why are some people in relationships unfaithful?

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I don't understand it on a personal level. I know that generally though, people who cheat want the security of being in a relationship, but they also want to be promiscuous.

alcohol.

Original post by SamEastie

alcohol.

That's not a valid excuse.

I've been completely wrecked and never lost control of how I feel or what I'm doing.

To answer your question OP; some people are just a**holes. There is no excuse ever, anyone that say's otherwise is trying to justify the unjustifiable.

Reply 23

Chillaxer

They are not in a relationship for love, they just don't want to be alone or the stigma of singledom, then when they see something they want physically they think 'i'll have that'.

Reply 24

SamEastie

Original post by A5ko

not saying I've done it, but it is a reason why people do cheat. not an excuse, just a reason.

Reply 25

username930845

There are lots of reasons why people cheat. There's the really blunt answer in that people just want something different, something new (just to try it). I think, when people are young, they want to have their cake and to eat it as someone already said. They want the security of a relationship, but also want to keep exploring sexually. People can be incredibly selfish when they want to be, not to mention cruel.

For example, if you get into a relationship when young, you may really like that person, but also be curious about what else is out there (the grass is always greener it seems). Do you want to stay with the first person you have had sex with, or do you want to have your fun when you're young? If you decide on the latter, you have to break off what was a solid relationship or cheat. Often, people don't know what to do in that situation. They think that cheating is somehow justifiable as an outlet for their problems, when really it is a reflection of them. Frankly, in that regard, people are selfish and lack respect.

Then you have the sort of infidelity that marriages go through. This is when one partner gets bored, feels unappreciated, wants to get revenge etc. over a long period of time. They may feel trapped by children, mortgages and so forth, but also emotionally/physically neglected. Any marriage counselling service will tell you that the cheating is merely symptomatic of a breakdown elsewhere, be it in communication or intimacy etc..

You can probably divide up cheating into two broad categories as to whether it is largely premeditated, or whether it happens on the spur of the moment. In the premeditated section, you have the person actively seeking out new sexual partners knwoing full well the consequences. In the spur of the moment category, you have drunkenness and impulse.

I actually feel that the two types reflect different problems. The first category stems from more holistic problems in the relationship where one party is unhappy (whether justifiably so or not) and decides to remedy that with cheating. They may be bored sexually, or regret their relationship but not have the courage to end it. This is usually in more long term relationships where there is far more at stake.

The second category reflects people being selfish/foolhardy/impulsive. This is where I have seen a lot of damage done to young relationships. The relationship in question may be fine, but the person in question feels that the risk is worth it. I feel that this is all down to maturity and age. Maybe also a lot of young people are in relationships simply to avoid social stigma and really were after sex the whole time. In that case, cheating is largely immaterial to them.

I am certainly not saying that cheating on impulse is justifiable or any less damaging. It is more that the relationship or the cheated upon party is not to blame ... the cheater is just weak.

I guess the final point is that cheating as a mating strategy is about game theory. It was summed up nicely earlier on, and all I would add is that cheaters feel that the reward is worth the risk.

Reply 26

staceykimb

Original post by themightysals

Thats a pretty broad statment, I know plenty of and am a person who generally doesnt like others on my phone, theres nothing wrong with that. just because your partner isnt letting you go on thier phone, the instant jump isnt and shouldnt be "oh they cheatin on meh" if thats what your mind goes to straight away then you obviously dont trust them anyway :L

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I did say this COULD be an early sign. It does happen. If they don't want you looking then they COULD be hiding something. I never said this applies to everyone. I'm just giving a small bit of advice...

Reply 27

Minion125

Original post by ScarlettFever

He's done this before and I found out. when i confronted him he denied it, until i gave him the proof and he said he was sorry and he'd do anything to make it up to me. at the time we weren't living together but i didnt do anything to give him motive to stray. is it true what they say, once a cheat always a cheat?

I think he was more sorry about being caught than anything else. He had an opportunity (when you confronted him) to be honest with you, if he didn't tell you then he was never going to tell you.

