Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

why does every guy do this to me? so annoyed Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    every single time i meet a guy they always chase me for a few weeks (when im not interested), make me fall for them, ask me out...we go out for a few days or a week and then suddenley im dumped.

    Im always in the 'friend-zone'. Im so sick of it.

    Every guy I meet just wants me for sex (I dont give them anything cos im not going to be used like that) and NEVER a relationship.

    Ive recently met a guy and the past few weeks weve been hanging out, text things like ''wish you were here'', telling me he really likes me and wants me to be with him etc, him initiating it 70% of the time.

    Then all of a sudden i start falling for him and he tells me he doesnt want a relationship, he wants to be single.

    WHY? why is it always me.

    If I go for the guys that are always in relationships- they arent interested, and if i go for the guys that have always been single theyre not interested.

    I just dont get it?

    I just feel like Im not relationship material even though everyone tells me id be the perfect girlfriend.

    Does anyone else get this? i just feel like I cant trust guys ever with my feelings. Because one minute Im being told how much they like me and want me to be their girlfriend and as soon as I say 'yes' Im ditched days later (before putting out). Whyyyyyyyy?!
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Don't be worried about it. Some people just aren't at all suited for each other.

    You should be glad that people get through assessing relationship-feasibility that quickly! Usually, it takes 2 months of creepy staring and awkward text messages.
    Offline

    16
    1. You're too easily seduced and therefore easy.

    2. They're so annoyed with you for taking so long (and in their minds playing with them) that they'll draw you in just to hurt you after that.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Maybe because you seem wrapped up in this idea that you shouldn't put out until your fairly deep into a relationship? Theres nothing wrong with it but I can pinpoint probably the main issue right there.

    Sure some guys use girls for sex. But some girls also use guys for sex so there is really no issue there. People go after what they want. But so many relationships are born out of the feelings sex creates between two people. Of course, some people end up getting hurt, but if you don't try then you won't get. Even if you were hurt by three boys you liked and then one didn't '**** you over' as you might put it, you'd still be happy for a lot longer than you'd be hurt.

    But how do you expect a guy to want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't seem to want sex? Its just completely counterproductive. You could be the perfect girl for me but you'd never get a shot because I'm a virile male who wants to have sex.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by theguv92)
    Maybe because you seem wrapped up in this idea that you shouldn't put out until your fairly deep into a relationship? Theres nothing wrong with it but I can pinpoint probably the main issue right there.

    Sure some guys use girls for sex. But some girls also use guys for sex so there is really no issue there. People go after what they want. But so many relationships are born out of the feelings sex creates between two people. Of course, some people end up getting hurt, but if you don't try then you won't get. Even if you were hurt by three boys you liked and then one didn't '**** you over' as you might put it, you'd still be happy for a lot longer than you'd be hurt.

    But how do you expect a guy to want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't seem to want sex? Its just completely counterproductive. You could be the perfect girl for me but you'd never get a shot because I'm a virile male who wants to have sex.
    well ive never had sex before, so for me sex comes in a deep relationship.

    The guys in question know this, and i did other stuff with the 1, then we got into a relationship and he ditched me.

    The other 1 is just a friend who 1 minute claims he wants to be with me and keeps changing his mind.
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    Guys suck and don't know what they want. :rolleyes:
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    First of all, you are not "friend zoned". They don't consider you a friend, because they try to sleep with you and lose interest once they can't. Forget about that term.

    Identify where your problem lies. This is a good guide from a blog:

    1. Men hit on you all the time, and you get dates, but you struggle to get (or keep) a boyfriend.


    Your personality needs work. Men are attracted by your initial shine, but they soon discover your lack of substance. They don't like spending time with you because you are either boring, too high-maintenance, stupid, too insecure or annoying - or some combination of these. Be honest with yourself in determining which of these are the biggest problems, then re-focus your efforts and do whatever it takes to fix them.

    2. You never get hit on by men you are attracted to, or else they hit on you but then make an excuse to leave and don't ask for your number. They ones that want you are always short, or fat, or ugly, or awkward. The hot guys that you want to hit on you never do. Or, you never get hit on at all.

    This happens either because you aren't making yourself attractive enough or because you have unrealistic expectations about what kind of men you can attract. Assume the former first: lose weight, spend more time on your hair, or work on your appearance in some other way. Then, if things still aren't working out (and be patient because this takes time), lower your standards.

    3. Your friends always get hit on and you don't, or you always get hit on by the less-attractive friend or the obvious "wing man." It happens so much that you just expect it now.

    Same as #2, with the added suggestion that - if none of that works (and again, it takes time) - you should start going out with new people who are closer to your level of attractiveness, at least occasionally.

