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    (Original post by redferry)
    I agree that he needs help with anger issues, physically assaulting someone weaker than you is not a proportionate reaction to verbal abuse.
    Why is everything you say so weak? He did the right thing. I don't see why people are so namby pamby in this country, as though physical violence were the worst thing imaginable? If someone has the cheek to insult a recently deceased family member like they should expect to have their lights punched out in return.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Not really - as I said, my friend beats people withing an inch of their life, but only if they physically assault him. It is still an anger management problem, he has put 5 people in hospital with serious injuries. Whereas I have a friend on my postgrad now who is a huge guy and people start on him all the time, however he is usually able to verbally get out of the situation and if he isn't he maybe throws a couple of punches or restrains them.


    Man you've got some crazy friends. In this context, I can see why your stance is the way it is . If a friend or random person said that about a parent, I wouldn't think twice about giving them a hard slap (girl) or punch (guy). I couldnt imagine hitting my girlfriend, but then again I couldnt imagine her saying something as abhorrent.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Oh god.
    Not the 'Males were built to do blah blah blah' line of argument.
    It's a bunch of crap. People have self control and to suggest otherwise is an insult to the entire male gender. I think you will find a large proportion of males have enough self control not to punch their gf full on in the face twice when they verbally abuse them.
    Males were also built to spread their seed as much as possible, and to commit infanticide. So is revealing too much flesh or leaving a new partner alone with your child just pushing a man too far? Or is it still wrong if they rape you or kill your child?

    You can't cherrypick which chracteristics tou blame on evolution based on those which are most palatable to society. You can pick which you wish to display however - it is called choice and self control.
    Did you seriously just tell me sexism was bad but men naturally want to cause infanticide..?
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    (Original post by kka25)
    Whatever the person's gender is, doesn't give them the right to be emotionally abusive.

    Owh, please; don't say the things that you've never experienced... seriously...



    I'm sorry, this is sexist and somewhat ignorant.

    How do you (equally) quantify the damages that both parties are inflicting to each other? How could you say what she did doesn't warrant what he did? Who are you to determine that?

    You're judging based on something that you can "physically see" which is the hitting part, but you've not looked at the emotional abuse that you cannot physically see or have never experienced.



    So... it's ok then for a female to be abusive and the men have to stay quiet?

    If a woman slaps you, what would you do? What if she continues hitting and verbally abuse you? Some women are much stronger than you are, so if I were you, I'd stop with this prince charming mentality.

    If a woman were to slap me - even repeatedly, I'd use proportional force - that would range from slapping her own hands away to hold both of her hands. Of course, other variables come to play such as if she were larger and even stronger than me. But on the whole, it's not a prince charming approach - it's about proportionality and how men cannot just disproportionally use their physical strength over woman.

    If you were to advocate such acts of the OP, things would spiral out of control. Are you seriously telling me that the force the OP used was reasonable and proportional to his girl's conduct? As I said, the OP isn't a kid - he isn't unstable. Ergo, I cannot see how he is experiencing great emotional torment. He should have had more self-control.

    Also, I suppose you believe separating sport by gender is sexist too, right?
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    (Original post by Blutooth)
    Why is everything you say so weak? He did the right thing. I don't see why people are so namby pamby in this country, as though physical violence were the worst thing imaginable? If someone has the cheek to insult a recently deceased family member like they should expect to have their lights punched out in return.
    I couldn't hit my boyfriend no matter what harmful things he said to me. You have to look at it in the context of the relationship.
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    (Original post by Blutooth)
    Man you've got some crazy friends. In this context, I can see why your stance is the way it is . If a friend or random person said that about a parent, I wouldn't think twice about giving them a hard slap (girl) or punch (guy). I couldnt imagine hitting my girlfriend, but then again I couldnt imagine her saying something as abhorrent.
    Yeah he is off his bloody rocker when he is drunk. It's not nice to see, esp from someone so lovely generally. The other guy who suffered with anger management I was able to help through it and get him to counselling and now he doesn't have any problems He was just going through a really tough time.

