The Student Room Group

Why does he never pay?

My bf of 6 weeks never pays for anything.. it's always me who has to pay myself and sometimes I even pay for him. He doesn't take me out to the cinema or anything and even if he did im sure he would ask me to pay for myself. he's not poor or anything we're both colege students but the other day we went to ice cream shop, and the lady at the counter said "pay together yeah?" and i said "errr yeah" because my bf was far away and I had to pay for his ice cream too, i coudnt exactly say "no im paying for mine only" as i find that rude. Why doesn't he ask me out places on saturday and stuff? we always hang around in college time, go to parks or whatever.

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Reply 1
It's sexist to assume the man should always pay. If you want equality, you should pay too. You cant really have a go at him.
Reply 2
Silentwol
It's sexist to assume the man should always pay. If you want equality, you should pay too. You cant really have a go at him.


She is not assuming that he should ALWAYS pay and she just said that she pays for everything, thats not equality.
Reply 3
That's a load of rubbish ^ to above poster. SHE is paying for HIS too, therefore, why doesn't he PAY for HIS? Like she is paying for hers?
Ok, chivalry is a bit old out now...but still, why does she have to pay for his?:confused:
Reply 4
She only pays for his "sometimes". My guess is that it was only that once in the icecream hsop, looking at the way it was said.
Reply 5
Yeah "sometimes" but he "never ever" pays for mine.
Reply 6
Personally I'd dump him.
Reply 7
No it wasn't only in the ice cream shop, that's just one example. But I have paid for him a few times.
Reply 8
OK, glad thats sorted.

He's obviously doesn't understand basic manners.
Reply 9
Anonymous
My bf of 6 weeks never pays for anything.. it's always me who has to pay myself and sometimes I even pay for him. He doesn't take me out to the cinema or anything and even if he did im sure he would ask me to pay for myself. he's not poor or anything we're both colege students but the other day we went to ice cream shop, and the lady at the counter said "pay together yeah?" and i said "errr yeah" because my bf was far away and I had to pay for his ice cream too, i coudnt exactly say "no im paying for mine only" as i find that rude. Why doesn't he ask me out places on saturday and stuff? we always hang around in college time, go to parks or whatever.
I had an ex boyfriend who used to be like that. Exactly the same in fact. I did not expect him to pay for me every time at all. It'd be nice if he just offered even once, that's all,but he didn't even do that. If he did, I'd probaly buy the drinks because I'd feel guilty otherwise.
Reply 10
I know its sexist to expect men to pay, but if i paid in the ice cream shop, i WOULD expect him to notice ie not pretend he doesnt notice, and treat me to something later. Good manners really-me and my friends work things this way

And maybe he is a new man. But if he acts like this about the "who pays"stereotype, i would be mad if he acted like an old fashioned guy in other ways- the ways that suit HIM
Reply 11
I had a fella like that once, in the end it got so i would notice every tiny thing he didnt pay for, its all i focussed on, so i ended it coz it annoyed me too much!!
Reply 12
Moral of the story for the guys... always pay.
Reply 13
Silentwol
Moral of the story for the guys... always pay.


i hope they heard you!!
Silentwol
Moral of the story for the guys... always pay.

No, just always offer and hope the girl declines. :biggrin:
Reply 15
Hey anon I will pay for an ice cream for you :wink:

I know what you are saying. Me and my ex use to share costs of everything, sometimes I would pay and sometimes she would.

I like to offer to pay for things when I'm out with a girl. Its just polite isn't it!?
Reply 16
Anonymous
My bf of 6 weeks never pays for anything.. it's always me who has to pay myself and sometimes I even pay for him. He doesn't take me out to the cinema or anything and even if he did im sure he would ask me to pay for myself. he's not poor or anything we're both colege students but the other day we went to ice cream shop, and the lady at the counter said "pay together yeah?" and i said "errr yeah" because my bf was far away and I had to pay for his ice cream too, i coudnt exactly say "no im paying for mine only" as i find that rude. Why doesn't he ask me out places on saturday and stuff? we always hang around in college time, go to parks or whatever.


No meaning to sound rude but your boyfriend sounds like a total bum. What did he say when you paid for things for him? Did he even acknowledge or thank you? I can't believe he has not paid for a single thing. He doesn't sound to great at all, especially as he doesn't invite you out anywhere with him. He obviously doesn't appreciate you. Out of interest who 'asked' who out? You should tell him how you feel and see what he says.
Reply 17
Should really be shared, but usually you shoudln't have to mention it. Maybe he isn't as well off as you think he is? If thats not the case then try going out somewhere and ask him if he has any money to buy you something, for example an ice cream, say you have no money on you. Then see what he says. If he won't buy you one, don't worry because Ronnie just offered.
Actually I think this is good. At least 1 relationship is helping to counter the nationwide imbalance of males paying for females.

Lets just give this some factual reasons based on my relationship.

Birthday costs
For Me
Gig Tickets - She paid 40 quid for 2 tickets.
For Her
Gig Tickets - 90 quid for 2 tickets
iPod Nano - 130 quid
Accessories - 20 quid

Christmas (her birthdays on the 18th of december arghghghg)
For Her - Perfume - 40 quid
For Me - T-shirt, DVD - 40 quid
Take into consideration I had no money left cos of her birthday

Anniversary
I spent - 400 quid taking her to Paris
She spent - more of my money on clothes....

Add to this going out costs and everything I mustve dolled out atleast 700 or so quid more on her than shes spent on me over a year and im only 17

To be honest, being single is just a time to save up before the next one bleeds you dry :frown:



Well done OP's boyfriend, the men of TSR salute you.
I always insist on paying. I don't care about equality and stuff, I hold doors open for girls and if I take them out then it's on me, that's how it works. My girlfriend used to try and insist on paying for herself but I've got her to stop. Well, most of the time, sometimes I let her because she really wants to. Ah, it just feels nice to treat people. :smile:
We do buy each other presents and send each other things and that probably works out fairly equally, but when we go out, I like to pay.