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Girlfriend won't forgive me :( Watch

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    Hello all, anon for obvious reasons.

    So basically be going out with my girlfriend for 3-4 years now. Its been a good relationship, obviously with the occasional fight or two but we've always agreed that it has made us stronger as a couple so I hope that this will also make us stronger.

    Anyway at the beginning of this year (I'm a 2nd year) I went out with the new first years to welcome them to the uni/city. Made friends with a fair few of them and invite them to parties and such, vice versa. However there was this one girl who became quite a good friend quite quickly, to the point where she would be actively asking me to go round her house to help out with first year work and such. When she was drunk she was flirty but I just put that down to alcohol, she would normally end up getting with some other guy out anyway.

    So yeah, after a while my girlfriend started to complain that she didn't like how much this girl was texting me and how much time I spent with her helping her do work and that the girl gets "suspiciously" excited whenever she knew I was around. I told her that there was nothing to worry about and that she only saw me as a friend. However over christmas this girl tried to persuade me to visit her in london. I told her no but my girlfriend still got a tad annoyed about it and that I would still be spending time with her.

    About a month ago after obviously seeing this girl a lot due to working in the same areas at uni my girlfriend in a bad mood decided she wanted to talk about it, heres how it went.

    Her: I just think we should talk about her, it's upsetting me
    Me: Okay well what's on your mind?
    Her: I don't like how much time you've been spending with this girl.
    Me: Thats not my fault, she's on my course and needs my help!
    Her: Just tell me, are you cheating on me with her?
    Me: Oh for god sake no! I've been with you for so long, I wouldn't do that and you should know that.
    Her: It's just you spend so much time with her, has she tried anything?
    Me*in a bad mood*: Oh for **** sake.

    So I stormed out of the house and rang the girl saying I needed a chill and I was pretty mad. She said it was cool and that my girlfriend would calm down after a while. So I went round....was weird as soon as I walked into the house. She came down the stairs wearing long socks, short skirt, tight top, tight bra, hair all curly. Anyway we went upstairs to her room, she asked me what was up. I told her then it got all...well she came onto me and tried to kiss me. I told her no, she said she knew I wanted her. I told her no and left.

    Spent the night at my mates (guy) then in the morning went home and spoke to my girlfriend. She apologised to me for being suspicious so I told her what had happened. She just told me to leave her room.

    Now she won't talk to me What do I do? I don't know how to fix this, I didn't even cheat!
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    You did nothing wrong.

    Talk to your girlfriend and give her an ultimatum, if she won't move on and trust you then go for the other girl.
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    Sometimes girls can see different intentions from other girls, where boys are naive and assume friendliness. Your girlfriend was obviously right to be wary about her. Let your girlfriend calm down, she's obviously fuming that having just had an argument with you about this girl, you then proceeded to go to the girls house when you walked out...obvious bad move! Let your girlfriend have some space to think about things. She'll want to talk about it eventually, as I'm sure do you!
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    I know you didn't do anything wrong, but your timing in telling her was bad. She had just convinced herself she was being paranoid, and then you told her that she wasn't so automatically is back in the place where she doesn't trust you. She will work that through in her head and realise soon.

    Basically you have to tell your gf you won't spend any more time with this girl - it was clear to your gf if not you that this girl wanted you the whole time, and this is in itself a threat to your relationship. Now that you know she was right, you need to cut contact.

    Edit: Also the person above me is totally right, you have a fight with your gf about a girl then go straight over to this girl's house? Bad idea!
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    hmm, it's quite an awkward situation. I think any girl would get a bit annoyed if her boyfriend was spending that much time with another girl but i don't think she should of fallen out with you for coming onto her. Why did you go upstairs to her bedroom? Surely you must of had some inclination that the girl was attracted to you? you're either extremely naive or not totally innocent.

