Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

How can I show him I'm just not interested? Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    This guy from my college added me on facebook about a month ago. I didn't realise who he was but turns out he was with my mate when I was talking to this mate at college. He seems shy like at college won't speak to me at all and has told me on facebook he's never had a girlfriend. He always trys to hang around with me at college when he see's me. I've told him 4 times I'm not interested in a relationship atm and won't anytime soon. I always feel mean when I say it to him but honestly that's how I feel. I wouldn't mind being just friends with me but he always seems to try and hint to me that he wants a relationship with me, he even messages my friends at college on facebook telling them how he misses me. He hardly even knows me so I find it a bit weird. He tells me on facebook how special I am to him and he's never met a girl like me before, yet again he hardly knows me, when we're at college he doesn't speak to me. Last week he gave me a present at college since it was my birthday but still didn't really say anything to me. Literally everyday he hints to me and if I'm honest I'm getting a bit sick of it. It's not like I haven't made it clear to him that I don't want a relationship. I came out of a relationship in Janurary and all that's on my mind now is concentrating on my qualifications so I can do nursing at uni, so I am a caring person but I feel like college & uni are more important than a relationship right now. On facebook he always says to me well I tell you how much I love you & stuff like should I keep waiting for you. It's not like I haven't told him I'm not interested in a boyfriend.

    Anyway today he went all depressed on me telling me how he doesn't see a point in life or why he's alive. I tried to talk to him, I've suffered from depression and this sounds like he is but it's just like he doesn't want to be helped. I tried my best to talk to him and show him there are positives in life. That's how I really overcame my depression - from talking and seeing there were more positives than negatives in my life. I was telling him everyone has a life for a reason, because that's what I believe. He just kept telling me he has no reason to be here and I really tried talking to him. He said he could die tommorrow and nobody would care and I said I would. He said he doubted that and then said wait I have you to live for but I might as well give up that too. Then said bye to me. I don't really know what to say anymore. I don't want to be mean but I've told him so many times I'm not interested. I wanted to help him and tried but feel like you can't give help to someone who doesn't want it but I don't know if he's trying to make me feel guilty or what. I don't know if to delete him off facebook and ignore him but feel like that would be harsh too, I'm just sick of it, it's stressing me out and I don't need it. Help?
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    :s-smilie:

    That's a hard one. You've tried talking to him and saying you're not interested which is usually the right way to go about it.

    Can I ask what present he got you for your birthday?

    With him being depressed... are you the only one he's spoken to about this? I know depression is serious and not to be made a mockery of (I suffer myself) but is it at all possible that he may be saying these things to you as a way to get you to keep interacting with him? I know its awful, but I have had a psycho ex before claiming depression/threatening suicide etc just to keep me around (because obviously you can't really ditch someone once they've confided in you that sort of stuff) when he didn't mean it.

    Can you give any more info? Did you talk before he added you on Facebook, do you have mutual friends, how does he act with other people?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by samleigh)
    :s-smilie:

    That's a hard one. You've tried talking to him and saying you're not interested which is usually the right way to go about it.

    Can I ask what present he got you for your birthday?

    With him being depressed... are you the only one he's spoken to about this? I know depression is serious and not to be made a mockery of (I suffer myself) but is it at all possible that he may be saying these things to you as a way to get you to keep interacting with him? I know its awful, but I have had a psycho ex before claiming depression/threatening suicide etc just to keep me around (because obviously you can't really ditch someone once they've confided in you that sort of stuff) when he didn't mean it.

    Can you give any more info? Did you talk before he added you on Facebook, do you have mutual friends, how does he act with other people?
    Well he knows from my facebook and because at college I have a backpack with Hello Kitty on that I LOVE Hello Kitty so he bought me a small Hello Kitty Build a bear and a birthday card which I thought was quite sweet, but I'd already told him loads of times before that that I wasn't interested in a relationship. I have no idea who else he's talked to about it, I have tried to keep talking to him about it and ways to help him but then he tells me he's given up with life, I told him not to and tried to help and then he says 'too late, bye.' This is why I don't know if it's a way to make me feel guilty or something. We didn't talk at all before facebook because he just won't talk to me at college at all. We have a mutual friend (the guy he was with who I was talking to that I've been friends with for about 6 years). He always seems to be either alone at college or with his older brother. He's 18 and his brother is in his 20's.
    • #1
    #1

    you know, I think the only way you can make this stop is by cutting him out of your life, so remove his number, delete him on facebook and don't talk to him, if you really have to speak, act 'distant'. That way chances are he'll stop being so fixated with you and move on. This happened to me a while ago, it was a guy friend of mine, we were such good friends until he developed feelings for me and I, like you, wanted to focus on my qualifications. I kept telling him nicely I wasn't interested but he would ask me out, and flirt ALL THE TIME, even emotionally blackmailing me about how lonely he was etc.

    In the end, I ended up cutting him out of my life completely after he started ranting at me about rejecting him. Now, 2 years later we're totally normal with each other, we don't talk much but we're not awkward around each other anymore, I got the qualifications I wanted, and I don't regret anything.
    • #1
    #1

    also, he MAY be depressed but I can't help thinking you're right and he's saying these things about depression just to make you feel guilty and give him special attention. I may be wrong but it's just what it sounds like in my opinion.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Does he have other friends at the college? You could try talking to his friends about this. You could always try and set him up with somebody, someone with a similar personality and who would be compatible? I don't think you should delete him off Facebook or ignore him completely since it seems that you're the one he thinks he can rely on at this current moment and you blocking him out may make him feel even more depressed and as if he has nobody. For this current moment try and support him, talk to his friends about it who could try and organize something for him to make him feel better about himself. Once you can see him feeling happier about things inform him that you really just want to focus on your education right now and that you're not interested and how he should focus on his too. Hope this has helped and best of luck in your studies :-)
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    TSR Support Team
    If you have already told him you are not interested in a nice way then maybe you will have to be brutal about it, I know that's harsh but sometimes it is the only way. Failing that then I guess you will have to try and avoid him.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 24, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What's your favourite Christmas sweets?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.