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Shall I become more like the girl my ex left me for? Watch

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    This sounds silly i know i shouldnt care and should just move on because he is a cheating scumbag but I cant stop wondering why he cheated and why he left me ffor this woman.

    He went up north to uni and then out of the blue dumped me and told me he never loved me that I was nothing to him and that he had met the girl of his dreams that I was nothing in comparison to her.

    Physically wise shes the polar opposite to me shes quite short, quite rounded she has her head near enough shaved, whereas im quite tall a bit too skinny and hvae long hair. He told me if i ever cut my hair he'd dump me as he doesnt like girls with short hair then left me for one!

    He also told me he only liked girls who were going somewhere witht their lives im at uni studying a law degree whereas shes 22 left school at 15 when she got pregnant and has worked in a pub since then (thats how they met)

    He told me she was more succesfull thaan me and a better person becauase she had a baby young that she brought up herself (however the baby doesnt live with her its with her mum and apparantly he calls my ex daddy although they have only been together 4 weeks) he told me she has her own house which i dont (which is council flat that she doesnt have to pay for)

    I tried todo everything for this man I dont want to sound like some arragont pre madonna saying im so amazing im this and shes not but shes the opposite of what he told me he wanted me to be. It may be that she has a lovely personality but I cant see how a woman who a) has a child to look after yet has time to go out constantly and snort coke and b) who purposefully sleeps with another girls boyfriend behind her back fully well knowing I love him could be a nice person.

    Yet I love him and keep compaing myself to her why?
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    I know it's very easy to write and much harder to do but you really need to get over this guy. He's clearly not good for you. Look at it, he's going out with an uneducated slob who can't even use a condom properly. You've got a good law degree going, you've got a good figure and I'm going to presume you know what contraception is given that you've not mentioned you're pregnant! Seriously, you deserve much better than him and you are much better than the girl he's with now. Accept that you're fab, spend some you time with your friends and hobbies and enjoy being free of your waste of space ex.
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    You can't always help who you fall in love with, unfortunately you fell in love with a moron who likes school drop-out skanks. Seriously, get a grip, you're studying for a law degree - look back at half of what you've written and see how ridiculous it all sounds. What advice would you give a friend in that situation, I doubt you'd be telling her to 'compare' herself to this other woman.
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    You're better than her, just wait and you'll find someone that actually deserves you, not like the waste of space that dumped you!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He also told me he only liked girls who were going somewhere witht their lives im at uni studying a law degree whereas shes 22 left school at 15 when she got pregnant and has worked in a pub since then (thats how they met)

    He told me she was more succesfull thaan me and a better person becauase she had a baby young that she brought up herself
    No offense, but you don't really sound like much of a law student, with that quality of writing/reasoning.

    And why would you even care to listen to him when he thinks a benefits scrounging teen mum is more "successful" than a law student? :rolleyes:
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    I might be slightly biased because I have a child, but that is really no reason for you to look down your nose at someone. Having a child is hard work and not a lot of people really realise how hard until they are in that situation - being a single parent is even harder. Not a lot of people given younger mums credit, because they're all branded with the same brush.

    She might only work in a pub, but she is working to keep a roof over her childs head. You have no idea what her future ambitions are/whether she has any. Don't assume she wants to work there forever.

    You also seem to assume a lot about this girl - the child 'apparently' doesn't live with her, she 'apparently' snorts coke etc. Being a law student you should know not to make such assumptions. My son technically lives with my parents, but so do I. I also get the chance to go out most weekends, because my son visits his other gran - I am there for him leaving, I always have my phone on me in case I need to get to him/get home for him, I am always there when he is home etc. Just because someone goes out it does not mean they are dumping their child. My son sees his other family, and I have a day/night to do as I wish, whether it be sit in or go out - I chose to see my friends. That does not make someone an awful parent - again, get some evidence before making/implying such assumptions.

    And lastly, the whole looks thing. Did you really have to point out that she was 'rounded'? That doesn't make one iota of difference, and just makes you appear quite shallow and vain.