    4. Men hit on you and ask (text) you to go out drinking, but not to go out on dates. Or they ask you on dates, try to sleep with you a couple times, then never call again.

    You are projecting a slutty image by your behavior. Men immediately recognize that you are not girlfriend material so they just try to hook up with you. Tone down the drinking, leave bars earlier, and acknowledge that your lifestyle is not conducive to finding a guy who will respect you.

    5. Men treat you like a friend, not like a girl they are interested in sexually or romantically.

    You probably allow men to treat you like one of the guys. This isn't actually that bad of a situation to be in, because with just a little effort, you can improve your looks to a point that men will look at you in a romantic and sexual light. And if you start acting more feminine you can break out of the "friends" mold.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Millie228)
    First of all, you are not "friend zoned". They don't consider you a friend, because they try to sleep with you and lose interest once they can't. Forget about that term.

    Identify where your problem lies. This is a good guide from a blog:

    1. Men hit on you all the time, and you get dates, but you struggle to get (or keep) a boyfriend.


    Your personality needs work. Men are attracted by your initial shine, but they soon discover your lack of substance. They don't like spending time with you because you are either boring, too high-maintenance, stupid, too insecure or annoying - or some combination of these. Be honest with yourself in determining which of these are the biggest problems, then re-focus your efforts and do whatever it takes to fix them.

    2. You never get hit on by men you are attracted to, or else they hit on you but then make an excuse to leave and don't ask for your number. They ones that want you are always short, or fat, or ugly, or awkward. The hot guys that you want to hit on you never do. Or, you never get hit on at all.

    This happens either because you aren't making yourself attractive enough or because you have unrealistic expectations about what kind of men you can attract. Assume the former first: lose weight, spend more time on your hair, or work on your appearance in some other way. Then, if things still aren't working out (and be patient because this takes time), lower your standards.

    3. Your friends always get hit on and you don't, or you always get hit on by the less-attractive friend or the obvious "wing man." It happens so much that you just expect it now.

    Same as #2, with the added suggestion that - if none of that works (and again, it takes time) - you should start going out with new people who are closer to your level of attractiveness, at least occasionally.

    4. Men hit on you and ask (text) you to go out drinking, but not to go out on dates. Or they ask you on dates, try to sleep with you a couple times, then never call again.

    You are projecting a slutty image by your behavior. Men immediately recognize that you are not girlfriend material so they just try to hook up with you. Tone down the drinking, leave bars earlier, and acknowledge that your lifestyle is not conducive to finding a guy who will respect you.

    5. Men treat you like a friend, not like a girl they are interested in sexually or romantically.

    You probably allow men to treat you like one of the guys. This isn't actually that bad of a situation to be in, because with just a little effort, you can improve your looks to a point that men will look at you in a romantic and sexual light. And if you start acting more feminine you can break out of the "friends" mold.
    Why do women have to change themselves to get a boyfriend? Surely if someone really has the potential to love you then they will love you for yourself - not for some fake personality or polished appearance that isn't natural for you. You want a meaningful relationship? Don't change yourself and be patient and wait for the right person to come along. Then they'll accept you.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    TSR Support Team
    (Original post by spanish_sahara)
    Why do women have to change themselves to get a boyfriend? Surely if someone really has the potential to love you then they will love you for yourself - not for some fake personality or polished appearance that isn't natural for you. You want a meaningful relationship? Don't change yourself and be patient and wait for the right person to come along. Then they'll accept you.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Totally agree, why should anyone change who they are
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    It sounds to me like you are way too keen on getting into a relationship and are not being very discerning in the process. I'm finding it hard to believe that you have wanted a relationship with every one of the string of guys you speak of. Have you been seduced by them personally, or just by the idea of being in a relationship? Your desperation shows in this thread, so it follows that it shows in your behaviour.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    She said either lower your standards, or if you insist on keeping such high standards, you may have to change to be able to reach this.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by spanish_sahara)
    Why do women have to change themselves to get a boyfriend? Surely if someone really has the potential to love you then they will love you for yourself - not for some fake personality or polished appearance that isn't natural for you. You want a meaningful relationship? Don't change yourself and be patient and wait for the right person to come along. Then they'll accept you.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    The people who say "I won't change myself" are usually massively up themselves or very lazy. Your personality is not a rigid structure, you can work on it and improve it. The people who don't are narcissistic or lazy.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    You might be hot physically, but boring as ****.

    "Wish you were here"

    Seriously saying that before you are actually together is so lame.

    "Wish you were ****ing me"

    A lot more fun.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)



    If I go for the guys that are always in relationships
    U wot m8
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Classical Liberal)
    You might be hot physically, but boring as ****.

    "Wish you were here"

    Seriously saying that before you are actually together is so lame.

