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in love with someone who is in a relationship Watch

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    I have a problem, I'm in love with someone who is in a relationship, they're not engaged but they live together so it's serious, she even moved from her home town across the country to live with him.

    We are friends, but hes never shown any sign that he is attracted to me. We go to the same graduate school and we live in the same neighborhood so it's impossible not to see him. It really hurts when I see him together with his girlfriend, sometimes I cry knowing that he won't be with me. In their facebook pictures they are having a lot of fun and look really happy and I don't think that they are going to break up, I think they might get married.

    Also she is really naturally pretty and cute and she has a good personality too, and me, I'm just average or maybe even slightly below at best, and that's on my good days where I try really hard to make an effort at my hairstyle, makeup, and clothes that I wear. On an attractiveness scale, the girl he is dating now is like a 8, but I'm like a 4-5 when I'm at my best, why would he ever want to be with someone like me?

    I don't know what to do. I don't think he's attracted to me, and he's in a good relationship. It hurts to see him all the time, but I can't avoid him, I've tried doing everything that I can to not think about him, I've tried meeting new people, I've tried online dating, going to bars, clubs, hanging out with friends, letting my friends hook me up with other guys, I've been on over 50 dates the past year with over 20 different guys, I tried to make an effort to go on at least one date every week, but I haven't been able to meet anyone else even close to how I feel about this guy.

    I just love everything about him, everything he says I remember, he's very sweet, funny, caring, humble, and good looking (at least to me he is, maybe not everyone would think so). but to me he has the most beautiful eyes and when I see him it just makes me melt, every time. He has no idea because I'm very good at hiding this.

    I don't know what to do in this situation. Secretly I hope that he will break up with his girlfriend one day but even then I don't think that he is going to date me because he doesn't find me attractive. Unfortunately I think that he just seems me as a friend and he's not attracted to me.

    I'm always really hurt and depressed because I can't have him. I've talked to my friends and even a therapist about this but it doesn't help.
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    Ignore them you are only making yourself feel sad by following them around, get out there and meet other people socialise and do activities.
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    I've tried to do a lot of things to take my mind off him, a short list:
    1. go on a ton of dates
    2. I took on some music lessons
    3. I tried to hang out with my girlfriends more, go clubbing
    4. watching movies, tv series, I tried to pick some with my favorite actors that I was attracted to, I tried to make myself fall in love with a tv actor, which hurts less than being in love with someone in real life if I can't be with them, but it's nto the same because they are celebrities and I don't know them personally so I'm not really "in love" with them

    I can't ever meet any guy that makes me feel this way which just makes me think about him more. There isn't a day that goes by where I'm not thinking about him a lot that day.


    I run into him a lot which I can't really avoid, even if it's just a hi from him it makes me melt and then so many thoughts rush into my mind.
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    I know it is difficult but I think you know there is nothing you can do, other than either stay friends with him or completely cut him out.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    I know it is difficult but I think you know there is nothing you can do, other than either stay friends with him or completely cut him out.
    do you think that i *should* stay friends with him no matter how much it hurts
    or cut him out?
    i dont know what to do :/
    on the one hand i want to remain friends and maybe theres like a 1% chance he will break up with his girlfriend one day (although it probably will never happen, i can see them getting married), and everytime i see them together it hurts like crazy and i always cry about it

    but if i dont talk to him it is still going to hurt too, i have tried to take my mind off it before and i would often cry about him, and i dont know if this is possible anyways because i still run into him, and because i am in love with him even when i went out of town to visit some other friends and family i would still think about him back home

    either way i am hurt so i want to know if i *should* stay friends with him or not

    thanks for any replies
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    (Original post by emilyrh)
    I have a problem, I'm in love with someone who is in a relationship, they're not engaged but they live together so it's serious, she even moved from her home town across the country to live with him.

    We are friends, but hes never shown any sign that he is attracted to me. We go to the same graduate school and we live in the same neighborhood so it's impossible not to see him. It really hurts when I see him together with his girlfriend, sometimes I cry knowing that he won't be with me. In their facebook pictures they are having a lot of fun and look really happy and I don't think that they are going to break up, I think they might get married.

    Also she is really naturally pretty and cute and she has a good personality too, and me, I'm just average or maybe even slightly below at best, and that's on my good days where I try really hard to make an effort at my hairstyle, makeup, and clothes that I wear. On an attractiveness scale, the girl he is dating now is like a 8, but I'm like a 4-5 when I'm at my best, why would he ever want to be with someone like me?

    I don't know what to do. I don't think he's attracted to me, and he's in a good relationship. It hurts to see him all the time, but I can't avoid him, I've tried doing everything that I can to not think about him, I've tried meeting new people, I've tried online dating, going to bars, clubs, hanging out with friends, letting my friends hook me up with other guys, I've been on over 50 dates the past year with over 20 different guys, I tried to make an effort to go on at least one date every week, but I haven't been able to meet anyone else even close to how I feel about this guy.

