What is it that makes a girl always a friend but never a girlfriend?

Anonymous #1

If they're nice and decent looking, what's stopping them being seen as girlfriend material in a guy's mind?

Reply 1

jammiedodger88

This is an oversimplification I feel.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

i think i worded it badly. dont mean that these are the only qualities needed but as well as these qualities, what additional factors mean the difference between friend and girlfriend?

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

basically how do you avoid the friend zone? is there any way out if you're already there??

Reply 4

Climbontoyourseahorse

Whether a person is relationship material is subjective. I'm going on the assumption that there has been a string of guys who have rejected you romantically, or simply not expressed in you, and you are wondering what it is that you are 'lacking'. You are not lacking anything. Different strokes for different folks. You have just had bad luck. Attraction just happens, and people often can't really explain what it is that differentiates their partner or crush from everyone else. They might even acknowledge that this person isn't as good-looking or charming or whatever as other people they know. Everyone is attractive to someone, and no one is attractive to everyone.

Reply 5

Lucia.

Okay I'm not a man but it usually falls into one of the below:

* Many men are put off by women with lots of male friends
* Some men are put off by women who don't seem feminine/put any effort into their appearance or otherwise don't exude femininity/act like one of the boys
* They could be very picky and you don't fit the image of their ideal fantasy woman (not behaviour reserved only to men)
* They don't feel good around you, or they feel good around you but better around other women/they think they have better options
* They're not sexually attracted or haven't grown attraction for you
* They aren't emotionally available for a relationship

Reply 6

Swanbow

The only way to avoid the friend zone is to be clear and honest with your intentions, but guys often fail to do this because of fear of rejection.

Reply 7

jammiedodger88

I tell you some of the things that would make a difference, were I single, which I am not..

Does the girl smoke? I myself am a non smoker, and a girl been a smoker can be instant. offput where I find a girl otherwise attractive.
Interests: do I find the girls interests interesting? They need not be the same as mine, but just interests that I find interesting as well.
Do I have an eye on someone else? This has the potential to heavily influence how much I fancy a different girl.
Do I have todo *all* the work, I don't mind doing some of the work to get a girl, but if they do non I will assume they are not interested!

There's some things that influence my decision making with girls personally when I'm single, hope that helps :smile:

Reply 8

MancBoy

Original post by Anonymous

basically how do you avoid the friend zone?

By being attractive. People are shallow like that.

Reply 9

jammiedodger88

Original post by MancBoy

By being attractive. People are shallow like that.

Some more so than others, I know girls who very picky about it and others less so, for example I am not ugly but I am. Not amazing either, could be if I wanted to be. It hasn't stopped me holding down a relationship! My GF is still quite desirable as well.

Reply 10

Alpha510

The guy fearing that you will not be the same 'friend' anymore if you became his girlfriend.

Reply 11

Millie228

You won't be considered as a girlfriend possibly because:
- they're not attracted to you
- you aren't feminine enough/always trying to be one of the guys or to identify with men
- you're projecting a slutty image
- you're putting out too soon, so they get what they wanted outside of a relationship anyway
- you're boring, insecure, high maintenance, aloof or any combination of those, which makes them not want to spend time with you

Really, it's not too difficult. Make yourself as attractive as possible, meet a lot of new people, go out enough, be approachable and see if someone asks you out and take it from there. If a guy stops texting/calling you, says he isn't looking for a relationship, doesn't prioritize spending time with you or shows any other red flag, just quit it and move on. Girls usually end up confused because they are deluding themselves. Judge a man by his actions, not his words.