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    I'm 20. I'm a sikh. The girl i like/love is a muslim. Only solution for a future is to convert. But how do i go about telling this to my parents and family, for those of you who dont know the consequences can and will be absolutely huge! I have no idea how my parents and family would react but what if they kick me out the house and/or break my legs?!

    For those of you who are doubting me, i like this girl so much that i am willing to convert. But if my parents dont agree to converting or even marriage (if it does come to that) then what should i do? how would the girls parents react?

    Basically it is like this, once i have mentioned this situation there is no going back and thats a fact. for example, if i say i want to convert and mention the girl then things would never be the same for me between me and my parents. Also the girl says that she doesnt want me to convert just because of her.

    if i was to convert eventually, what do i say? would her parents be okay with it? my parents would go crazy but do you think i should go ahead with it even if they so no? This is so hard and confusing for me, it is the biggest decision of my life.... as it could make or break my life.
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    Surely your feelings for this girl cannot affect your religious beliefs? Or have I missed the point?
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    Don't understand why you have to take this decision at 20? It's not like you're going to marry her literally tomorrow. Why not wait a couple of years, see how your relationship pans out and when you're a bit older and wiser, take the decision.
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    (Original post by anonymous125)
    I'm 20. I'm a sikh. The girl i like/love is a muslim. Only solution for a future is to convert. But how do i go about telling this to my parents and family, for those of you who dont know the consequences can and will be absolutely huge! I have no idea how my parents and family would react but what if they kick me out the house and/or break my legs?!

    For those of you who are doubting me, i like this girl so much that i am willing to convert. But if my parents dont agree to converting or even marriage (if it does come to that) then what should i do? how would the girls parents react?

    Basically it is like this, once i have mentioned this situation there is no going back and thats a fact. for example, if i say i want to convert and mention the girl then things would never be the same for me between me and my parents. Also the girl says that she doesnt want me to convert just because of her.

    if i was to convert eventually, what do i say? would her parents be okay with it? my parents would go crazy but do you think i should go ahead with it even if they so no? This is so hard and confusing for me, it is the biggest decision of my life.... as it could make or break my life.

    You are very young to consider marriage - 20 is no age.

    Also your girlfriend says she doesn't want you to convert just because of her.


    I know how difficult inter religious relationships can be and having spent time in the middle east, I know also how religious zealots can be. But that said, I do understand how important religion is to you and your family.

    There is going to be no easy way through this. But what I would not do is rush things because you will just hack everyone off and you could find your girlfriend spirited off somewhere to an arranged marriage.

    Have you an older sibling or an elder of the faith you can speak to in confidence. Otherwise just carry on with the relationship until your families get used to it. Pretend you are just good friends.

    You do not need to convert. You can have dual faiths that work side by side - I know - I have seen it. We are living in a very tolerant liberal society where you should be free to practice your own faith.
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    I'm 20. I'm a sikh. The girl i like/love is a muslim. Only solution for a future is to convert. But how do i go about telling this to my parents and family, for those of you who dont know the consequences can and will be absolutely huge! I have no idea how my parents and family would react but what if they kick me out the house and/or break my legs?!

    For those of you who are doubting me, i like this girl so much that i am willing to convert. But if my parents dont agree to converting or even marriage (if it does come to that) then what should i do? how would the girls parents react?

    Basically it is like this, once i have mentioned this situation there is no going back and thats a fact. for example, if i say i want to convert and mention the girl then things would never be the same for me between me and my parents. Also the girl says that she doesnt want me to convert just because of her.

    if i was to convert eventually, what do i say? would her parents be okay with it? my parents would go crazy but do you think i should go ahead with it even if they so no? This is so hard and confusing for me, it is the biggest decision of my life.... as it could make or break my life.
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    Why do you need to convert? Can't you both just be yourselves without needing to satisfy your parents? I know there's going to be pressures on you from your own family, but the fact is that you're an adult and frankly, they don't have a right to control your life.
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    (Original post by squeakysquirrel)
    You are very young to consider marriage - 20 is no age.

    Also your girlfriend says she doesn't want you to convert just because of her.


    I know how difficult inter religious relationships can be and having spent time in the middle east, I know also how religious zealots can be. But that said, I do understand how important religion is to you and your family.

    There is going to be no easy way through this. But what I would not do is rush things because you will just hack everyone off and you could find your girlfriend spirited off somewhere to an arranged marriage.

