it's just that they don't want you to find out too much about theirs.

    At various points over the last few years I've had to block numbers, make up ridiculous excuses, be the first one of my friends to go home early on a night out, and jump through various hoops in order to deal with these losers. I once had a guy whom I was kind of interested in, but whom I said I didn't want to jump into something with as my previous boyfriend cheated on me, tell me that it was fine, he wouldn't cheat on me because "he didn't know any girls prettier than me." That sums up their attitude in a nutshell really. Women are like beautiful slot machines to them - slot machines whom you can pour as little as a few drinks and silly compliments into sometimes and get sex out of. And if that doesn't work, well, that's the stupid slot machine's fault - how dare it think for itself!

    Guys - if you want to avoid being "nice guys" and actually be the kind of guys girls want without being a complete ****, have a life of your own and be self-confident enough that you're cool just being friends with someone if need be and don't demand sex in return for your time and effort. Even if you just want to sleep with someone, be honest about it, rather than stringing her along and pretending you like her as a person and want to be her boyfriend, when in reality you just find her hot. And, girls, don't settle for these kinds of guys if you want a proper, healthy relationship - you deserve more than that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a girl and I absolutely HATE "nice guys".

    Just to clarify, I love guys who are genuinely nice people. In fact, I won't date anyone who is not a genuinely nice person. But there's a difference between that and "nice guys" as the term is used nowadays. One is an actual personality trait, the other is an act.

    "Nice guys" are always the ones who'll do the most for you first. The sort you've been dancing with at a nightclub for five minutes who've already told you how beautiful you are, offered to buy you ten drinks, ignored their friends to talk to you, and done everything short of hand you their wallet. So where's the catch in that?

    The problem is that they only want one thing. Anything less and they'll sulk and treat you like you're a horrible human being for not sleeping with them. For a "nice guy," there's no such thing as taking it slow. There's not much dating before the why-aren't-you-****ing-me ultimatum comes, and certainly no period of friendship during which you get to see if you actually like each other as people because that could lead to the dreaded "friendzone" (aka getting along perfectly well with each other and possibly even having a great friendship... but oh wait! They don't get to sleep with you.) Why on earth would they want to find out more about your personality when they only want sex?... Or maybe it's just that they don't want you to find out too much about theirs.

    At various points over the last few years I've had to block numbers, make up ridiculous excuses, be the first one of my friends to go home early on a night out, and jump through various hoops in order to deal with these losers. I once had a guy whom I was kind of interested in, but whom I said I didn't want to jump into something with as my previous boyfriend cheated on me, tell me that it was fine, he wouldn't cheat on me because "he didn't know any girls prettier than me." That sums up their attitude in a nutshell really. Women are like beautiful slot machines to them - slot machines whom you can pour as little as a few drinks and silly compliments into sometimes and get sex out of. And if that doesn't work, well, that's the stupid slot machine's fault - how dare it think for itself!

    Guys - if you want to avoid being "nice guys" and actually be the kind of guys girls want without being a complete ****, have a life of your own and be self-confident enough that you're cool just being friends with someone if need be and don't demand sex in return for your time and effort. Even if you just want to sleep with someone, be honest about it, rather than stringing her along and pretending you like her as a person and want to be her boyfriend, when in reality you just find her hot. And, girls, don't settle for these kinds of guys if you want a proper, healthy relationship - you deserve more than that.
    Yep. The guys who are all about the 'pick-up'. Being nice because that's what gets girls. Wolves in sheeps clothing. It does sound like you haven't moved on from the past though.


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    • #3
    #3

    Should probably add that I hate two-faced friends too (have had a lot of problems with people like that as I really dislike fakery) and that's what defines a "nice guy" - insincerity and not being honest about the fact all you want from a girl is to sleep with her.
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    (Original post by Ultimate1)
    Nice guys always end up last, especially with women.

    Women will only settle with the nice guy [Notice settle, not casual relationships] if the **** carousel has dried up and no other high status male even looks at her and she is way past her sexual prime. Then of course she will divorce him in a few years and take him for all he's worth.

    My first step advice to 'nice guys' is to stop treating women like princesses and inflating their egos.
    Standing ovation!

    :clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2:
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    (Original post by Arturo Bandini)
    There is no nice-guy syndrome. Just boring-guy syndrome. Or no-chemistry syndrome.
    I do believe 'boring guy syndrome' is often a result of not actually being boring at all, but instead a result of involuntarily changing one's personality to extremely introverted, socially-awkward and boring when around a particular girl.
 
 
 
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