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why are some people in relationships unfaithful? Watch

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    (Original post by Pride)
    Ahh blimey, sorry to hear that. And thanks for coming back to update us all.

    Out of interest, it's been 2 months, have you been seeing someone else since?
    No, im happy being single at the moment. I like that im doing my own thing. Its partly because im getting used to being my own person again instead of being one half of a couple and having to consider him all the time.
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    As you grow older, you come to the realisation that cheating in relationships isn't massively uncommon. The average age of my friendship group is about 35, and they're predominantly male. Two of them are married - both regularly cheat on their wives with the friends/colleagues etc, but equally would do anything for their wives. I'm not exactly justifying it, but emotional connections and sexual desire can be two very different things; sometimes it just becomes a lifestyle choice. The people I know that cheat are not inherently bad people - they just equally enjoy hitting on someone in a pub and the thrill of bringing her home as much as they love coming home to their partners to watch TV with a glass of wine together. Also, most people on TSR don't know what it's like to be married and kids and a mortgage - it's not like teenage relationships, it's serious stuff.

    Some people are in abusive relationships and need an emotional connection with someone else to help them to muster up the strength to leave a violent partner (unsurprisingly, generally they don't take it well) - sometimes this connection becomes romantic.

    Sometimes people find the love of their life really early on, and have only experienced things with one person, and thus may feel a little entrapped. Either someone flirts with them, say, at work, and the fantasy of being with someone else/being wooed by someone else/going on a date with someone else is sometimes acted upon, or the other person in the relationship has experienced a lot more, and you feel like you haven't has those life experiences (thus seeking to have them given the opportunity)

    Not all cheaters set out to hurt their partners - sometimes the issues are more heavily embedded - not everyone can communicate their partners (as evidence from various threads on TSR), and for some it can be a form of release or revenge (rather than arguing), and then the cheater lets the issue go.

    I don't think it's right, not at all, (I've been cheated on before, and it is heartbreaking) but my message is, who are we to judge someone else's relationship? People will do what they want with their lives in accordance with their own moral standards, and that doesn't make them a -insert profanity here -




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    (Original post by ScarlettFever)
    No, im happy being single at the moment. I like that im doing my own thing. Its partly because im getting used to being my own person again instead of being one half of a couple and having to consider him all the time.

    Has he even tried to make contact with you since? I women like to go shopping, but it had been two months, I think at that point even I would be wondering where you are, hungry waiting for dinner to be made!
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    The Human mind and body are to blame.
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    Some people are emotionally abused and feel the need to get control of their lives, some do this by rebeling and seeing someone else. They are too scared to say the truth because their partner blackmails/threatens them.
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    People cheat when there not whole heartedly into the relationship if your happy in a relationship you don't even look at anybody else let alone want to cheat.
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    (Original post by Pride)
    Ahh blimey, sorry to hear that. And thanks for coming back to update us all.

    Out of interest, it's been 2 months, have you been seeing someone else since?
    No, im happy being single at the moment. I like that im doing my own thing. Its partly because im getting used to being my own person again instead of being one half of a couple and having to consider him all the time.
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    (Original post by Willbean)
    That's a poor excuse, don't sugar coat your actions. You were insulted and crawled into someone's bed for a cheeky shag.

    Your a cheat, deal with it. Should of done the adult thing and dumped the piece of **** in the first place, but you decided to think with your legs open.

    There are plenty of ways to seek 'comfort', but you chose to shag someone?
    I'm sorry, have you ever been in an abusive relationship? If you are being physically or mentally abused already, how do you think they'll handle being dumped. Some people find comfort in someone else, and sometimes this turns romantic, and they can then help you end it so you don't have to face it alone.


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    (Original post by Scott.)
    Has he even tried to make contact with you since? I women like to go shopping, but it had been two months, I think at that point even I would be wondering where you are, hungry waiting for dinner to be made!
    I have no idea if he's attempted to. I changed my number, deactivated facebook and blocked him on msn.

