Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

I shouted aggressively at my girlfriend Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I started a new job yesterday and my girlfriend was texting me good luck on the bus in to work. Then in my lunch break I rang her and said I could only talk for 5 mins as I wanted to get to know my new colleagues. This upset her quite badly. Then I said she should call at 5 as she was getting a flight at that time and it would be nice to say bye.

    However, at 5pm my colleague offered to drive a few of us into the city and go for a drink. I thought it rude to refuse so switched off my phone and didnt take my girlfriends call. I thought she would understand as it was my first day and I had a lot going on, and I tried calling at 530 but the flight had taken off.

    She then sends me a txt along the lines of "Well you obvs dont care about me anymore have fun with your new friends."


    Later that evening she rang me and I kind of just lost it. I guess it was the stress of work and everything. I said she was acting like a teenager and it was pathetic for me to have to ring her all the time and that I am naturally going to be busy at work. She got a bit upset.

    I feel so guilty about this and now she says she is scared to contact me at work for fear I will fly off the handle again. I've apologised loads and said I still love her and everything, which I really do.

    Do you think I was in the wrong? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I personally think it is quite harsh. It is awesome that you have a new job, getting to know your colleagues and making new friends, but she is your girlfriend and you shouldn't neglect her like that. After all, she wasn't expecting much - just a phone call from you. Don't get me wrong, but why the hell did you have to turn off your phone and completely ignore her? It sounds quite selfish to mw.

    Maybe I am a little biased here, but i went through a similar thing. The guy was meeting new people related to work, hanging out with them until late etc which I was totally fine with. But he wasn't there for me at time when I needed him the most. He got really defensive about it and said some nasty stuff about me moaning. This was not the only instance. I realized i wasn't his priority and broke up with him. Maybe your situation is not as extreme, but imagine what would it be like if your girlfriend did that to you and later you found out. Trust me, it sucks balls and it makes you awfully unhappy. And it made me doubt the whole relationship.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Avoiding a couple of calls on your first day of work is forgivable. But I don't think you had any right to go off on her for her reaction. She has a right to be upset about that. You comfort her and reassure her that you care about her, you just had an important day. You don't call her names or pathetic. She just wants to talk with you. People want to talk to their partners. It's something to appreciate, not get angry over.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Argh, could you not have just text her about the situation at 5pm rather than switch your phone off?!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Stress of work? Wasn't it your first day?
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Shouting certainly wasn't the best way to deal with this. I would start grovelling, and quickly.
    Offline

    14
    Kiss and make love.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I started a new job yesterday and my girlfriend was texting me good luck on the bus in to work. Then in my lunch break I rang her and said I could only talk for 5 mins as I wanted to get to know my new colleagues. This upset her quite badly. Then I said she should call at 5 as she was getting a flight at that time and it would be nice to say bye.

    However, at 5pm my colleague offered to drive a few of us into the city and go for a drink. I thought it rude to refuse so switched off my phone and didnt take my girlfriends call. I thought she would understand as it was my first day and I had a lot going on, and I tried calling at 530 but the flight had taken off.

    She then sends me a txt along the lines of "Well you obvs dont care about me anymore have fun with your new friends."


    Later that evening she rang me and I kind of just lost it. I guess it was the stress of work and everything. I said she was acting like a teenager and it was pathetic for me to have to ring her all the time and that I am naturally going to be busy at work. She got a bit upset.

    I feel so guilty about this and now she says she is scared to contact me at work for fear I will fly off the handle again. I've apologised loads and said I still love her and everything, which I really do.

    Do you think I was in the wrong? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
    bold 1 - immature - its your first day, she could cut a little slack
    bold 2 - stupid move
    bold 3 - its a flight you knew damn well it would take off, phoning after it had left was a deliberate act by you to assuage your own guilt for turning your phone off.
    bold 4 - immature - silly comment - passive aggressive and childish
    bold 5 - on your first day. Really? I think theres more here - does she try your patience - she sounds really clingy and always looking for validation (could be wrong here) which is why you turned the phone off and why you rang when you knew she couldnt answer.
    bold 6 - you shouted, regretted it instantly and now shes scared??? More passive aggressive and screams of low self esteem and dependency.