I'm not sure about once a cheat always a cheat, some people can probably change but if someone cheated on me I would have ended the relationship so there would be no way of me ever finding out if they could sort themselves out or not.

I personally think there is absolutely no reason for it, at all, ever. If you're unhappy you end it or you communicate and say what is on your mind.

Reply 28

C.M.182

To be honest, I've cheated and been cheated on. I've had 2 relationships and my first girlfriend cheated on me while she was out one night. Then in my second relationship I cheated on my now ex girlfriend 3 times. Even I cant answer why I did it though, I was drunk each time, but to some people that's not an excuse. I guess my reason is that I couldn't help myself when the situation of kissing someone hot in a club one night came around :s-smilie:

Reply 29

olop

They want to have their cake and eat it

Reply 30

ScarlettFever

either way im staying at a friends tonight. wine it is :smile:

Reply 31

reissekm

I think its just bizarre that you would cheat on someone you supposely love. I just don't get it.

If a girl cheated on me then thats it, no second chances.... Where has loyalty and honesty gone nowerdays in relationships.

I would never cheat on a girl, why cheat on the woman you love? :confused:

I remember my mum & dad saying that they would disown me if I cheated on a girl but personally I just couldn't do it to a girl. I know relationships go through tough times and arguments happen but when the going gets tough the tough get going.

To cheat on your bf/gf is just the cowards way out :unimpressed:

and I wish there was a law enforced where just if you murder someone your sent to prison if you cheat on your partner you not allowed to be a relationship again. A bit extreme I know and a slight exaggeration but this is just how i feel about it!

Reply 32

Flibble22

I don't understand it myself either, but the primary reasons seem to be these:

1) Curiousity
2) Drunkenness
3) Not really loving their partner
4) Subconscious factors such as commitment phobia and such

Reply 33

theguv92

Cowardice and dishonesty. In my opinion, when you commit to a relationship, you obviously commit to one person. You don't have to marry them, you don't have to stay with them, but for the duration you have to make do with just one person.

If its not enough, dump them. If you don't love them, don't commit to a relationship. But don't commit to a relationship and cheat. Its cowardly to do this, and I have no respect for anyone who does.

Reply 34

maibrit

You can judge all you like and say "there's no reason" over and over but you don't understand until you've been in that situation.
I'm not saying there are excuses, I'm just saying there are reasons.

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Reply 35

Eponym

Original post by maibrit

This makes no sense to me. Tried hard to understand what you're trying to say, but wouldn't any obvious or underlining 'reason' given still be an excuse? "You don't pay attention to me, so I cheated". That seems to be a reason but to the parties involved it probably won't justify the act of cheating, especially when most people don't understand how they end up doing it. I mean 'reason' is used to justify an action right? So if there is no justification it's an excuse.

Reply 36

maibrit

Original post by Eponym

No, it doesn't justify a thing. But when you've been called a bunch of **** and treated badly by the person who's supposed to love you you kind of get to the point where you can't see past yourself or your hurt, so that becomes what you act on and you end up being selfish. For me it was a case of seeking comfort in someone who was willing to comfort me. That doesn't change that what I did is ultimately wrong and I should have ballsed up and dumped the guy, and I did feel like **** after and still do three years on. All I'm saying is there are reasons.

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Reply 37

Willbean

Original post by maibrit

That's a poor excuse, don't sugar coat your actions. You were insulted and crawled into someone's bed for a cheeky shag.

Your a cheat, deal with it. Should of done the adult thing and dumped the piece of **** in the first place, but you decided to think with your legs open.

There are plenty of ways to seek 'comfort', but you chose to shag someone?

Reply 38

maibrit

Original post by Willbean

Did I not just say there aren't excuses, there are reasons?
Excuse and reason are not synonymous, learn.
I'm not sugarcoating, I'm telling you a personal experience as I experienced it. I wasn't just insulted, I was psychologically beaten down on a regular basis by a guy who said he loved me.
There's no need to insult me and saying I think with my legs open as if I'm some prostitute, that's just downright bloody rude.