    You gave the thread the title "Shall I become more like the girl my ex left me for?". In most cases someone would be singing their praises and wondering what they themselves had lacked compared to this girl. You are sitting there essentially saying you are better than her, she is nothing, you've no idea why someone would leave you for her etc. You seem to have a high sense of self-worth and importance and disregard anyone who does not have the same looks as you or the same education level.

    If I seen someone do that to people, I wouldn't want to be with them either.

    And for the record, I have also been cheated on. I also wanted to be the girl they left me for at first. Did I bring those girls down however? No. I sat and tried to make myself be them because I thought they were better than me, not the other way about.

    I'm also not a benefit scrounging ****. I'm a fourth year law student, almost graduated, and a part time civil servant - before anyone starts.
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    This guy clearly only has relationships out of convienence. He seems to say anything for an easy life. Better off without him tbh.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This sounds silly i know i shouldnt care and should just move on because he is a cheating scumbag but I cant stop wondering why he cheated and why he left me ffor this woman.
    Because he's a cheater, and couldn't appreciate what was right there in front of him.

    He went up north to uni and then out of the blue dumped me and told me he never loved me that I was nothing to him and that he had met the girl of his dreams that I was nothing in comparison to her.
    This is disgusting. Fair enough if he wanted to end things, but to say that is wrong.

    Physically wise shes the polar opposite to me shes quite short, quite rounded she has her head near enough shaved, whereas im quite tall a bit too skinny and hvae long hair. He told me if i ever cut my hair he'd dump me as he doesnt like girls with short hair then left me for one!

    He also told me he only liked girls who were going somewhere witht their lives im at uni studying a law degree whereas shes 22 left school at 15 when she got pregnant and has worked in a pub since then (thats how they met)

    He told me she was more succesfull thaan me and a better person becauase she had a baby young that she brought up herself (however the baby doesnt live with her its with her mum and apparantly he calls my ex daddy although they have only been together 4 weeks) he told me she has her own house which i dont (which is council flat that she doesnt have to pay for)
    Clearly he didn't know what he wanted, or just wanted to tell you what would make you happy (or keep you quiet) at the time. Don't spend time thinking about what this girl is, or what she has, because you won't get anywhere doing that. You should never change for anyone; you're not going to get him back, and you need to find someone who loves you because of who YOU are.

    I tried todo everything for this man I dont want to sound like some arragont pre madonna saying im so amazing im this and shes not but shes the opposite of what he told me he wanted me to be. It may be that she has a lovely personality but I cant see how a woman who a) has a child to look after yet has time to go out constantly and snort coke and b) who purposefully sleeps with another girls boyfriend behind her back fully well knowing I love him could be a nice person.

    Yet I love him and keep compaing myself to her why?
    You don't sound like a prima donna; you've suffered a break up and you're hurting. But there's no point in turning all of the hurt towards the girl, because it's not her fault. He could have always said no.

    Get out there, spend time with your friends, forget him because he's not worth it. At all.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yet I love him and keep compaing myself to her why?
    Damaged self esteem and have to try and make yourself feel better by belittling other people.

    When people go to university they often do split up with their girlfriend/boyfriend. They meet a lot of new people, they usually start to grow up and change and they may want different things in life. Clearly your ex is still very immature as he feels the need to belittle your past relationship and he's attracted to someone who has more confidence. The young mother has survived being a single parent - and that's harder than you can imagine now - has got a job and a flat she may be paying for from the job. She's trying to make something of her life against hard odds and deserves some respect for that, not criticism for a childish mistake.

    Be grateful that this immature young man has moved on and do the same. You're studying for a degree, focus on achieving that. Be proud of yourself for what you have achieved but develop the maturity to recognise the good in other people. Recognise that your ex may have found it difficult to cope with someone more successful than him but that you will meet other people who are more mature.
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    (Original post by suedonim)
    Damaged self esteem and have to try and make yourself feel better by belittling other people.

