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Will you put your parents in a home? Watch

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    (Original post by Chadya)
    I know that for myself, when my parents are incapable of walking up the stairs etc, I will be putting them into a home, as I haven't got time for the faff of caring for someone. I would just find it quite frustrating if I'm honest.

    Would you do the same?
    Only if I really really had to. I really would prefer not to though. I'm sure if it was the right place they would receive great care like the one my maternal grandmother is in, however not all are that great. Some are very gloomy and depressing and they are not run well at all.
    I hope my parents remain well enough so that there is no need to put them into one of those places.
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    I don't know really. If they became incapable of looking after themselves, yes. I wouldn't be there all day everyday to look after them. They would probably enjoy a home better than being stuck in a house by themselves all the time.
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    (Original post by koko345)
    I would never ever put my parents in a home.If your parents shoved you in a care home when you needed them, when you weren't able to look after yourself, would you like it?
    **In my opinion** I disagree with putting parents in care homes. Unless there's a necessity in doing so but that seems unlikely
    If there wasn't a necessity in doing so then nursing homes would not exist. You only have to read the experiences of Lumos and Jelephant in this thread to see that. I've worked in a nursing home where the majority of the residents had dementia, were soiling themselves, unable to feed themselves, and unable to walk or mobilise at all. Many had hallucinations. To let them live in their own homes would be dangerous to their health. Some had no family except a distant relative who lived far away, others had sons or daughters with full time jobs and young children. These residents needed care 24/7, and many families are unable to do this.

    These situations are not "unlikely", dementia is increasing and caring for a person with dementia can be difficult, stressful and sometimes impossible for some families. I really believe that some people misunderstand how debilitating and progressive dementia is. Caring for someone with advanced dementia is not a part time thing, in a lot of cases you will need to be with them all the time.

    As for your first question. Thinking about the future, if I ever became unwell enough that I could no longer look after myself and needed 24/7 care, I would rather spend my last days in a good nursing home receiving specialist care, rather than sitting at home in my own poo because my relatives were unable to care for me.
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    Yes, my father and aunts had to put my grandmother in a care home and, as upsetting as that was, it was the best thing for her.

    She has Alzheimer's and would often skip meals because she forgot she hadn't eaten, wouldn't bathe herself, lost all concept of time, leave the house at silly o'clock to go shopping, get lost just 500 metres from her home. My parents and my aunts would visit her daily but it just wasn't and still isn't feasible for the family to be with her 24/7. Some of the people in this thread have said they'll "just" quit their jobs, I don't know how rich those people are but giving up work isn't a financially viable option for any of us. Not to mention, for my grandmother at least, having your children/grandchildren bathe you and change your nappy would be completely degrading.

    Now, she doesn't remember any of us, she doesn't even recognise any of us because her Alzheimer's is that bad, she has to be fed because she doesn't know what to do when a plate of food is put in front of her, she has to be bathed by others, has to wear a nappy, she's lost the ability to speak and she really does need care around the clock.

    The idea that just moving her in with one of us/spending more time with her would solve/manage all of that is ludicrous.
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    (Original post by rlw31)
    Yes, my father and aunts had to put my grandmother in a care home and, as upsetting as that was, it was the best thing for her.

    She has Alzheimer's and would often skip meals because she forgot she hadn't eaten, wouldn't bathe herself, lost all concept of time, leave the house at silly o'clock to go shopping, get lost just 500 metres from her home. My parents and my aunts would visit her daily but it just wasn't and still isn't feasible for the family to be with her 24/7. Some of the people in this thread have said they'll "just" quit their jobs, I don't know how rich those people are but giving up work isn't a financially viable option for any of us. Not to mention, for my grandmother at least, having your children/grandchildren bathe you and change your nappy would be completely degrading.

    Now, she doesn't remember any of us, she doesn't even recognise any of us because her Alzheimer's is that bad, she has to be fed because she doesn't know what to do when a plate of food is put in front of her, she has to be bathed by others, has to wear a nappy, she's lost the ability to speak and she really does need care around the clock.

    The idea that just moving her in with one of us/spending more time with her would solve/manage all of that is ludicrous.

    + rep especially for the last sentence. A lot of people think that by putting your elderly relative in a home that you have abandoned them, when in reality you have placed them in a place of safety.My mum had dementia and there was no way that I could have looked after her, moreover as I said in my earlier post she didnt want either myself or my brother to look after her.
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    (Original post by Genocidal)
    No way. I'm not paying those prices for care. That's my damned inheritance. I'd rather inconvenience myself for a while if it means not handing any of it over to those overpriced *******s!
    jesus thats revolting, you wouldnt do it cos you would lose out on money, you vulture.

    well we lost my father to cancer but where my mom is concerned.

    If it came down to it - yes id put her in a medical care home - but only if i wasnt able to look after her myself. If i could care for her then i would do so, shes my mother.
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    (Original post by silverbolt)
    jesus thats revolting, you wouldnt do it cos you would lose out on money, you vulture.

    well we lost my father to cancer but where my mom is concerned.

    If it came down to it - yes id put her in a medical care home - but only if i wasnt able to look after her myself. If i could care for her then i would do so, shes my mother.
    Yes because my parents obviously would rather stay in one of those rancid care homes instead of staying in their own home. :rolleyes:

    Not that it matters that much as we would have transferred all the money to me by then. My mother already has a contingency plan so the state doesn't get to take any of our money if she or my father has to go into care.
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    I would do whatever would be best for them - whether the plan needed financial aid or not.

