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    My boyfriend and I were friends for a few years before getting into a relationship, and at the start of it we went through the mushy, lovey-dovey totally loved up stage. Recently more than ever I've noticed that the way he speaks to me and his reactions to things are as though I'm just another one of his friends.

    I think it's worth stating that we are long distance, and this pretty much goes away when we're together in real life, it's just the weeks apart where I'm left feeling like he sees me as a close friend. It'll be things like making sarcastic comments or jokes at my expensive in front of other people that make me think "I'd get that if we were pals, but I'm suppose to be your girlfriend" y'know? It hurts a lot when I often find myself feeling as though if he acts this way to me who's to say he's not acting single to other people too? I don't know, it just worries me. I'm quite paranoid and get jealous easily which probably doesn't help.

    I just want him to be more "boyfriend-like" towards me and I have no idea how to approach getting this from him.

    Any advice?
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    Tell him in the most direct way you can think of, it's likely he hasn't even noticed this.
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    But you WERE friends, so your relationship is built on the friendship that you had. So of course he'll make the same kind of jokes that he did before. I don't think that needs to be lost really, but maybe you need to add some of the relationship/love stuff if you feel that's missing, but not get rid of the friend stuff.
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    (Original post by Llewellyn)
    Tell him in the most direct way you can think of, it's likely he hasn't even noticed this.
    What, just like "Hey can you treat me less like a friend and actually act like you do love me sometimes"? Would that not scare him off?

    (Original post by joker12345)
    But you WERE friends, so your relationship is built on the friendship that you had. So of course he'll make the same kind of jokes that he did before. I don't think that needs to be lost really, but maybe you need to add some of the relationship/love stuff if you feel that's missing, but not get rid of the friend stuff.
    I know, and I'm glad we were because it means our relationship is deeper because we know each other so well. I like the jokes and I make them back, that's how we are, but when I'm left feeling like he's said something he wouldn't say if he cared about me then it sucks balls. I'm perfectly affectionate to him, I've always been one for it, but he's not.

    I don't want to get rid of the friend stuff, like you say, I'm not sure how to get him to add more relationship stuff.
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    You're lucky to have that friendship kinda relationship there but I think you should just speak and say look, are you sure you wanna be in this relationship, because it seems more like you want to be friends.




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    (Original post by farhaanf)
    You're lucky to have that friendship kinda relationship there but I think you should just speak and say look, are you sure you wanna be in this relationship, because it seems more like you want to be friends.
    I know, and I value it, but sometimes I just want the affection that comes with a relationship. That's not a bad idea, although I hate giving ultimatums. Thanks.
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    Some guys just don't like to do all the lovey dovey relationship stuff in front of their friends, my boyfriend doesnt and I'm glad of it! It can make the friends circle a bit weird and you kinda isolate yourself. Just mention it to him, you don't have to be nasty about it but just tell him how you feel. My boyfriend doesn't always do feelings and stuff which is annoying sometimes but when he does it makes it so much better compared to if he said it every day. The fact you were really good friends before should make you relationship a lot stronger I wouldn't worry too much to be honest, talk to him about it and I am sure he will understand, even if you just have the cute soppy stuff when it's just the two of you, in my opinion it is much better, no one else really needs to know.
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    (Original post by Kirsty...x)
    Some guys just don't like to do all the lovey dovey relationship stuff in front of their friends, my boyfriend doesnt and I'm glad of it! It can make the friends circle a bit weird and you kinda isolate yourself. Just mention it to him, you don't have to be nasty about it but just tell him how you feel. My boyfriend doesn't always do feelings and stuff which is annoying sometimes but when he does it makes it so much better compared to if he said it every day. The fact you were really good friends before should make you relationship a lot stronger I wouldn't worry too much to be honest, talk to him about it and I am sure he will understand, even if you just have the cute soppy stuff when it's just the two of you, in my opinion it is much better, no one else really needs to know.
    It's not just his friends though it's pretty much everyone! I understand, and I guess I do like it sometimes, makes us feel closer etc.

    I guess you're right, I think I'll mention how sometimes I'd rather he cut back on the insensitive jokes and act more like a caring boyfriend but other than that I'll just let it slide.

    Thanks
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What, just like "Hey can you treat me less like a friend and actually act like you do love me sometimes"? Would that not scare him off?
    Just say something like "I would really like it if we could act more like a couple because it would make me feel better and slightly more secure." or "I don't appreciate it when you cut me down, we should be a team in this". Just say exactly what is on your mind and how you want him to change.

    Your options are either to address the problem directly and move forward, or decide that addressing the problem isn't worth a small conversation. Guys aren't very good at picking up on subtle hints, so there isn't really a middle ground here unless your boyfriend is very good at picking up on small social cues (which isn't likely considering you made this thread). And the basis of a good relationship is communication, if you can communicate your problems and wishes easily to each other then things will move forward and improve for both of you. If you do not have that communication then that is when relationships fall apart.
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    (Original post by Llewellyn)
    Just say something like "I would really like it if we could act more like a couple because it would make me feel better and slightly more secure." or "I don't appreciate it when you cut me down, we should be a team in this". Just say exactly what is on your mind and how you want him to change.

    Your options are either to address the problem directly and move forward, or decide that addressing the problem isn't worth a small conversation. Guys aren't very good at picking up on subtle hints, so there isn't really a middle ground here unless your boyfriend is very good at picking up on small social cues (which isn't likely considering you made this thread). And the basis of a good relationship is communication, if you can communicate your problems and wishes easily to each other then things will move forward and improve for both of you. If you do not have that communication then that is when relationships fall apart.
    Really great help, thank you. I think I'm going to, next time he makes a joke I don't like, say something along the lines of what you suggested.

    Thanks a lot
 
 
 
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