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    Hi! I've never attempted to write a poem before but I was feeling a little creative a couple of days ago and wrote this one. It's really silly and I'm aware it's not particularly great but I'd still like some opinions on how to improve it cause I really enjoyed writing. Thanks!


    To My Sun

    My sun, you rise
    And lightly touch my skin
    Hugging me with your warmth.
    Your bright presence (in heart and mind)
    Opens my eyes.
    Now I see what was already there, and
    My being grows into verdant opulence.
    Wide meadows lay before me
    And, though my course remains unclear,
    I no longer fear the way because,
    My sun,
    I know you will be there.
    So forgive me if I forget to say:
    You illuminate my soul,
    Or when, at times, a cloud comes by
    I cannot feel you there.
    But when it’s gone, my sun, I look
    And find that you’ve endured -
    Your radiance is still intact
    So in your light I dance.
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    I like that. For me it harks back to ancient sun-worship and ritual, when people were still awed by the sublime and when the environment and cosmos were much more than simply objects of scientific comprehension.

    Just me, but I'd have put a few more commas in parts for effect so as not to overdo the enjambment (end of 1st and 2nd line, for instance)

    Love the last line. Great effort for a first attempt! Glad to hear you enjoyed writing it. Keep it up!
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    Very nice solar poem
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    (Original post by uthred50)
    I like that. For me it harks back to ancient sun-worship and ritual, when people were still awed by the sublime and when the environment and cosmos were much more than simply objects of scientific comprehension.

    Just me, but I'd have put a few more commas in parts for effect so as not to overdo the enjambment (end of 1st and 2nd line, for instance)

    Love the last line. Great effort for a first attempt! Glad to hear you enjoyed writing it. Keep it up!
    Thanks a lot for your comments!

    I'm glad it made you think of that. I was actually writing it as a love poem as well so I'm happy it translates into something else as well.
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    It's a beautiful poerm, espeically the last couple of lines! Good work! Glad to hear you enjoyed writing and hope you keep it up
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    I love this. It is simply wonderful


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    Not bad at all.
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    I think it's awesome! Really sounds like it has depth and meaning, very artistic xo
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    Nice poem to begin with. I like the ode of the sun, as it sounds as if you adore the sun. I like the text passage in which you wrote that you have 'no longer fear', as you know the sun 'will be there'. Thats sounds that the sun is your companion on your way which keep the evil away. To increase the expression, I would recommend you to use appropriate metaphors: sun rays for good and shadows for bad. How about that: you send your rays to earth to keep the shadows behind me away? just plain a suggestion.

    I wonder what inspired you to write the poem. Your environment where the sun is shining all the time?
 
 
 
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