    They are my parents after all, they did everything for me.
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    I generally agree with the OP but he could've worded it better. Sure it'd be nice to look after your parents when they're older but like others ITT have said, when the're suffering from dementia,Parkinson or whatever disease, caring for them, focusing on your career and raising kids is just too much. Is it that people ITT are being idealistic or they think that care homes are basically old people dungeons?
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    (Original post by Chadya)
    I know that for myself, when my parents are incapable of walking up the stairs etc, I will be putting them into a home, as I haven't got time for the faff of caring for someone. I would just find it quite frustrating if I'm honest.

    Would you do the same?
    I hope you will be able to afford it. Currently over £1000 a week.
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    I would do my absolute best. Of course, it depends on where I am myself in life at the time. I may have numerous children, a full time job etc- but I know that I would help out wherever I can, and try to help out financially if they needed a stair lift, and adaptations to the house, possibly a cleaner etc.

    But sometimes you have to realise that it may be kinder for them to live in a place where they could be looked after properly. If that's in my home then that's brilliant, but there's every chance that not everybody would be in the position to be able to provide that care. I hope that I am, but if I'm not then I would obviously have to think about better care.
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    Definitely not, for the prices charged you'd rather employ someone yourselves, they've cared for you all there life's and the moment they need you, you put them in a car home, no.1 child aren't you.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    my parents are not living with me fullstop. If that means they will go to a home then so be it!

    before the neg rep floods in let me add theyre racist and hate white people and wont let me bring white friends homr or have a white gf, and they used to beat me loads as a kid!
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    (Original post by ineedtorevise127)
    People who say yes they will put their parents in a home absolutely have no love for their parents.

    Your parents didn't choose to adopt you or leave you in the street then why are you abandoning them?

    People that do that their future children will do the same karma always comes back I have seen it in my eyes.

    So many elderly that I have seen in a care home are all sad and cry about how their children never visit them and how care is abandoning and lonely


    Posted from TSR Mobile

    How judgemental! How can you say people have no love for a family member if they put them in a home? Each individual circumstance is different and who are you to judge? There are a lot of older people in homes who are perfectly happy, well looked after and visited often by their family. My grandad is in a home and he gets regular visits from all the family, he chooses to stay there, he's often offered the opportunity to go and live with family but he doesn't want to.
    You're also not abandoning them, if they're in a home that can provide them with the right care for their needs then what's wrong with that? I know there are care homes out there that are useless but sometimes leaving an older person with family can be even worse for them.
    In short if it's necessary I will put my parents in a home but I'll be damn sure to make sure it's one that'll meet their needs and I'll my siblings and I will be there for them through the whole stay.
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    Probably not, i mean, theyve raised me and done everything for me I could possibly ask for. I wouldnt betray them by putting them in a dirty old home where your body and mind just rots away until death.
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    (Original post by LeonVII)
    Probably not, i mean, theyve raised me and done everything for me I could possibly ask for. I wouldnt betray them by putting them in a dirty old home where your body and mind just rots away until death.
    So put them in a clean, modern home with adequate care and stimulation...
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    I wouldnt want to, in my culture your parent stay with you even when your married. I will have no problem with that at all, however during these modern times its more likely that both wife and husband are working and have no time to be at home so i guess it all depends on how much care my parents need. But i will do all i can to keep my parents with me and look after them.
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    (Original post by F Ellen)
    If there wasn't a necessity in doing so then nursing homes would not exist. You only have to read the experiences of Lumos and Jelephant in this thread to see that. I've worked in a nursing home where the majority of the residents had dementia, were soiling themselves, unable to feed themselves, and unable to walk or mobilise at all. Many had hallucinations. To let them live in their own homes would be dangerous to their health. Some had no family except a distant relative who lived far away, others had sons or daughters with full time jobs and young children. These residents needed care 24/7, and many families are unable to do this.

    These situations are not "unlikely", dementia is increasing and caring for a person with dementia can be difficult, stressful and sometimes impossible for some families. I really believe that some people misunderstand how debilitating and progressive dementia is. Caring for someone with advanced dementia is not a part time thing, in a lot of cases you will need to be with them all the time.

    As for your first question. Thinking about the future, if I ever became unwell enough that I could no longer look after myself and needed 24/7 care, I would rather spend my last days in a good nursing home receiving specialist care, rather than sitting at home in my own poo because my relatives were unable to care for me.
    dementias not a necessity for me.
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    I hadn't thought that far ahead.

    Frankly, I'm not the most family orientated person. I would want to do what was proper and right, especially for my Dad, but do consider... I have 2 Aunts, both with partners. They'll have to find their way. You may think I'm being harsh about not intending to help them much but do consider - I am the only person in my family under the age of 50. There are 7 people in the generation above me, and my Dad is pushing me to help out with the generation above him when the time comes. Obviously I'm not going to care for 7 people when holding down a career - that's a full-time job, and there's a reason that I'm steering clear of care-type jobs.

    I think I'll wait and see how much my parents do for their parents. They do of course have a sibling to help out.
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    I'm going to take care of my mother as much as I will be able to. If I will see that I need some help, I'll hire a professional to help me. I would only put in a home if my mother would ask me to do so but not going to put her because I just want to get rid off responsibility.

    Putting your parents in care home is just disrespectful since your parents looked after you when you were a kid and they didn't put you in children home or any other place just because it's a big responsibility.
 
 
 
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