Should I tell her?

Ok so last Friday I went on a date with a lovely girl who I met online, we got on well and there was good chemistry. We agreed at the end of the date to see each other again, have been messaging since etc. Sounds silly but I do really like this girl.

She has admitted though that she hasn't worked me out yet and I know that I'm not like most guys in terms of my view on life, attitude and personality. I'm a cancer survivor and thus far have avoided telling her and think that I have perhaps come off like I'm hiding something. There are gaps in what she knows about me that I imagine are making her wonder if there's more to me than meets the eye. It is a very long story, that has changed my perspective on life and it was very very close as to whether I'd pull through.

Health wise, I'm now in a very good place; if I wasn't, I wouldn't get involved with other people. The question is should I tell her yet? On the one hand I think it'll make her realise that I am who I say I am and that I'm genuine. But on the other don't want to scare her off.

tldr To tell a girl I've been texting a few weeks and have met once that I am a cancer survivor?

Reply 1

TheGalwayGirl

Tell her. If she really likes you then you've got nothing to worry about, if she leaves you then she probably wouldn't have been right for you (though its only only natural to be a little taken aback)

Reply 2

lilmissA

Well I think you should tell her but you don't have to tell her straight away, let her get to know you first as you her, and then depend on ho your conversation go with her one of these days you can et her know .... Trust me mate if after you have opened up to her and she doesn't stick around then she wasn't worth it however if she stays then thats beautiful :smile:

... best of luck and congrats on beating cancer :smile:

Reply 3

b-bot 92

I think telling her straight away i.e. second date is going to be a bit daunting no matter how much she likes you. I'd suggest spending more time getting to know each other but if the topic comes up then the time is right to tell her. If she asked you outright then obviously don't lie either but you don't want to scare her off either.

Reply 4

lightburns

I think you should leave that part out for now. it might be a bit daunting and oh what so early on. I also suspect that it's a topic that bothers you greatly (due to it having been a trying time, as an understatement), and you may have slight paranoia over it. Honestly, it's unlikely that she's wondering if there's something going on behind it or whatever. If she really did wonder, it could be any number of things, and she'd ask. Then I'd recommend being honest, but otherwise, the heavy stuff should be kept later, unless it's something that's vital to impart.

Reply 5

Riemann Solver

Thanks for the replies. I just have a feeling that she thinks I'm not being straight with her; there are definite gaps in what I've told her, not least an unexplained gap year.

Reply 6

Spongebob'sPants

I wouldn't tell her on the 2nd date to be honest.

First of all, it will scare her.

But way more importantly, you don't know her that well yet. Get to know her first. Get to know if she's the type of person u really want to be with, and the type of person you actually want to disclose such personal information to.

Take it a bit slow.

Reply 7

claudiaizzy

I'd hold off for a little while, because from my perspective, a guy doing that would seem like he was angling for sympathy. I'm sure you're not, but that's how it might come across if you announce it out of the blue. Wait till the time is right, you know each other a little better. But assure yourself you WILL tell her, and don't worry too much. Like lightburns said, there's a good chance it's a natural response to feel paranoid about it. But it'll be okay! :smile:

Reply 8

Riemann Solver

The really big problem is that she wants to add me on Facebook but my facebook is plastered in stuff about it such as comments from friends, links to my fundraising pages and loads of other stuff! I'm not gonna delete this stuff but me not being willing to add her is making her suspicious!

Reply 9

b-bot 92

Sounds like a good way for her to find out without you having to make any big announcement or explanation. Then if she's ok with it she'll talk to you about it