    Shouting at her wasnt a great idea and niether was turning your phone off. However in saying that - its your first day she should let you off the hook a little specially at lunch time. First days are always tough when meeting new people.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    If you agree to do something, do it. If you can't at least have the decency to let them know. For all she knew you could have been lying dead in the road and that was why she couldn't contact you.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I'm confused, why did you turn your phone off? Should have just texted and explained, and a really quick call to say bye? Oh well, you just need to apologise profusely, say you love her, then buy her some flowers and don't do it again :P
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    No, you are correct. She's acting like a petulant teenager. Why in God's name do women want to be rung up just because they're going on a plane? It's a busy world, you've got to get on.

    That said if you said you'd ring her you should have rung her.

    Sounds like you are controlled or "pussy-whipped" by your girlfriend. And then she makes you apologise. I would not stand for it.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    She sounds needy.
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    TSR Support Team
    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    Argh, could you not have just text her about the situation at 5pm rather than switch your phone off?!
    Agreed OP why didn't you just drop her a text, surely would have solved the problem, sounds like you both lack communication.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    If you go on this way, there will come a day when she'll just vanish from your life and not bother to hear your 'goodbye' before doing so..
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I started a new job yesterday and my girlfriend was texting me good luck on the bus in to work. Then in my lunch break I rang her and said I could only talk for 5 mins as I wanted to get to know my new colleagues. This upset her quite badly. Then I said she should call at 5 as she was getting a flight at that time and it would be nice to say bye.

    However, at 5pm my colleague offered to drive a few of us into the city and go for a drink. I thought it rude to refuse so switched off my phone and didnt take my girlfriends call. I thought she would understand as it was my first day and I had a lot going on, and I tried calling at 530 but the flight had taken off.

    She then sends me a txt along the lines of "Well you obvs dont care about me anymore have fun with your new friends."


    Later that evening she rang me and I kind of just lost it. I guess it was the stress of work and everything. I said she was acting like a teenager and it was pathetic for me to have to ring her all the time and that I am naturally going to be busy at work. She got a bit upset.

    I feel so guilty about this and now she says she is scared to contact me at work for fear I will fly off the handle again. I've apologised loads and said I still love her and everything, which I really do.

    Do you think I was in the wrong? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
    I thought the first bold part was cute, until the second part bold part; that's not cute; it's childish, border-lining pathetic of her to do that. For God sake, she needs to grow-up. You've already apologized; what does she want more? You begging on your knees?

    It's not really great of you to shout but I could appreciate the stress that you're going through. Getting that correct first impression is important in a first job. You don't want to show your workmates that you're clingy with your girlfriend thus (probably) projecting (to them) that you don't want to mingle with them.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    To be honest you're both as bad as each other.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I certainly wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like that. You hadn't even gone six hours without being in a conversation with her before she spazzed out. What the ****?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for all your comments, and it is clear there is quite a difference of opinion regarding the whole thing.

    You're right that I should have kept my phone on - it was just I was in a car with 4 people and didn't really want to have a conversation with my girlfriend with them all available to listen. Is that so bad?

    My girlfriend is slightly needy, and I completely understand that about her. It is something she has and I don't hold it against her. It's just sometimes when I'm out she expects me to call all the time and she can't relax when I'm with my friends. That's why I snapped on this occasion because it was my first day and she still needed this regular contact.

    I love my girlfriend in spite of this. We have made up and are planning to move in together. Everything is good. Hopefully the calls will gradually decrease when we move in.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    I think you could have took 5 minutes out to say bye, but I'm sure once you explain and apologize things will probably be fine
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for all your comments, and it is clear there is quite a difference of opinion regarding the whole thing.

    You're right that I should have kept my phone on - it was just I was in a car with 4 people and didn't really want to have a conversation with my girlfriend with them all available to listen. Is that so bad?

    My girlfriend is slightly needy, and I completely understand that about her. It is something she has and I don't hold it against her. It's just sometimes when I'm out she expects me to call all the time and she can't relax when I'm with my friends. That's why I snapped on this occasion because it was my first day and she still needed this regular contact.

    I love my girlfriend in spite of this. We have made up and are planning to move in together. Everything is good. Hopefully the calls will gradually decrease when we move in.
    Aw, all the best OP

    :hugs:
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 29, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What's your favourite Christmas sweets?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.