    "Wish you were ****ing me"

    A lot more fun.
    This. I don't get how the OP can fall for those white knights. That's why she isn't initially attracted to them, don't know why she gets attracted once they move on. Probably because of the thrill of chasing something you can't get.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by vruti123)
    sorry guys this is really irrelevant but can you please do my questionnaire?
    will only take less than 5 minutes i promise!

    http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/VNSTQL8 thankyou so much!!
    done
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Millie228)
    First of all, you are not "friend zoned". They don't consider you a friend, because they try to sleep with you and lose interest once they can't. Forget about that term.

    Identify where your problem lies. This is a good guide from a blog:

    1. Men hit on you all the time, and you get dates, but you struggle to get (or keep) a boyfriend.


    Your personality needs work. Men are attracted by your initial shine, but they soon discover your lack of substance. They don't like spending time with you because you are either boring, too high-maintenance, stupid, too insecure or annoying - or some combination of these. Be honest with yourself in determining which of these are the biggest problems, then re-focus your efforts and do whatever it takes to fix them.

    2. You never get hit on by men you are attracted to, or else they hit on you but then make an excuse to leave and don't ask for your number. They ones that want you are always short, or fat, or ugly, or awkward. The hot guys that you want to hit on you never do. Or, you never get hit on at all.

    This happens either because you aren't making yourself attractive enough or because you have unrealistic expectations about what kind of men you can attract. Assume the former first: lose weight, spend more time on your hair, or work on your appearance in some other way. Then, if things still aren't working out (and be patient because this takes time), lower your standards.

    3. Your friends always get hit on and you don't, or you always get hit on by the less-attractive friend or the obvious "wing man." It happens so much that you just expect it now.

    Same as #2, with the added suggestion that - if none of that works (and again, it takes time) - you should start going out with new people who are closer to your level of attractiveness, at least occasionally.

    4. Men hit on you and ask (text) you to go out drinking, but not to go out on dates. Or they ask you on dates, try to sleep with you a couple times, then never call again.

    You are projecting a slutty image by your behavior. Men immediately recognize that you are not girlfriend material so they just try to hook up with you. Tone down the drinking, leave bars earlier, and acknowledge that your lifestyle is not conducive to finding a guy who will respect you.

    5. Men treat you like a friend, not like a girl they are interested in sexually or romantically.

    You probably allow men to treat you like one of the guys. This isn't actually that bad of a situation to be in, because with just a little effort, you can improve your looks to a point that men will look at you in a romantic and sexual light. And if you start acting more feminine you can break out of the "friends" mold.
    I would say its my personality the guys are attracted too tbh. Im always told Im relaxed, laid back, cool.

    I wouldnt say I project a slutty image either.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Totally agree, why should anyone change who they are
    Because you might be a miserable ****.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    well ive never had sex before, so for me sex comes in a deep relationship.

    The guys in question know this, and i did other stuff with the 1, then we got into a relationship and he ditched me.

    The other 1 is just a friend who 1 minute claims he wants to be with me and keeps changing his mind.
    Trouble is if you text even slightly flirty things like "wish you were here" etc, after one date, then it kind of sounds like you're after some quick romance and a guy probably would expect you to 'put out' quickly and give up when you don't.

    Ignore the friend zoning crap, because its just people who can't get laid because they're not their type or whatever, so look for excuses in the form of 'friend zoning'. What you need is to befriend guys and see if something materialises as you'll know it'll be meaningful and that he'll be prepared to wait because you'll mean something to him too. My first boyfriend waited 2 years before I felt ready to lose my virginity, and he never pushed me once. Me and all my friends are with guys we were friends with first, so good luck
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
    It sounds to me like you are way too keen on getting into a relationship and are not being very discerning in the process. I'm finding it hard to believe that you have wanted a relationship with every one of the string of guys you speak of. Have you been seduced by them personally, or just by the idea of being in a relationship? Your desperation shows in this thread, so it follows that it shows in your behaviour.
    Had to reply to this because it couldnt be further off the mark!

    I am happily single and I am talking about a few specific guys who I have got close to- probably only 2. What Im talking about is that generally men dont seem interested in relationships with me (which im not bothered about at that moment, because I am happy single). Im just bothered because I dont want to be considered not relationship material when I am.

    With this guy, I really felt a spark with him which is why I do like him. But still, I am unsure of if I would have a relationship if he asked because I just dont know if thats what I want. But I dont get why he tells me he does want 1 and then changes his mind and so on.

    What Im saying is i DONT want a relationship with the guys that I attract (apart from the 2 i briefly mentioned- i think). But Im always getting dropped by guys generally and they never seem to see me as relationship material.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 26, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What's your favourite Christmas sweets?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.