    When people go to university they often do split up with their girlfriend/boyfriend. They meet a lot of new people, they usually start to grow up and change and they may want different things in life. Clearly your ex is still very immature as he feels the need to belittle your past relationship and he's attracted to someone who has more confidence. The young mother has survived being a single parent - and that's harder than you can imagine now - has got a job and a flat she may be paying for from the job. She's trying to make something of her life against hard odds and deserves some respect for that, not criticism for a childish mistake.

    Be grateful that this immature young man has moved on and do the same. You're studying for a degree, focus on achieving that. Be proud of yourself for what you have achieved but develop the maturity to recognise the good in other people. Recognise that your ex may have found it difficult to cope with someone more successful than him but that you will meet other people who are more mature.
    I dont think sleeping with my boyfriend for 3 months behnd my back was just a childish mistake. I have no issues that she has a baby at all my mum had me young my best friends a teenage mum its nothing to do with that at all
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    Your ex wasn't worth the time it took you to write that post. Move on, you can do so much better
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I dont think sleeping with my boyfriend for 3 months behnd my back was just a childish mistake. I have no issues that she has a baby at all my mum had me young my best friends a teenage mum its nothing to do with that at all
    And how do you know she knew about you? Immature young men don't normally talk about their girlfriend when chatting up other women. She may not know about you now, if she does I hope she also has the sense to drop him and move on.
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    (Original post by suedonim)
    And how do you know she knew about you? Immature young men don't normally talk about their girlfriend when chatting up other women. She may not know about you now, if she does I hope she also has the sense to drop him and move on.
    Because she has emailed me telling me she knew that shes better than me and she messaged me telling me how long it had been going on
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This sounds silly i know i shouldnt care and should just move on because he is a cheating scumbag but I cant stop wondering why he cheated and why he left me ffor this woman.

    He went up north to uni and then out of the blue dumped me and told me he never loved me that I was nothing to him and that he had met the girl of his dreams that I was nothing in comparison to her.

    Physically wise shes the polar opposite to me shes quite short, quite rounded she has her head near enough shaved, whereas im quite tall a bit too skinny and hvae long hair. He told me if i ever cut my hair he'd dump me as he doesnt like girls with short hair then left me for one!

    He also told me he only liked girls who were going somewhere witht their lives im at uni studying a law degree whereas shes 22 left school at 15 when she got pregnant and has worked in a pub since then (thats how they met)

    He told me she was more succesfull thaan me and a better person becauase she had a baby young that she brought up herself (however the baby doesnt live with her its with her mum and apparantly he calls my ex daddy although they have only been together 4 weeks) he told me she has her own house which i dont (which is council flat that she doesnt have to pay for)

    I tried todo everything for this man I dont want to sound like some arragont pre madonna saying im so amazing im this and shes not but shes the opposite of what he told me he wanted me to be. It may be that she has a lovely personality but I cant see how a woman who a) has a child to look after yet has time to go out constantly and snort coke and b) who purposefully sleeps with another girls boyfriend behind her back fully well knowing I love him could be a nice person.

    Yet I love him and keep compaing myself to her why?
    We've all done it before. Me and my ex broke up and he met someone else who he then became crazy about. I never saw a picture of her and have no idea what she looks like now. But I keep seeing pretty girls on the street who look nothing like me and think - does she look like this? is she thin? is she fat? is she blonde? is she a brunette? what degree does she do? is she nicer than me? I don't think I ever want to see her cos even if she looked like susan boyle, I'd still have found a way to be jealous of her. She ended up cheating on him and he took her back :rolleyes: Anyway ....

    I know how you feel, OP. But he's still in the lust phase. 4 weeks and he thinks the sun shines out of her **** After a while the lust will fade and he'll come back down to earth. You have a lot going for you. You are doing a law degree for God's sake! You are smart and probably beautiful as you are so keep focused on that and don't ever forget it! He'll come running back, they always do. The grass is always greener on the other side
 
 
 
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