    Have you an older sibling or an elder of the faith you can speak to in confidence. Otherwise just carry on with the relationship until your families get used to it. Pretend you are just good friends.

    You do not need to convert. You can have dual faiths that work side by side - I know - I have seen it. We are living in a very tolerant liberal society where you should be free to practice your own faith.
    I understand that i am too young yet, but im thinking about the future, and converting is the only way the marriage (if it happens) would be legitimate.

    I dont know who i can talk to about it though, i mean i have an older brother... i doubt i can ask any elders in my family for example my grandma would probably tell everyone and what-not.

    What do you mean by i do not need to convert? thats the only way....

    i will take my time of course, but seeing that my family are religious and i am not i dont know how to go about this.

    But we are not dating: she is not my girlfriend. its hard to explain but shes not allowed to date because of islam AND ALSO because im not the same religion theres the idea that if there is no future whats the point of dating. thats why i am saying that its either convert, or forget. i cant forget though!
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    (Original post by anonymous125)
    I'm 20. I'm a sikh. The girl i like/love is a muslim. Only solution for a future is to convert. But how do i go about telling this to my parents and family, for those of you who dont know the consequences can and will be absolutely huge! I have no idea how my parents and family would react but what if they kick me out the house and/or break my legs?!

    For those of you who are doubting me, i like this girl so much that i am willing to convert. But if my parents dont agree to converting or even marriage (if it does come to that) then what should i do? how would the girls parents react?

    Basically it is like this, once i have mentioned this situation there is no going back and thats a fact. for example, if i say i want to convert and mention the girl then things would never be the same for me between me and my parents. Also the girl says that she doesnt want me to convert just because of her.

    if i was to convert eventually, what do i say? would her parents be okay with it? my parents would go crazy but do you think i should go ahead with it even if they so no? This is so hard and confusing for me, it is the biggest decision of my life.... as it could make or break my life.
    Coming from a similar background I say you only have two reasonable options.
    1)Break up with her
    2)Take the girl and run away

    Good luck!
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    (Original post by PerArduaAdAstra)
    Why do you need to convert? Can't you both just be yourselves without needing to satisfy your parents? I know there's going to be pressures on you from your own family, but the fact is that you're an adult and frankly, they don't have a right to control your life.
    The reason converting is a must is because she doesnt want to convert as she is religious. To make the marriage legitimate i have to be a muslim. also her parents wont be happy and she doesnt want that. of course there is the issue that my parents will go crazy, mad, berserk! but they need to understand that if this is the girl i truly want then why wont they let me be happy. but i have a feeling they wont understand as our religions clash, as im sure your aware. its the most difficult situation ever.

    basically, bottom line is if there is to be a future i need to convert. but my parents will be against this. I need proper, constructive advice as this can make or break my life...
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    (Original post by PerArduaAdAstra)
    Why do you need to convert? Can't you both just be yourselves without needing to satisfy your parents? I know there's going to be pressures on you from your own family, but the fact is that you're an adult and frankly, they don't have a right to control your life.
    Asian families are in general crazy, especially towards daughters.. The best possible situation I could see for her is that her family disown her and don't harm her or take her to another country.
    For the Son, he is a bit better of. He will probably be disowned, but usually have the chance to redeem himself, i.e if in this situation if he was to convert and go off with the girl, if with in a few years he left the girl and said he was a Sikh again, he would probably be allowed back home eventually and the family would blame it on outside influences lol.
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    (Original post by anonstudent1)
    Coming from a similar background I say you only have two reasonable options.
    1)Break up with her
    2)Take the girl and run away

    Good luck!
    1)not gonna happen
    2)not gonna happen. she is not that kinda girl, shes religious her parents come first for her. i wouldnt want to. no financial ground whatsoever.

    i hope you was being sarcastic...
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    If you love her enough do it.

    If you don't, then don't.

    Pretty much your only two options
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    (Original post by anonymous125)
    The reason converting is a must is because she doesnt want to convert as she is religious. To make the marriage legitimate i have to be a muslim. also her parents wont be happy and she doesnt want that. of course there is the issue that my parents will go crazy, mad, berserk! but they need to understand that if this is the girl i truly want then why wont they let me be happy. but i have a feeling they wont understand as our religions clash, as im sure your aware. its the most difficult situation ever.

    basically, bottom line is if there is to be a future i need to convert. but my parents will be against this. I need proper, constructive advice as this can make or break my life...
    I see. In that case, I would advise you to do the only logical/sensible thing you really can - sit down with your parents and just lay all the facts out. It sounds like you're prepared for the backlash that will probably result from that, but if they love you, they should (emphasis on *should*) see sense and accept that this is what you need to do if your relationship with her is impossible without conversion.