    I didn't want his apologies and I certainly dont want to fall for them. I wont run back to him if I cant hear his excuses.
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    (Original post by Anna.Karenina)
    As you grow older, you come to the realisation that cheating in relationships isn't massively uncommon. The average age of my friendship group is about 35, and they're predominantly male. Two of them are married - both regularly cheat on their wives with the friends/colleagues etc, but equally would do anything for their wives. I'm not exactly justifying it, but emotional connections and sexual desire can be two very different things; sometimes it just becomes a lifestyle choice. The people I know that cheat are not inherently bad people - they just equally enjoy hitting on someone in a pub and the thrill of bringing her home as much as they love coming home to their partners to watch TV with a glass of wine together. Also, most people on TSR don't know what it's like to be married with kids and mortgage - it's not like teenage relationships, it's serious stuff.

    Some people are in abusive relationships and need an emotional connection with someone else to help them to muster up the strength to leave a violent partner (unsurprisingly, generally they don't take it well) - sometimes this connection becomes romantic.

    Sometimes people find the love of their life really early on, and have only experienced things with one person, and thus may feel a little entrapped. Either someone flirts with them, say, at work, and the fantasy of being with someone else/being wooed by someone else/going on a date with someone else is sometimes acted upon, or the other person in the relationship has experienced a lot more, and you feel like you haven't has those life experiences (thus seeking to have them given the opportunity)

    Not all cheaters set out to hurt their partners - sometimes the issues are more heavily embedded - not everyone can communicate their partners (as evidence from various threads on TSR), and for some it can be a form of release or revenge (rather than arguing), and then the cheater lets the issue go.

    I don't think it's right, not at all, (I've been cheated on before, and it is heartbreaking) but my message is, who are we to judge someone else's relationship? People will do what they want with their lives in accordance with their own moral standards, and that doesn't make them a -insert profanity here -




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    No idea.
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    (Original post by Anna.Karenina)
    As you grow older, you come to the realisation that cheating in relationships isn't massively uncommon. The average age of my friendship group is about 35, and they're predominantly male. Two of them are married - both regularly cheat on their wives with the friends/colleagues etc, but equally would do anything for their wives. I'm not exactly justifying it, but emotional connections and sexual desire can be two very different things; sometimes it just becomes a lifestyle choice. The people I know that cheat are not inherently bad people - they just equally enjoy hitting on someone in a pub and the thrill of bringing her home as much as they love coming home to their partners to watch TV with a glass of wine together.

    Some people are in abusive relationships and need an emotional connection with someone else to help them to muster up the strength to leave a violent partner (unsurprisingly, generally they don't take it well) - sometimes this connection becomes romantic.

    Sometimes people find the love of their life really early on, and have only experienced things with one person, and thus may feel a little entrapped. Either someone flirts with them, say, at work, and the fantasy of being with someone else/being wooed by someone else/going on a date with someone else is sometimes acted upon, or the other person in the relationship has experienced a lot more, and you feel like you haven't has those life experiences (thus seeking to have them given the opportunity)

    Not all cheaters set out to hurt their partners - sometimes the issues are more heavily embedded - not everyone can communicate their partners (as evidence from various threads on TSR), and for some it can be a form of release or revenge (rather than arguing), and then the cheater lets the issue go.

    I don't think it's right, not at all, (I've been cheated on before, and it is heartbreaking) but my message is, who are we to judge someone else's relationship? People will do what they want with their lives in accordance with their own moral standards, and that doesn't make them a -insert profanity here -

    There's a lot to this.

    I know people who are happy in most aspects of their marriage, but some part of it is very lacking. It may be absent sex life, it may be that the other person treats the badly emotionally; but they have an otherwise stable family (children, home etc), They may not want to lose all that (and that's more or less everything) but need to feel wanted/loved/companionship again.