    Friend no, random person maybe. Person I was in a relationship with never.
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    She doesn't respect you at all
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    (Original post by CJKay)
    Did you seriously just tell me sexism was bad but men naturally want to cause infanticide..?
    You were the one that brought up men 'naturally wanting to cause things' not me. I just projected that into the entirety of the background to human evolutionary behavior.

    In an evolutionary context, which is what you brought up, yes men have evolved to commit infanticide. Read up on human evolution mate.

    Taking issue with that (fact by the way, infanticide by males is common in virtually all primates and human ancestors, even early humans) just proves how much your argument stinks. You can't just cherrypick evolutionary context to suit your argument.
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    (Original post by TheReckless)
    OP, this relationships sounds toxic. It honestly doesn't seem like love to me. It seems like a bitter relationship, where you're both fooling yourselves thinking that all couples fight and verbally abuse each other like this.
    In terms of what you can do now; nothing. you've tried calling her and (I assume) texting and looking for her to no avail. What you need to do now is wait it out. Wait a little while and she should appear, hopefully to apologise for her horrendous behaviour. Similarly, when that happens, you should apologise too.
    Then it's up to you both if you're willing to keep up with this "relationship" or go your seperate ways.
    So... this.
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    Both of you crossed the line to be honest. She should never have said those awful things, and you should never have hit her (not because she was a girl, even if genders were reversed I would say you were both in the wrong).
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    After all that has happened it is probably for the best you both split up
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    I'm a girl and i do think what you did was awful, i mean resulting to violence is never the right way to deal with a situation in a relationship. However, she did cross the line and no i'm not saying she deserved it but i do think she knew exactly what she was doing and is probably acting like shes the victim. This does not sound like a healthy relationship and i think its best you end it.
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    I don't like violence but she massively provoked you.
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    (Original post by HumanSupremacist)
    If a woman were to slap me - even repeatedly, I'd use proportional force - that would range from slapping her own hands away to hold both of her hands. Of course, other variables come to play such as if she were larger and even stronger than me. But on the whole, it's not a prince charming approach - it's about proportionality and how men cannot just disproportionally use their physical strength over woman.
    How convenient of you to leave the verbal abuse part.

    If you were to advocate such acts of the OP, things would spiral out of control. Are you seriously telling me that the force the OP used was reasonable and proportional to his girl's conduct? As I said, the OP isn't a kid - he isn't unstable. Ergo, I cannot see how he is experiencing great emotional torment. He should have had more self-control.
    How would you know?
    Being shoved, screamed, mocked and insulted, even after being patient and ignoring those abuses isn't emotional torment!?

    Also, I suppose you believe separating sport by gender is sexist too, right?
    Owh, God. This 60's mentality of yours is really chapping my ass.
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    (Original post by kka25)
    How convenient of you to leave the verbal abuse part.



    How would you know?
    Being shoved, screamed, mocked and insulted, even after being patient and ignoring those abuses isn't emotional torment!?



    Owh, God. This 60's mentality of yours is really chapping my ass.
    You seriously expect a male to treat a female and a male the same if they are emotionally abusing him - i.e. say, instead of the victim in the OP being a female, she were a male. You would expect both to be treated the same in terms of the force used?

    In this case, the OP has clearly used disproportional force. If the victim were a guy, one would have expected such punches then. However - no! We get the OP punching his partner (a female). You think this is reasonable, regardless of the emotional abuse?
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    (Original post by redferry)
    You were the one that brought up men 'naturally wanting to cause things' not me. I just projected that into the entirety of the background to human evolutionary behavior.

    In an evolutionary context, which is what you brought up, yes men have evolved to commit infanticide. Read up on human evolution mate.

    Taking issue with that (fact by the way, infanticide by males is common in virtually all primates and human ancestors, even early humans) just proves how much your argument stinks. You can't just cherrypick evolutionary context to suit your argument.
    I said men naturally were built to hunt, which is fairly well known[0], and that considering how far over the line she stepped, it was likely OP was going to resort to physical aggression.
    This is because testosterone helps build muscle[1], and muscle obviously helps with physically demanding tasks.
    Males are also more likely to retaliate with physical aggression[2].
    While you claim that men are more likely (despite it only being "slightly" more likely), you fail to mention that women are "significantly" more likely to cause neonaticide[3] and so I would argue that your "point" holds no water whatsoever, and is not even remotely relevant to the debate to begin with (I still have not found any evolutionary and not cultural evidence for men "wanting" to commit infanticide. In fact, the only evolutionary evidence I found is on women. Talk about cherrypicking!).

