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    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    Okay so my boyfriend & I have been together 3 1/2 years. We met at Uni but he graduated before me so now we are living 4 hours apart. This isn't much of a problem as we've done long distance before.

    The problem is that since he graduated I think we've started to drift apart. At uni he had barely any lectures and spent the rest of his time in the pub or playing video games - which is fine for a Uni student, don't get me wrong. However when he was nearing graduation he still wasn't doing anything to try and search for a job etc. Which has meant that now he is still doing unpaid jobs to try and get an actual job. He only works a few days a week and spends the rest of the week playing video games. He doesn't seem to have any real interests/hobbies and he doesn't do as much as he could to find a job. He does know what career he wants to have and he always says stuff like 'today I'm gonna spend the day applying for jobs' but in the end most of those days he just ends up playing games instead.

    He's a really laid back guy, which can be a great thing, but I'm starting to think that he's too laid back for me.

    I will be graduating soon and am planning on travelling for 3/4 months. He originally said he wanted to come too but now said he 'just doesn't want to'. So I am going on my own. He said that for him 4 months away from his life at home is too long - I personally think 4 months is nothing. He has no job sorted out for when I am travelling and I'm worried that I'm going to come back with these amazing memories and he's just going to have played video games the whole time. Also, I can't help but see everyone else's partners going off travelling with them and mine won't come, even though he has no job sorted and he already has the money to go, just because 'he doesn't want to' even though he knows that being apart for that long could break us up (not that I'm saying I won't try but obviously sometimes it does break couples up). It makes me wonder if he'd ever do anything out of his comfort zone or something that I REALLY wanted to do? I know if it were the other way around I'd do something with him if he wanted it that badly because I wouldn't want to risk us splitting up and because I want him to be happy. I've even said i'll move to where he lives if we decided to live together and I have no job sorted somewhere else.

    I do love him but I don't know if this is something I will be able to deal with in the long run. Even with me he is so laid back - when I mentioned that travelling breaks some couples up he just said ... well whatever happens happens or he says 'whatever makes you happy'.

    Is this just me being rubbish? Has anyone else been in this situation?
    • #2

    It sounds like you need to have a proper sit down chat with him about it all, I've found the only reason my relationships work is if there is lots of communications. Just ask him what he thinks about the future, and if he continues to not want to discuss it or avoid trying to find things to do, you can try to encourage him. It sounds like you care about him an awful lot, but maybe this is when you need to challenge him to step up to the mark for you.
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