    Just as a thought, would it be possible for you to convert, but still observe all the Sikh customs of your family? It's sort of a best-of-both-worlds solution - ie you become a Muslim but are a Sikh when you need to be.
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    (Original post by anonymous125)
    1)not gonna happen
    2)not gonna happen. she is not that kinda girl, shes religious her parents come first for her. i wouldnt want to. no financial ground whatsoever.

    i hope you was being sarcastic...
    I wasn't being sarcastic.Coming from an Asian background I honestly think those are your 2 best options.

    If you convert and tell both your families. You will most likely be disowned by your family and permanently discredited. There is also the large chance her family will still not accept you as you are a convert and you have been involved in a secret relationship with their daughter. And then who knows what they will do to her.
    But obviously its a choice you have to make and you know best how everyone will react in this situation as you know them.
    Again good luck!
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    My advice is - don't convert just for the sake of marrying her. Look into the religion with an open-mind, seek knowledge about it.
    If you convert for the love of God, there is no issue (or atleast there shouldn't be).

    If you convert solely to marry her, I feel it undermines the whole notion of religion.


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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    Why not learn about Islam and do good research? Convert based on an informed decision - not because of love.
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    (Original post by anonymous125)
    I understand that i am too young yet, but im thinking about the future, and converting is the only way the marriage (if it happens) would be legitimate.

    I dont know who i can talk to about it though, i mean i have an older brother... i doubt i can ask any elders in my family for example my grandma would probably tell everyone and what-not.

    What do you mean by i do not need to convert? thats the only way....

    i will take my time of course, but seeing that my family are religious and i am not i dont know how to go about this.

    But we are not dating: she is not my girlfriend. its hard to explain but shes not allowed to date because of islam AND ALSO because im not the same religion theres the idea that if there is no future whats the point of dating. thats why i am saying that its either convert, or forget. i cant forget though!

    We are not living in some archaic backwater of India. This is the UK 2013. You can get married and be a different religion. It is not the same, but my husband is from a devout Catholic family. I am C of E. We got married in a registry office. According to his family we are not married but in the eyes of UK law we are. If you want this relationship to continue, you have to stop believing you are still living in a village in remote Punjab.

    You have to make tough choices sometimes. Time IS on your side and you know what they say, you cannot make an omelete without breaking eggs.
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    (Original post by PerArduaAdAstra)
    I see. In that case, I would advise you to do the only logical/sensible thing you really can - sit down with your parents and just lay all the facts out. It sounds like you're prepared for the backlash that will probably result from that, but if they love you, they should (emphasis on *should*) see sense and accept that this is what you need to do if your relationship with her is impossible without conversion.

    Just as a thought, would it be possible for you to convert, but still observe all the Sikh customs of your family? It's sort of a best-of-both-worlds solution - ie you become a Muslim but are a Sikh when you need to be.
    MOST abrahamic religions do not support that ideal which is why i am a member of a minority religion more or less a form of Paganism to be more direct but all in all not the right words.

    If he converts just so he can be with his girlfriend then he disowns everything and MUST be prepared for the future beyond simply for love as we know Love is a very fickle thing and can always occur again and again.

    I am heavily against his idea of Conversion is the only way Sikhs and Muslims don't like each other that much.
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    (Original post by anonymous125)
    1)not gonna happen
    2)not gonna happen. she is not that kinda girl, shes religious her parents come first for her. i wouldnt want to. no financial ground whatsoever.

    i hope you was being sarcastic...
    the choices given were your only routes to fix everything.
    Religion mainly the Abrahamic ones are far more well Stupid in terms of how they react to the tiny and minor things.

    Also you seem a tad ignorant of love if you convert just for love then your reasons to convert are wrong.
    Remember she wont be the only women you'd ever meet or even fall in love with so my main advise is to think it through properly.
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    Converting religion based on the idea of love defeats the purpose of religion, God and what you believe. Religion is to do with belief. You might as well have no belief.
    I say you research before hand about Islam and if you do chose to convert, you should then have that mindset to actually believe in it.
 
 
 
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