    It's people like you that are the reason male domestic violence shelters are failing so damned hard.
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    (Original post by HumanSupremacist)
    You seriously expect a male to treat a female and a male the same if they are emotionally abusing him - i.e. say, instead of the victim in the OP being a female, she were a male. You would expect both to be treated the same in terms of the force used?

    In this case, the OP has clearly used disproportional force. If the victim were a guy, one would have expected such punches then. However - no! We get the OP punching his partner (a female). You think this is reasonable, regardless of the emotional abuse?
    I don't expect what you're expecting. Expect whatever it is you want.

    Being shoved, screamed, mocked and insulted, even after you stayed quiet and calmed; what do we called that? Owh, yes, being bullied, as well as being tormented.
    What to do when being bullied and tormented when you're a grown person? Cry to mommy? No, the OP was basically telling that woman to stop the abuse and defending himself; even if he restrained her, she would probably keep the abuse further and further since she would realized by now that the OP isn't the kind of person that will retaliate. By the fact that she insulted the OP's dead father shows that she doesn't really care about his feelings and the damages that might occur to his emotional/mental health. If you want to argue who needs to grow up here, it should be that woman.

    You justify that the OP is a man and he should do what men should; how about that woman? Is that what a woman should do to another man/person? Shoving, screaming , mocking and insulting another person, and not expecting a retaliation? This is why I called your argument bias and sexist.

    And you're still surprised why a lot of the posters here are supporting the OP...
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    (Original post by kka25)
    I don't expect what you're expecting. Expect whatever it is you want.

    Being shoved, screamed, mocked and insulted, even after you stayed quiet and calmed; what do we called that? Owh, yes, being bullied, as well as being tormented.
    What to do when being bullied and tormented when you're a grown person? Cry to mommy? No, the OP was basically telling that woman to stop the abuse and defending himself; even if he restrained her, she would probably keep the abuse further and further since she would realized by now that the OP isn't the kind of person that will retaliate. By the fact that she insulted the OP's dead father shows that she doesn't really care about his feelings and the damages that might occur to his emotional/mental health. If you want to argue who needs to grow up here, it should be that woman.

    You justify that the OP is a man and he should do what men should; how about that woman? Is that what a woman should do to another man/person? Shoving, screaming , mocking and insulting another person, and not expecting a retaliation? This is why I called your argument bias and sexist.

    And you're still surprised why a lot of the posters here are supporting the OP...
    This could go on...

    Look, answer me this: Do you or do you not think that the force the OP used was disproportionate?


    Me? It was disproportionate. What would I have done in the situation? At the mildest, slapped her hands away, shouted at her angrily about insulting my dead father and make it clear through gestures and raised vocal volume that I cannot tolerate such behaviour. At its worst, I would have done the aforementioned and/or stunned her with a slap (that's at its worst - and last resort).
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    (Original post by HumanSupremacist)
    This could go on...

    Look, answer me this: Do you or do you not think that the force the OP used was disproportionate?


    Me? It was disproportionate. What would I have done in the situation? At the mildest, slapped her hands away, shouted at her angrily about insulting my dead father and make it clear through gestures and raised vocal volume that I cannot tolerate such behaviour. At its worst, I would have done the aforementioned and/or stunned her with a slap (that's at its worst - and last resort).
    Well, now you're contradicting yourself; basically this would be the same as physical abuse.

    In my eyes, emotional (silent) abuse is worst than physical abuse, and this is what that woman was doing. Owh, wait, she did a twofer; she was also physically abusing the OP by shoving him. So what she did was worst than what he did. That's my stand on the OP's post, and that was quite clear a long time ago.
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    That's enough
 
 
 
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