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    To cut a long story short, been with my (now ex) partner throughout uni and LDR'd for a while afterwards, being together for a total of 4 years. She was my world and I was planning to propose on holiday later in the year but she has recently ended it due to "long term compatability doubts" which i'm absolutely devastated about and finding it hard to accept right now.

    As we were each other's firsts for absolutely everything I'm really not sure how to react (other than crying myself to sleep) and how to move on from her. I don't have many friends where I'm living and can't move due to work and I don't have the confidence in myself to try and go out and meet new people at the moment so I feel trapped in a negative spiral right now.

    Can anyone offer any advice regarding how to take the next few steps to moving on?

    Thanks
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    Try and take up some new hobbies?
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    Pick up some desperate chicks at a uni bar at the weekend. :sexface:
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    (Original post by SheldonWannabe)
    Pick up some desperate chicks at a uni bar at the weekend. :sexface:
    I need to regain confidence in myself first (and struggling to find a way to think on the bright side at the moment) and I'd be going alone as everyone else has moved away :-(

    It isnt in my nature to do that anyway
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    A pack of disposable rubber gloves, tissues and some baby lotion. Relief!

    In all seriousness, try to focus on personal pursuits in other areas for the time being. It'll get easier.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I need to regain confidence in myself first (and struggling to find a way to think on the bright side at the moment) and I'd be going alone as everyone else has moved away :-(

    It isnt in my nature to do that anyway
    I could go on making comments like I just did, but I'm too close to getting banned... But seriously, things always get better and you're always going to feel down in the dumps after a split up from a long term relationship. You just need to stick it out until things get easier, I know it will be hard for you but just think, feeling sorry for yourself and being upset isn't going to make anything any better.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    "long term compatability doubts"
    Thanks
    That's weak after four years. Throwing it all away when she could have easily talked about her doubts and given you a chance to prove yourself.
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    (Original post by LadyHaha)
    That's weak after four years. Throwing it all away when she could have easily talked about her doubts and given you a chance to prove yourself.
    We talked about it and even had a mini break planned over Easter to put aside a difficult couple of months and focus on the future together but she decided she wants the "excitement" of a new relationship before moving on with the next stage of her life.

    I just feel so dejected right now, and going from chatting all the time everyday to barely at all feels horrible and hollow, leaving me with little to no confidence to pick myself up and focus on my own life for once.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To cut a long story short, been with my (now ex) partner throughout uni and LDR'd for a while afterwards, being together for a total of 4 years. She was my world and I was planning to propose on holiday later in the year but she has recently ended it due to "long term compatability doubts" which i'm absolutely devastated about and finding it hard to accept right now.

    As we were each other's firsts for absolutely everything I'm really not sure how to react (other than crying myself to sleep) and how to move on from her. I don't have many friends where I'm living and can't move due to work and I don't have the confidence in myself to try and go out and meet new people at the moment so I feel trapped in a negative spiral right now.

    Can anyone offer any advice regarding how to take the next few steps to moving on?

    Thanks
    If you genuinely believe that there is no way back then I would cut all contact if you haven't already. Four years is a long time and I agree, it's a lot to throw away but with all due respect, you must have been together since you were 17-18? People's personalities change a lot and the amount of new life experiences etc you have both had may alter romantic views, so this may not be because she doesn't love you, she may just want something different right now in a romantic partner if she wants a romantic partner at all. She may just want time to herself to think about if this long-term commitment is what she really wants, maybe she thinks in her head marriage is on the cards due to the length of time you have been together? Maybe she is debating if marriage is really for her? Would you like to be with someone who maybe doesn't share this ambition when many other women do (hope this doesn't sound too mean ). Maybe her walking away now is a good thing, let her have her space maybe she will see what she is missing

    You need to time to heal. I really find it hard to not contact my ex as although it wasn't as long a time as your relationship, it was very intense so I can sympathise with that especially when it's long distance. I have fell off the no contact wagon when I have felt lonely for various reasons, admittedly as feelings are hard to overcome even when you feel like you are strong and 'over it'. From my experience, it helps. It really is hard at first but eventually you come to realise that you can 'accept' not seeing her and spending time together.Then you start to forget I suppose or at least think about them less and less. I did this by filling my time up better even when I am sat at home, I do something to stop thinking (washing up, anything) about it even though I wouldn't want them back, the nostalgia of old happy memories when your alone or stressed can bring it all back.

    Good luck Be strong, you will get through this!
 
 
 
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