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I hit her but I didn't mean to Watch

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    It sounds as if you're going through a very hard time and you need help and support from those around you-being berated and wound up and mocked, isn't support!
    I've been in physically abusive relationships more than once, and emotionally abusive ones too. From my experience, I believe emotional abuse is more damaging, and the damage manifests itself for longer. I do not condone what she did at all-she wasn't behaving in a way that's normal for a relationship, and she was deliberately trying to hurt you-very wrong.
    I don't know what YOU said to her, so from what you've said can only assume you DIDN'T say anything deliberately hurtful.
    I don't think you are a dangerous man that hits women. I think this is a one-off. I am not sure whether you should try to repair this relationship though. It could be the turning point for things to get much worse. She knows how to provoke you to hit her now. She could use this against you. You know you've hit HER once,it could happen again.You're both in the wrong-there will be much resentment and it may be best that you try to move on from her.
    I don't like typing that given that you've told us you're not in a great spot in life-going through a break-up at the same time wouldn't be easy-BUT it may save much heartache in the long-run.
    Good luck .
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    (Original post by redferry)
    It is much more satisfying effective and appropriate to work things through verbally than to turn to violence, to think otherwise is naive.

    As someone who was bullied from the ages 3 through to 18 both physically and mentally and has been an a mentally abusive relationship previously for 18 months, in my experience violence just makes things 1000 times worse.
    But the point is that he didn't abuse her, she abused him. He reacted physically to her physical and verbal abuse. He even says in his original post that usually he would just ignore it or just cuss her out, so he blatantly doesn't typically have problems with anger, but she obviously pushed it far too far. Not everybody reacts the same to the same cues, and I think it would be reasonable to have expected the reaction he did give her.
    Now, to expect everyone to just be happy, get along and to "be in touch with their feminine side"... that is naivety at its finest. Males were built to hunt and kill remember, and if you push it as far as she did, you are making assumptions about the level of self-deprecation they can take and taking a serious risk.
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    This isn't domestic abuse, this was standing up to a bully. I think OP is in the right.
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    She's allowed to push and shove him around and emotionally abuse him but when he retaliates he's the bad guy, sexist crap if she can hit him he can hit her back.

    find someone else OP, if i was a ***** enough to cross those lines i'd fully expect a smack in the face.

    Im not condoning violence in any way and i dont think it solves anything but i'd have done the same.
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    (Original post by amineamine2)
    By saying that you can't see the relevance of the person not being able to defend herself. That suggets you also believe hitting someone less able to do so, such as a child, is no more serious than an adult. It's called deductive reasoning.
    I believe you are deducing an incorrect conclusion. Nonetheless, I believe this discussion is detrimental to the dialogue OP is trying to have so I will be stopping right here.
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    (Original post by CJKay)
    That wasn't just verbal - it was mental as well as emotional abuse which can be as, if not more, potent and damaging than physical assault. She didn't shout, "omg you're so annoying!". She shoved him, interrupted his work, then told him, solely out of spite, that it was his behaviour that caused the death of his father.

    So, I would put forward that his reaction was actually much less proportionate than would have been expected. Two basic punches lasts at most a week, but something like that can leave scars for the rest of your remaining life on Earth. Like someone else said above: "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will leave psychological scars that will haunt forever".
    (Original post by CJKay)
    But the point is that he didn't abuse her, she abused him. He reacted physically to her physical and verbal abuse. He even says in his original post that usually he would just ignore it or just cuss her out, so he blatantly doesn't typically have problems with anger, but she obviously pushed it far too far. Not everybody reacts the same to the same cues, and I think it would be reasonable to have expected the reaction he did give her.
    Now, to expect everyone to just be happy, get along and to "be in touch with their feminine side"... that is naivety at its finest. Males were built to hunt and kill remember, and if you push it as far as she did, you are making assumptions about the level of self-deprecation they can take and taking a serious risk.
    (Original post by madders94)
    This isn't domestic abuse, this was standing up to a bully. I think OP is in the right.
    These, especially the last one.

    I think any sane person will snap if provoked like that. The OP, from his post has said that he ignored her; so that's a signal that he has been very patient with that woman; she took advantages of this and started to abuse him; that's why she could just say things like that because he wouldn't react.
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    (Original post by sabian92)
    ***** had it coming. What an awful thing to say - the whole "don't hit women" crap is wrong, it's sexist to exclude them. If a guy said that you'd paste him one so don't feel like "omg she's a woman i hit her" because she deserved it.
    It's not sexist. It's wrong to hit anyone - male or female. It's never the solution and he shouldn't have done it. That said, most people on this thread (including me) can sympathise. But that doesn't make it right.
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    (Original post by Care-Free)
    She's allowed to push and shove him around and emotionally abuse him but when he retaliates he's the bad guy, sexist crap if she can hit him he can hit her back.

    find someone else OP, if i was a ***** enough to cross those lines i'd fully expect a smack in the face.

    Im not condoning violence in any way and i dont think it solves anything but i'd have done the same.
    This. I'm very sure that that woman will leave out the part where she said those horrible things about his father, shoving his head etc, and jump directly to the "he punched me"-part to make her looked like the "innocent victim".
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    (Original post by HenryD)
    I don't blame you, she had it coming. It's funny to think how different the reaction would be on here if your genders were reversed, very hypocritical.
    ouch! no you cant involve sexism in this he punched her! just as much as she was wrong a man is physically stronger than a women. two blows from her might be half the strength of his one punch. Not that i'm condoning violence from either sexes here, it would be wrong if she hit him too but I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt as much so it seems worse when a guy does it to a girl just because its such a damn weak thing to do but I understand he was annoyed.
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    (Original post by Rascacielos)
    It's not sexist. It's wrong to hit anyone - male or female. It's never the solution and he shouldn't have done it. That said, most people on this thread (including me) can sympathise. But that doesn't make it right.
    It is sexist if you say "it's okay to hit men but not women because they're women", which is what I meant.