    Don't judge a so-called cheater until you've walked a mile in their shoes.
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    (Original post by Anna.Karenina)
    As you grow older, you come to the realisation that cheating in relationships isn't massively uncommon. The average age of my friendship group is about 35, and they're predominantly male. Two of them are married - both regularly cheat on their wives with the friends/colleagues etc, but equally would do anything for their wives. I'm not exactly justifying it, but emotional connections and sexual desire can be two very different things; sometimes it just becomes a lifestyle choice. The people I know that cheat are not inherently bad people - they just equally enjoy hitting on someone in a pub and the thrill of bringing her home as much as they love coming home to their partners to watch TV with a glass of wine together. Also, most people on TSR don't know what it's like to be married and kids and a mortgage - it's not like teenage relationships, it's serious stuff.

    Some people are in abusive relationships and need an emotional connection with someone else to help them to muster up the strength to leave a violent partner (unsurprisingly, generally they don't take it well) - sometimes this connection becomes romantic.

    Sometimes people find the love of their life really early on, and have only experienced things with one person, and thus may feel a little entrapped. Either someone flirts with them, say, at work, and the fantasy of being with someone else/being wooed by someone else/going on a date with someone else is sometimes acted upon, or the other person in the relationship has experienced a lot more, and you feel like you haven't has those life experiences (thus seeking to have them given the opportunity)

    Not all cheaters set out to hurt their partners - sometimes the issues are more heavily embedded - not everyone can communicate their partners (as evidence from various threads on TSR), and for some it can be a form of release or revenge (rather than arguing), and then the cheater lets the issue go.

    I don't think it's right, not at all, (I've been cheated on before, and it is heartbreaking) but my message is, who are we to judge someone else's relationship? People will do what they want with their lives in accordance with their own moral standards, and that doesn't make them a -insert profanity here -




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    You see, I think it does make them bad people. :sigh:

    Or at least that's the case at the time when they cheat. I believe that people can't be defined as though who they are is fixed. I think our attributes change all the time, fluctuating between two extremes. So perhaps you wouldn't consider your friends to be bad people. But that might be because you've 'got to know' them. You've been with them when they make good decisions, when they treat the people around them with respect, etc. Why do we always want to be defined by our best moments, the times when we do make good decisions, the times when we do a good deed, or care about other people? Are we like that most of the time? Would your friends, most of the time, not cheat - so therefore they are good people? How do you measure not being a bad person?

    'Who are we to judge someone else's relationship?' Well the question asks why some people are unfaithful, and all I've done is answer that question. It's because of a lack of respect. It's because of weakness - people aren't able to prioritise loyalty over their desire to test the water elsewhere. Thanks to my morals, I know what is right, and I know what is wrong. If I did what your 30-something year old friends did, and cheated on my partner, I wouldn't expect people to think, 'but I'm not a bad person, I'm good really.'

    My actions would say otherwise. Rather, sometimes I'm a good person, sometimes I'm not.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really don't understand why people cheat and stay with the partner they're cheating on - and that's speaking as someone who's been having an affair with someone in a relationship for a year and a half. :/

    If you cheat, you can't love, respect, or truly care for the partner you're cheating on - and if it's a long-term affair, the person you're cheating with is obviously giving you something you need and want that your partner can't give you. So what's the point in staying with that partner, other than them being a safety blanket?

    So yeah, even as someone involved in an affair (though I'd never cheat on anyone myself), I don't get it. I don't see why you wouldn't just end it with the person who's obviously not enough for you.
    These double standards...

    I don't even... :facepalm2:
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    Basically if you are in love with someone you have no eyes for anyone else. It is an overpowering emotion. Even if it's unrequited as many unhappy people will confirm.

    Lots of people though, are in relationships, marry even, when they're not in love.
    Either they can't have the person they are in love with and settle for something less or they snatch at someone just for the security or because they feel they should be in a relationship.

