Hi! I could really do with some advice.
There is this girl at University who I really like and have liked all year.
I have lots in common with her and really enjoy the time we spend together.
She made it clear to me early in the year that she is not ready for a relationship with anyone at this moment in time.
Prior to University she had a relationship which didn’t end too well and she still mentions this lad sometimes so I don’t know if she is fully over him. She says that she struggles to trust people and is also a virgin, like myself, and says she wants to wait until she is with the right person before she loses her virginity.
However, I have her round to my flat quite often and we have a great time together, talking, watching films and listening to music. There have been times though when we have ended up kissing in bed together, hugging and touching each other. The other day we did sexual things to each other and she took her bra off. We were very close and she said things like, ‘I’ve never been touched like this before,’ ‘I am so relaxed’ and ‘this is the happiest I have been in ages.’ When we get really close like this, I think she really likes me.
But I’m not sure how she feels.
I really like her and care about her a great deal. I think about her all the time and miss her when I’m not with her. I just love being with her and having a chat. She’s great company.
But I struggle to trust her as I see she gets texts off lots of other guys and gets a lot of male attraction. She has recently been to a football match with this other lad and been drinking with him. Also, often when she goes out drinking she will end up kissing any random guy and although she won’t do anything more with them, I don’t like it and it makes me jealous and I question whether I can trust her.
Is she leading me on? Using me for company and for a ‘bit of fun’? Does she like me?
I have never connected with a girl like I have with her, we have so much in common and seem to share many similar values and beliefs, and want the same things.
But I don’t want to get hurt.
Do I continue to spend time with her and wait until she is ready for a relationship? Or do I stop spending time with her and prevent getting hurt?
My head is telling me one thing, my heart another.
Please can you help?
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- Thread Starter
- 22-03-2013 22:24
- 23-03-2013 08:46
First of all, any time you get into a relationship you run the risk of getting hurt. That is the gamble you take, so make sure whoever you get with is worth the chance of being hurt for.
Now, sounds like you're having 7 shades of ****e knocked out of you by the love bug. That's okay, it happens, but if you want it to go anywhere you have to make your feelings known.
The jealousy is another issue, you'll have to get over that as a person as it'll eat away at every good memory you'll have with anyone important.
Back to topic. It might just be the case that this girl is just having harmless fun. Kissing a few randomers isn't necessarily a reflection on her loyalty when in a relationship. If she's opened up to you in those circumstances, you're definitely doing something right, so the next time that sort of situation occurs, why don't you have a talk with her about your feelings afterwards. Tell her everything, but leave out the jealousy part for obvious reasons.
There's really not much anyone else can do until you find out her stance, but by the sounds of it you're already her boyfriend for all intents bar the title. And the sexytimes.
You could start off by asking her if she really meant all of those things that she said in the heat of the moment. Remind her that you can be trusted (I assume you can) and so on. Best of luck.
- 23-03-2013 09:31
The best way to find out how she feels would be to ask her. I personally can't understand why she would let you do sexual stuff to her if she didnt like you, she obviously has some feelings for you especially if she wants to save herself for someone special. However the jealousy issue... what is a relationship without trust? Even if you do love eachother or whatever a relationship cannot work without trust. Hope this has helped somewhat
- 23-03-2013 09:52
She does not think of herself as being in a relationship with you, so there is nothing disloyal about snogging other men. You really do need to let her know how you feel and what you would like to happen. If she feels ready for a relationship, fine; if not, then you need to move on. In some ways she is getting the benefits of a relationship from you without making any kind of commitment, and that is not fair on you.