Join TSR now for chat about life, relationships, fashion and more…Sign up now

Is it weird to be fine with being lonely? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm not alone, I'm just lonely.

    I can be in a room full of people, including friends and I'm still lonely. Words come out of my mouth but I'm not engaged in conversations, and I don't want to be. I count the MINUTES to leave college, even though I'm not bullied or anything.

    I love being at home, and not talking to people that I know. But I also have a job, and I like talking to the people there. The thing is, I'll never open up to people, even if they're really close friends. I've always kept myself to myself.

    In terms of relationships, I've recently had the possibility of two relationships with people who I like. However, I have found reasons to 'not go there' with both of the potential guys. I ruin things, I can't trust anybody and I treat friendships like a test. If I find any evidence of falseness, I'll quickly disregard the people from my life.


    The thing is, I'm not antisocial. I know a lot of people at college and at work, I get on with everyone. But it only ends at face value, after that, no one gets to close.

    Maybe I want to try and change this, but how?
    • #2
    #2

    To tell you the truth, I'm not sure why I'm writing this seeing as I can't tell you definitively that it is not 'weird' to feel this way. All I can say is, I felt that way for a lot of my life too. Especially when it comes to relationships; I spend most of my time wanting to be in a relationship (I don't know if that's the same as you), and then when it becomes real and someone says they like me, I get scared and find reasons not to get into it. I still do, I don't know why, but I'm willing to guess that it's because I'm so ****ing scared of getting hurt. Loads of people feel that way too though, hey, it's the basis of most US rom-coms

    Concerning friendships, I felt like that sometimes in sixth-form, but since I went to uni a few months ago I've found loads of people who I actually want to stay up until ridiculous hours talking to. One of my housemates treats his friendships like a test too (he admits this), and to be honest it just means he ends up not making as many friends and meeting as many awesome people: people that he'd probably love if he could learn to overlook their flaws. We all have faults and we all tell lies, part of being in a real friendship is learning to embrace the other person for everything they are.

    Like I said, I can't promise you it's normal, but I'm willing to bet a lot of people feel the way you described too.

    You talk a lot about wanting to be home and alone, but do you actually [I]like[I] being alone?

    Humans are sociable creatures and although it's nice to have some 'me' time every now and then, if you want that all the time, perhaps it's just that you're not enjoying your current company enough? Maybe you just need a change of scene and to meet some new people. Have you considered taking up a sport or hobby or something? Doing some activity you enjoy might help you meet people who share your interests and be less lonely and more happy with company.
    p.s. sorry this is so fricking long and I hope it helped in some way.
    • #2
    #2

    To tell you the truth, I'm not sure why I'm writing this seeing as I can't tell you definitively that it is not 'weird' to feel this way. All I can say is, I felt that way for a lot of my life too. Especially when it comes to relationships; I spend most of my time wanting to be in a relationship (I don't know if that's the same as you), and then when it becomes real and someone says they like me, I get scared and find reasons not to get into it. I still do, I don't know why, but I'm willing to guess that it's because I'm so ****ing scared of getting hurt. Loads of people feel that way too though, hey, it's the basis of most US rom-coms

    Concerning friendships, I felt like that sometimes in sixth-form, but since I went to uni a few months ago I've found loads of people who I actually want to stay up until ridiculous hours talking to. One of my housemates treats his friendships like a test too (he admits this), and to be honest it just means he ends up not making as many friends and meeting as many awesome people: people that he'd probably love if he could learn to overlook their flaws. We all have faults and we all tell lies, part of being in a real friendship is learning to embrace the other person for everything they are.

    Like I said, I can't promise you it's normal, but I'm willing to bet a lot of people feel the way you described too.

    You talk a lot about wanting to be home and alone, but do you actually [I]like[I] being alone?

    Humans are sociable creatures and although it's nice to have some 'me' time every now and then, if you want that all the time, perhaps it's just that you're not enjoying your current company enough? Maybe you just need a change of scene and to meet some new people. Have you considered taking up a sport or hobby or something? Doing some activity you enjoy might help you meet people who share your interests and be less lonely and more happy with company.
    p.s. sorry this is so fricking long and I hope it helped in some way.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Well, it depends on what you want. Do you really want lots of friends or do you feel that you are missing out on something?

    Maybe, you need to talk to more people and be friendly and you will enjoy the experience.

    I have gone in the opposite direction since school.

    I used to be friendly. Now, I actively avoid talking to people and I don't trust people. I have one friend at Uni and she gets on my nerves at times.


    My only real friends are those that I made at school and my brother.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not alone, I'm just lonely.

    I can be in a room full of people, including friends and I'm still lonely. Words come out of my mouth but I'm not engaged in conversations, and I don't want to be. I count the MINUTES to leave college, even though I'm not bullied or anything.

    I love being at home, and not talking to people that I know. But I also have a job, and I like talking to the people there. The thing is, I'll never open up to people, even if they're really close friends. I've always kept myself to myself.

    In terms of relationships, I've recently had the possibility of two relationships with people who I like. However, I have found reasons to 'not go there' with both of the potential guys. I ruin things, I can't trust anybody and I treat friendships like a test. If I find any evidence of falseness, I'll quickly disregard the people from my life.


    The thing is, I'm not antisocial. I know a lot of people at college and at work, I get on with everyone. But it only ends at face value, after that, no one gets to close.

    Maybe I want to try and change this, but how?
    When I was young I used to want to be around people all the time. I hated being alone too much and then as a got older I started shutting myself away from people and then when I took a gap year I found myself on my own. I found it was often easier to be alone than to be on the outside all the time. I tried so hard to be part of a group but sometimes the effort just reinforces the fact that I'm on the outside.

    Now I'm at uni, I tried so hard to make friends in my first year and I made some close friends but not many and then accepted that I didn't mind being on my own. I didn't resent my own company and often I was more comfortable on my own than with people who I just had nothing in common with. I felt safer and less exposed on my own.

    Sometimes when I talk to people I feel like I'm on autopilot, I don't feel like I'm actually physically present. I say all the right things and do all the right things but I'm not physically in the moment and then look back and think, did I really do all that.

    I have just accepted things and not tried so hard to fight it and appreciate what I have now instead of resenting not being like everyone else. While many people I know look forward to getting drunk in the weekend, I look forward to a quiet trip to the cinema with my best friend, a nice meal and catching up on some TV. I enjoy that and most of all I am comfortable doing that
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    If you were completely okay with it I don't think you would describe yourself as being lonely because you wouldn't think you are. Sounds like you need a touch more confidence to start making good relationships with people, best of luck
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    You sound like an introvert. It's perfectly reasonable to prefer your own company, just don't let it limit yourself.
    Offline

    2
    You mean you're alone, not lonely. The whole definition of loneliness revolves around you wanting company.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 23, 2013
Poll
Which web browser do you use?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.