    It's the dishonesty that causes the problems. Often they will say they love the other person because it's expected but know in their hearts that they don't at all. When they do fall in love later they can't help themselves. Their partner who wrongly believed they were loved feel betrayed of course. They were being betrayed a long time before by someone who pretended emotions they didn't feel.

    It's rare that people are honest enough to tell a prospective partner or someone they intend to marry that they are not actually in love with them. Maybe they should. At least the relationship would start out on a firmer footing.

    It's also a question of morality. If you know you can't ever feel a deep attachment to someone you shouldn't continue the relationship if a deep attachment is what the other person wants.

    Of course you also get unscrupulous people who manipulate another's emotions quite openly to get what they want whether it be sex or marriage. As a rule I think, yes, once a cheat always a cheat. If you manage to get someone like this away from their partner it just means there's now vacancy. They'll be on the look out for a new person soon.
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    (Original post by pickup)
    Basically if you are in love with someone you have no eyes for anyone else. It is an overpowering emotion. Even if it's unrequited as many unhappy people will confirm.

    Lots of people though, are in relationships, marry even, when they're not in love.
    Either they can't have the person they are in love with and settle for something less or they snatch at someone just for the security or because they feel they should be in a relationship.

    It's the dishonesty that causes the problems. Often they will say they love the other person because it's expected but know in their hearts that they don't at all. When they do fall in love later they can't help themselves. Their partner who wrongly believed they were loved feel betrayed of course. They were being betrayed a long time before by someone who pretended emotions they didn't feel.

    It's rare that people are honest enough to tell a prospective partner or someone they intend to marry that they are not actually in love with them. Maybe they should. At least the relationship would start out on a firmer footing.

    It's also a question of morality. If you know you can't ever feel a deep attachment to someone you shouldn't continue the relationship if a deep attachment is what the other person wants.

    Of course you also get unscrupulous people who manipulate another's emotions quite openly to get what they want whether it be sex or marriage. As a rule I think, yes, once a cheat always a cheat. If you manage to get someone like this away from their partner it just means there's now vacancy. They'll be on the look out for a new person soon.
    That is the problem. That is the problem. You need two people equally in love with each other. Getting sex is simple, I have been with a lot of people in friends with benefits and one night stand arrangements. But, to have someone to be in love with you at the same time you're in love with them and then keep that? It is very difficult. I vastly prefer the bachelor's lifestyle of just having a lot of casual relationships, but, life happens. I am human after all and recently i fell in love with a girl i am seeing; and despite the fact i am usually so cold i could not help it at all. I really would prefer to not be in love.

    I have no doubt that she is not as in love as i am, but i accept that i do not want to lose her either so i just keep seeing her for sex and love even though my instinct tells me that she is not in love with me. In my view, the love is not worth it, because the pain of losing someone is way worse than the emotional high you get from those amazing moments together. And the problem is, those moments you tend to remember for the rest of your life regardless of how badly things may turn out.

    The terrible thing I have found with love and relationships is that you have to trust the partner to be in love with you also. Otherwise, it is a lie (people can and do pretend to love), and it tends to be a disaster waiting to happen. Because, if they fall in love with someone else (or they go with someone else with a ons or a fling) then it really usually means that your relationship is finito.

    The problem is that we are human, can't beat ourselves up about it, it is just something we are blessed and cursed with. Pain and ecstasy are really weirdly linked.
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    ****, this thread is depressing.
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    (Original post by Mr_Vain)
    ****, this thread is depressing.
    Get off it then.
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    (Original post by ScarlettFever)
    Get off it then.
    Umm, ok? Not sure if you're being pointlessly rude but oh well. #internetproblems.
    Out of sight, out of mind.
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    (Original post by Mr_Vain)
    Umm, ok? Not sure if you're being pointlessly rude but oh well. #internetproblems.
    Out of sight, out of mind.
    I wouldnt say pointlessly rude.

    Its just my response to what you wrote on my thread.

    I found your post very unhelpfull so I decided to give you a little advice to help you on your way.

    Have a nice day!
 
 
 
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