    No, I agree, it isn't okay but grief can do odd things to people and those who wouldn't normally do that sort of thing do it without meaning to.

    She's still a ***** though.
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    (Original post by ANARCHY__)
    I believe you are deducing an incorrect conclusion. Nonetheless, I believe this discussion is detrimental to the dialogue OP is trying to have so I will be stopping right here.
    Well you're not doing a particularly good job in showing my fallacy. Just saying "I'm wrong" isn't a very strong argument.
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    (Original post by amineamine2)
    Well you're not doing a particularly good job in showing my fallacy. Just saying "I'm wrong" isn't a very strong argument.
    If you would like to continue over PM, I would be happy to. I kept my point short for brevity's sake to not intrude so much.
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    (Original post by concubine)
    People are obviously 'negging' you because of your stupid ideas regarding what makes someone a 'man', not because they're pro-violence.
    If my so called ideas about punching a woman four times (like the person I quoted suggested OP should do) making you less of a man are stupid, then I wonder what your intelligent ideas of being a man are? Sounds to me like you're pathetically justifying your own actions. Aw, did I hit a nerve or something?
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    (Original post by ANARCHY__)
    If you would like to continue over PM, I would be happy to. I kept my point short for brevity's sake to not intrude so much.
    Well I'll say the same then; If you'd like to respond then feel free to PM.
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    (Original post by kitty101)
    ouch! no you cant involve sexism in this he punched her! just as much as she was wrong a man is physically stronger than a women. two blows from her might be half the strength of his one punch. Not that i'm condoning violence from either sexes here, it would be wrong if she hit him too but I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt as much so it seems worse when a guy does it to a girl just because its such a damn weak thing to do but I understand he was annoyed.
    You have no idea how big either of them are, what martial art training they may have or any physical disabilities. It's just as bad for a girl to hit a guy, relative strength is irrelevant. Hardly weak, anyone who uses something like that in an argument deserves to be hit, I'm sure his punches didn't hurt as much as her comments.
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    I hate to say it but she is way in the wrong here It seems to me like the relationship is over and to be fair your better off without her really if she had done that to me I would have got her out of my house (because I can't bring myself to hit a woman no matter how pissed I am although I've never had someone have a dig at me about a lost loved one.) and then let her know in no uncertain terms that it's over and to never contact me again.

    Your better off without her this is abuse against you I'm not surprised you snapped although I don't condone violence against women lots of people would react the same way
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    UPDATE:

    Yeah, she got in contact with me this morning and told me she wanted to split. She's also said that she's coming with a friend to collect her things, and nearly everyone she knows thinks I'm some kind of abusive piece of crap. I'm at a loss here.
    thank you all for the responses. I know what I did was disgusting.
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    (Original post by Need help atm)
    I really need help.
    My girlfriend and I have been together for three years ad are both second year uni students at the same uni. Lately, we've been arguing quite a lot over nearly everything. but when we're both feeling up to it, the relationship can be great.
    Earlier on today, she was in a bad mood for some reason, and started *****ing me out when I was in the middle of studying for second year uni exams. I normally either cuss her out too or ignore her, but today just wasn't really my day and I was too stressed to bother replying. She came into our room (we both share a house) and started to push me about a bit, shoving my hand so that the page I was writing on was ruined. Then, knowing that my dad's recently passed away, she told me that he died because he couldn't stand the thought of living with me as a son.
    I lost it. I shoved her into a wall and punched her twice. I regretted it as soon as it happened, and started apologising, but she started crying and stormed off. This all happened earlier today and she still hasn't come back.

    I know our relationship sounds awful, but our fights don't occur much, and when we're good, we can really be in love.
    i know I love her, but I still feel hurt over what she's said; she definitely took It too far, but I wish there was a way to rewind everything. I'm panicking over what she just might be doing now, and I just want to apologise but she's not answering my calls or anything.
    please. I need some advice on what to do now.
    I think you should break up. Your relationship sounds like poison and those relationships I never good. I was in one once for a year longer than I should have been, it slowly went downhill. We stayed together because we did love each other but it got out of hand. You should end it and end it soon.
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    (Original post by Need help atm)
    UPDATE:

    Yeah, she got in contact with me this morning and told me she wanted to split. She's also said that she's coming with a friend to collect her things, and nearly everyone she knows thinks I'm some kind of abusive piece of crap. I'm at a loss here.
    thank you all for the responses. I know what I did was disgusting.
    " nearly everyone she knows thinks I'm some kind of abusive piece of crap" well that's to be expected. She obviously would try to make it seem like she did no wrong. Don't feel to bad OP. It was wrong of you to hit her, but it was equally wrong of her to push/shove and emotionally abuse you. From the looks of things just be glad you can start afresh.
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    (Original post by Need help atm)
    UPDATE:

    Yeah, she got in contact with me this morning and told me she wanted to split. She's also said that she's coming with a friend to collect her things, and nearly everyone she knows thinks I'm some kind of abusive piece of crap. I'm at a loss here.
    thank you all for the responses. I know what I did was disgusting.
    you will find someone better. she doesn't sound very charming. remember, what she said was disgusting too.
    pardon my lack of capitals.
 
 
 
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