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I really want a relationship but... Watch

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    Hi everyone,

    So here is the situation. Went out with a guy I was completely devoted to for about a year and a half, was obviously devastated when he broke up with me. The break up was 'amicable' i.e. he didn't cheat on me or anything douchey, however, essentially it boiled down to the fact that he just didn't love me enough to keep going in our circumstances (we were moving away from each other). I think that affected me more than I first realised. Anyway fast forward about 4 months down the line, I moved off to uni, had a bit of a 'rebel' phase, slept with a couple of guys after nights out (which I'd never done before, ex was my first).. had a FWB for a bit with one guy who was a bit of a **** to me.. Ended that, and decided my behaviour was just making me feel empty and used and horrible, so reeled it in. Towards the end of the FWB I started to get extremely lonely and yearn for a relationship. That was about 3 months ago and I still feel the same, I want a relationship.

    However, I met this guy the other night.. we kissed and he took my number. We began texting and he asked to meet, but I'd already gone home for easter. We have been texting quite a lot, and he genuinely seems like a lovely guy. Intelligent and very nice (i.e. doing things the 'proper' way rather than just trying to get sex), and a good looking guy too. I was telling my friend about it, and she asked me if I could see this guy as my boyfriend, and I freaked out. Suddenly, committing to someone freaked the hell out of me and even now the thought of it is making me panicky.

    What the hell is going on? Because I'm mind-****ing myself right now. Has anyone else every felt similar? What did you do?

    Thanks guys.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone,

    So here is the situation. Went out with a guy I was completely devoted to for about a year and a half, was obviously devastated when he broke up with me. The break up was 'amicable' i.e. he didn't cheat on me or anything douchey, however, essentially it boiled down to the fact that he just didn't love me enough to keep going in our circumstances (we were moving away from each other). I think that affected me more than I first realised. Anyway fast forward about 4 months down the line, I moved off to uni, had a bit of a 'rebel' phase, slept with a couple of guys after nights out (which I'd never done before, ex was my first).. had a FWB for a bit with one guy who was a bit of a **** to me.. Ended that, and decided my behaviour was just making me feel empty and used and horrible, so reeled it in. Towards the end of the FWB I started to get extremely lonely and yearn for a relationship. That was about 3 months ago and I still feel the same, I want a relationship.

    However, I met this guy the other night.. we kissed and he took my number. We began texting and he asked to meet, but I'd already gone home for easter. We have been texting quite a lot, and he genuinely seems like a lovely guy. Intelligent and very nice (i.e. doing things the 'proper' way rather than just trying to get sex), and a good looking guy too. I was telling my friend about it, and she asked me if I could see this guy as my boyfriend, and I freaked out. Suddenly, committing to someone freaked the hell out of me and even now the thought of it is making me panicky.

    What the hell is going on? Because I'm mind-f**king myself right now. Has anyone else every felt similar? What did you do?

    Thanks guys.
    :hugs:
    Well, don't make the mistake that loads of people who have been hurt made: buckling at the 'pressures' too early, giving up on a good thing because you feel like you don't deserve it, or even nit-picking - almost trying to find something wrong with a perfectly good thing. I know what you mean, anyone who has had trust breakages or suffered a negative relationship of any kind finds it hard to start again and turn over a new leaf, but just don't panic. You don't need to put yourself under the pressures of thinking long term, of questionning yourself, of questionning him too hard - one of the hugest mistakes we make in life is over-thinking stuff. Over thinking something never leads to a positive outcome, so just breathe and take each day with this new guy as it comes. It sounds like he's into you so just enjoy that but make sure he's not your only source of happiness, that you dont 'put all your eggs in one basket' - and the extra advantage of this is the more you make it that your life doesnt revolve around him, the more he will dig you!
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    I'm going through a pretty similar thing at the moment too. I'd suggest just talking to this guy about it, tell him straight how you feel. Hopefully he'll understand. :confused:
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    • Thread Starter
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    Thanks guys It's really helpful to hear it from an outside perspective. I just don't get how I can want a relationship, yet freak out at the thought of committing to one at the same time.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks guys It's really helpful to hear it from an outside perspective. I just don't get how I can want a relationship, yet freak out at the thought of committing to one at the same time.
    Hmm well I think people feel conflict with quite a lot of emotions; I certainly can relate to that. It's not abnormal . I would suggest you try to avoid coming across as too emotional/ as someone with hang ups and baggage with this guy; the more confident and secure you come across, the more attractive you will be to him. You're better off revealing your insecurities with time than opening up right away. Just try to avoid taking things too seriously and worrying too much and yeah, just enjoy it for what it is really, good luck
 
 
 
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