    I don't think you could of pulled a worse move than going over to her house after arguing with your girlfriend about her, i'd be pissed off as well, but i don't think its anything to end a relationship over if you rejected her advances.
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    You're an idiot, why would you have an argument with your girlfriend over a girl she's jealous over and then go straight to that girl's house, knowing very well that you would get hit on.

    Imagine if you were in your girlfriend's shoes - she got close with a guy, had a fight with you and then went over to his, knowing he would come onto her.

    Can't say I have any sympathy for you.
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    Maybe you should have seen things from your girlfriend's POV. Imagine if it was the other way round - she spends a lot of time at a new guy friends house(who I presume is attractive) because she's 'helping him with work'. And whenever you bring it up, she gets weirdly defensive about it.

    Yes you did nothing wrong, but you could have handled it better. She did have slight reason to suspect something, and honestly she handled it in the correct way. At least she wasn't aggressive or start following you around!

    And honestly I don't see how you didn't see that this girl was flirting with you.

    I hope everything goes OK for you, and you did handle it pretty well, but dude it just seems so obvious to me.

    Seriously it sounds like this is straight from a bad romcom.
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    Not too good with this sort of thing, are you?
    Text your girlfriend, leave an email, anything not instant, and just tell her that you were sorry for doubting her and that she was right, but that you love her and you'll be seeing a lot less of this other girl from now on (and unless you want to jeopardise the relationship even more, you will be going through with that). For extra credit, tell her you'll treat her to a night out on you and that she should just get in contact when she's ready to talk.
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    Sounds like your gf is worth more than this other girl who is using uni work as an excuse to try and seduce you.

    Stop seeing her and concentrate on making it up to your gf big time. I think getting angry and storming out probably didnt help your case, try and see it from her side
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    I think you're quite the tard for going to the girls house to 'cool off'. You've got plenty of other mates who'd help you cool off without making a situation worse.
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    So what did decide to leave out with that ellipsis?


    People see cheating differently, but ultimately it comes down to that moment of betrayal. Seeing as you didn't actually betray her, as in there was no moment you said 'I don't care how this makes her feel', I don't think you've really cheated.


    You told her straight away. People ask for honesty, and if they get given it they often throw it back at you. But you did the right thing and nothing you can do about it now. However, if you do get things back on track with your girlfriend, ask yourself deep down what it was that let all this happen. Are you bored in the relationship? There's nothing wrong if you were and you enjoyed the flirting, you might need to be more open and talk about how you're feeling so that your girlfriend can try to be more exciting for both of your sakes. 4 years is a long time and you have to put effort in after so much time where it was once free.

    Hope things work out
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    Jealousy is one of the worst feelings. Stop/way cut down on seeing the other girl and start listening to how your girlfriend feels if you want to stay in your relationship
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    That other girl sounds hot, or are you just a good storyteller? :hmmm:
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    Well, if you want to iron things out, might be drastic but I suggest that firstly,

    1) Cut contact with that girl, or make a big point that you have a girlfriend and have no intention of breaking up with her - and that 'dressing up nicely and coming onto you' is just the best way to bin the friendship, as she is overstepping the line.
    2) Make sure that your girlfriend is aware of this, let her cool down one or two days, make a point of talking to her and make sure she knows you have cut this other girl out, and reassure her.

    She probably feels insecure, jealous, suspicious and a hoard of other negative emotions. Whereas it is true that you haven't done anything wrong and appear to have been a bit naive about the whole situation, you don't have those feelings, and if you want things to work out you will have to make sure your girlfriend flushes these feelings away and realises that you are being genuine.

    And beware with girls who want to see you 'a lot' in the future - they are probably masking feelings (and often, other people's sixth senses are not as off as you may think )
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    Absolutely 100% DO NOT KEEP TALKING TO THIS GIRL!! Seriously do you want to be with your girlfriend?!
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    Seriously brah. You're asking your girlfriend to forgive you for no effing reason?! Stop begging her. Tell her that you won't be playing such games and if she does it's over.