    I just love everything about him, everything he says I remember, he's very sweet, funny, caring, humble, and good looking (at least to me he is, maybe not everyone would think so). but to me he has the most beautiful eyes and when I see him it just makes me melt, every time. He has no idea because I'm very good at hiding this.

    I don't know what to do in this situation. Secretly I hope that he will break up with his girlfriend one day but even then I don't think that he is going to date me because he doesn't find me attractive. Unfortunately I think that he just seems me as a friend and he's not attracted to me.

    I'm always really hurt and depressed because I can't have him. I've talked to my friends and even a therapist about this but it doesn't help.
    give time some time, it heals


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    Cut all contact, it's hard to begin with but gets easier with time, during which you might meet someone new. You can't live your life waiting for something that might not happen, I've done it and it sucked.


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    Hi, I've tried but the problem is that we go to the same school and are from the same hometown and I always run into him, maybe like at least a couple times a month. I never try to actively contact him or anything, but every time even if I just pass by him, all my feelings flood back, it never gets better unfortunately. I go on a lot of dates but nobody makes me feel the same way as him, and I don't want to mislead other guys him thinking that I am interested, when really I'm not because I still have feeling for the guy that I love. Sometimes on a date with another guy, something will remind me about the guy that I love and it overwhelms me, and sometimes I need to take a break go outside and get some fresh air, and the guy is wondering why I'm so upset, and I feel guilty for ruining the date. Like once I was dancing with a guy on a date and a song came up and I knew it was a favorite song of the guy that I love, and I couldn't really concentrate on dancing and some memories came back, I got tears in my eyes and I had to say some excuse and excuse myself to the bathroom, then I started crying. I'm afraid that I will always have feelings for this guy.

    I have tried really hard to forget about him and get over him, trying new hobbies, doing things to distract me from him, taking trips to see other family members outside of my state and I've talked to my aunt who I'm really close with, and she has tried to comfort me but the problem is that I just love him and always will and no other guy has made me feel anything close to the way that I feel when I'm with him. So I don't know what to do, I feel like he is the love of my life and I know that it could work out if I ever had a chance with him, the problem is just that he is already taken and I don't think he'll ever be available, it is a horrible feeling
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    (Original post by emilyrh)
    ... I still have feeling for the guy that I love...
    ... something will remind me about the guy that I love...
    ... was a favorite song of the guy that I love...
    ...So I don't know what to do, I feel like he is the love of my life...
    This might sound blunt, but I am trying to help. You say you love him. You're basically saying that you love someone who doesn't love you. Do you love that? Are you prepared to keep feeling mushy and lovey-dovey about someone who doesn't return those feelings? Does the fact that he doesn't love you actually really piss you off rather than just make you upset? Don't accept the fact that he doesn't love you. That might sound crazy, and as if I am telling you to try and make him love you or to hold out hope that one day he will love you. That's not what I'm saying. I'm telling you to wake up and see the situation for what it is: you are a worthy human being who is letting someone's lack of feelings for her basically take over her life. That's not acceptable. Everyone suffers from unrequited feelings from time to time, but when it gets to the point where you feel like you love someone you're not involved with, things get problematic. I'm no psychologist, but I think your main problem here is not your feelings for this man. I think this is a symptom of another problem, which might possibly be low self-esteem.

    Whilst you have given some information about how you know this man and how often you see him at present, you haven't talked about the level of prior contact you had. At the moment he sounds more like an acquaintance. Has he always been so? Can you honestly say you know this man well? Intimately? This sounds to me like infatuation. Infatuation thrives on a lack of information. You see someone, you have brief contact, you like what you see, and then your mind fills in all the blanks and makes him out to be exactly what you want. If you don't know him well, you don't see his faults and who he really is.

    I recognise that meeting someone new can help you move on from an emotional engagement, but this only really works when you have already reached a certain point in the moving on process. When you're deeply infatuated with someone you are in no place to date. It's no wonder that you have been on so many dates and had no luck when you're still so stuck on this man. You're looking for him, because that's all you're looking for at the moment. And surprise surprise. None of these men are him. Aggressively pursuing men in the hope of finding this man is only going to add to your emotional distress. You're only going to be disappointed when every date isn't him. You will get over this man. It might be that trying to do so actually halts the process. Reflect on past boyfriends and crushes and what it was that made you move on. You might find that you can't really pinpoint anything. It just happened. Your feelings might never completely disappear, but in time they will first become manageable, and then barely there. He is not the love of your life. To say that is an insult to yourself.
 
 
 
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