    Regain your dignity.
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    Why would you want to be friends with this girl? She knows how much you love your girlfriend but still keeps trying it on. She is obviously one of those girls that likes the challenge of trying to sleep with someone who has a boyfriend. Even if I am wrong and she is madly in love with you then she is still no friend at all trying to ruin your relationship. I'd say back right away from her.
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    Why would you even go around to the girls house? Right after after your girlfriend has so explicitly told you she's insecure about her?!
    Yeah she should trust you, but that is not helping anything...
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    You did nothing 'wrong' but damn you are stupid..

    Who in their right mind would go around to the girls place after that? Or was you hoping for something to happen?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello all, anon for obvious reasons.

    So basically be going out with my girlfriend for 3-4 years now. Its been a good relationship, obviously with the occasional fight or two but we've always agreed that it has made us stronger as a couple so I hope that this will also make us stronger.

    Anyway at the beginning of this year (I'm a 2nd year) I went out with the new first years to welcome them to the uni/city. Made friends with a fair few of them and invite them to parties and such, vice versa. However there was this one girl who became quite a good friend quite quickly, to the point where she would be actively asking me to go round her house to help out with first year work and such. When she was drunk she was flirty but I just put that down to alcohol, she would normally end up getting with some other guy out anyway.

    So yeah, after a while my girlfriend started to complain that she didn't like how much this girl was texting me and how much time I spent with her helping her do work and that the girl gets "suspiciously" excited whenever she knew I was around. I told her that there was nothing to worry about and that she only saw me as a friend. However over christmas this girl tried to persuade me to visit her in london. I told her no but my girlfriend still got a tad annoyed about it and that I would still be spending time with her.

    About a month ago after obviously seeing this girl a lot due to working in the same areas at uni my girlfriend in a bad mood decided she wanted to talk about it, heres how it went.

    Her: I just think we should talk about her, it's upsetting me
    Me: Okay well what's on your mind?
    Her: I don't like how much time you've been spending with this girl.
    Me: Thats not my fault, she's on my course and needs my help!
    Her: Just tell me, are you cheating on me with her?
    Me: Oh for god sake no! I've been with you for so long, I wouldn't do that and you should know that.
    Her: It's just you spend so much time with her, has she tried anything?
    Me*in a bad mood*: Oh for **** sake.

    So I stormed out of the house and rang the girl saying I needed a chill and I was pretty mad. She said it was cool and that my girlfriend would calm down after a while. So I went round....was weird as soon as I walked into the house. She came down the stairs wearing long socks, short skirt, tight top, tight bra, hair all curly. Anyway we went upstairs to her room, she asked me what was up. I told her then it got all...well she came onto me and tried to kiss me. I told her no, she said she knew I wanted her. I told her no and left.

    Spent the night at my mates (guy) then in the morning went home and spoke to my girlfriend. She apologised to me for being suspicious so I told her what had happened. She just told me to leave her room.

    Now she won't talk to me What do I do? I don't know how to fix this, I didn't even cheat!
    While you haven't cheated, and so haven't done anything wrong, I think you've been quite silly in allowing it to get to this stage with this 3rd party girl. It's pretty obvious she's into you mate, and you either need to make it clear that you're with who you're with and are happy with that situation and tell he to essentially back off, or if she doesn't, break off contact with her completely. Going round to hers after an argument with your GF about it was hardly smart either, but at least you were honest about what happened I suppose.

    Honestly dunno what you could do now to reverse it to be honest though... your current GF thought you were cheating, and by telling her that this other girl tried it on with you, you've only exacerbated it. The only way I think you could get back with her would be to not speak to this other girl at all any more mate - she's obviously bad news as far as your current relationship is concerned. Don't talk to or help this girl any more at all, make sure your Girlfriend knows, and from there you can rebuild your relationship with her perhaps - if it works, great, just don't be such a muppet again in the future!
 
 
 
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