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Should I tell my ex about my graduate job? Watch

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    Me and my ex have been talking and texting for a few weeks now. I told her a month or so ago that I had a job interview for a graduate job. She just text me "are you still job hunting?". I got the job and its quite a good job but I don't know if I should tell her because I'm worried she'll like me more now that I'm sorted in the next stage in my life. But at the same time, the stability for her could be a good thing?

    I don't know if I want to be with her or I'm just texting her because I'm bored. That's another reason why I'm not sure if I should tell her. I was thinking that if I do end up having feelings for her again, then I would want her to like me and not the fact that say I have a good job and money and whatever, but if we broke up and I haven't changed much then maybe she won't want to carry on talking and let those feelings develop? I don't know.

    It's hard to know exactly how I'm feeling about her and I could feel in the future. I think it's like I'm bored and so I think about my ex more because she's the most fun time I can think of, so I want to be in that situation again, but it doesn't have to be with her but as it was with her that's why I picture/think of her (if that makes sense?). I have tried being with other girls but at that time I'd compare them to my ex and not do anything with them. Now I'm being really selective about another girl I go for but I think I will always have a soft spot for my ex.

    Can you guys give me some help please?
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    OP she's your ex, she may or may not come back. Sort out a fun single life for yourself first and then you'll be in a better place to decide if you actually want to be with her or just someone like her
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OP she's your ex, she may or may not come back. Sort out a fun single life for yourself first and then you'll be in a better place to decide if you actually want to be with her or just someone like her
    So just not think all this waste stuff about whether she will think this about this and whatever and just chat to her like I would some other random girl?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Me and my ex have been talking and texting for a few weeks now. I told her a month or so ago that I had a job interview for a graduate job. She just text me "are you still job hunting?". I got the job and its quite a good job but I don't know if I should tell her because I'm worried she'll like me more now that I'm sorted in the next stage in my life. But at the same time, the stability for her could be a good thing?

    I don't know if I want to be with her or I'm just texting her because I'm bored. That's another reason why I'm not sure if I should tell her. I was thinking that if I do end up having feelings for her again, then I would want her to like me and not the fact that say I have a good job and money and whatever, but if we broke up and I haven't changed much then maybe she won't want to carry on talking and let those feelings develop? I don't know.

    It's hard to know exactly how I'm feeling about her and I could feel in the future. I think it's like I'm bored and so I think about my ex more because she's the most fun time I can think of, so I want to be in that situation again, but it doesn't have to be with her but as it was with her that's why I picture/think of her (if that makes sense?). I have tried being with other girls but at that time I'd compare them to my ex and not do anything with them. Now I'm being really selective about another girl I go for but I think I will always have a soft spot for my ex.

    Can you guys give me some help please?
    Who dumped who? Makes a bit of a difference. If she dumped you and you want her back, it's not going to do any harm. Other way around it might do.

    But frankly, it seems unnecessary to lie - a job is hardly a private thing - just say no, you got one.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So just not think all this waste stuff about whether she will think this about this and whatever and just chat to her like I would some other random girl?
    Unless you guys have actually agreed to get back together again (and if that's what you really want you could always ask her) I wouldn't act like you have... just my two cents :dontknow:

    If you don't mind me asking who was it who decided to break up or was it a mutual thing?
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    (Original post by talon1579)
    Who dumped who? Makes a bit of a difference. If she dumped you and you want her back, it's not going to do any harm. Other way around it might do.

    But frankly, it seems unnecessary to lie - a job is hardly a private thing - just say no, you got one.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Unless you guys have actually agreed to get back together again (and if that's what you really want you could always ask her) I wouldn't act like you have... just my two cents :dontknow:

    If you don't mind me asking who was it who decided to break up or was it a mutual thing?
    It was a mutual thing at first, but then I realised that it was actually stupid what happened and so I kind of begged (a little) and she was like "no". The thing is because we we're never friends, like we met, spoke, went out , got together, etc and its like all or nothing with her. Also, we kept going on off on off when we're together (I remember I told my friend once that we'd broken up and he was like "so? you're probably going to get back together next week") and so I think it found it a little hard (she might've, but I didn't speak to her) that we weren't going to get back together.

    Now I'm back in the "I don't know if I like her, I don't know if I should try it on with her one more time" sort of stage again.

    TBH you're both right. It's not even like she's hinted at liking me or anything so like my friend on my course asked me if I found a job and I didn't think twice about answering them so no different for this girl.
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    It's perfectly natural to have a soft spot for your ex. In fact I think it's pathological how cold and uncivil most people are with their exes.

    Frankly I think things like good jobs appeal to women in the attraction phase of the relationship. You and your ex are long past that and have both seen each other holding the bog brush.

    You must stop worrying what she will think as this means you see her as a potential partner. Just be friendly and don't expect anything. Even if you did want to win her over again, you can't do it with bluster and pulling techniques, standard procedure is to go out for a "friendly" drink, get totally sloshed, shag her and then start again where you left off.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It was a mutual thing at first, but then I realised that it was actually stupid what happened and so I kind of begged (a little) and she was like "no". The thing is because we we're never friends, like we met, spoke, went out , got together, etc and its like all or nothing with her. Also, we kept going on off on off when we're together (I remember I told my friend once that we'd broken up and he was like "so? you're probably going to get back together next week") and so I think it found it a little hard (she might've, but I didn't speak to her) that we weren't going to get back together.

    Now I'm back in the "I don't know if I like her, I don't know if I should try it on with her one more time" sort of stage again.

    TBH you're both right. It's not even like she's hinted at liking me or anything so like my friend on my course asked me if I found a job and I didn't think twice about answering them so no different for this girl.
    Well, if you asked her outright and she said no she's almost certainly not interested (doesn't reflect on you personally of course, speaking as a girl it could be for any silly little reason). Her texting you back doesn't mean she wants to get back together, could just be to avoid seeming rude (hope I'm not coming across as harsh here but us girls often do stuff like that).

    How come you want to get back together so much if it was an on-off thing? Doesn't even seem that great, chances are even if you guys did get back together it would be the same. I'm sure you deserve better but you won't be able to clear the way for more stable relationships till you learn to let go of this one. It sounds as if you aren't sure if you even like her right now and she definitely doesn't seem sure she likes you back. Text her if you want but don't treat her any differently from a normal friend, and basically don't make her your priority as she clearly only sees you as an option.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well, if you asked her outright and she said no she's almost certainly not interested (doesn't reflect on you personally of course, speaking as a girl it could be for any silly little reason). Her texting you back doesn't mean she wants to get back together, could just be to avoid seeming rude (hope I'm not coming across as harsh here but us girls often do stuff like that).

    How come you want to get back together so much if it was an on-off thing? Doesn't even seem that great, chances are even if you guys did get back together it would be the same. I'm sure you deserve better but you won't be able to clear the way for more stable relationships till you learn to let go of this one. It sounds as if you aren't sure if you even like her right now and she definitely doesn't seem sure she likes you back. Text her if you want but don't treat her any differently from a normal friend, and basically don't make her your priority as she clearly only sees you as an option.
    I fully agree with this guy - it sounds like you've had a stab at making it work again - this isn't going to make the difference. As such, you might as well tell her since she asked. No need to boast - just tell her you got a job, and she'll ask if she's interested.

    In fact I think it's pathological how cold and uncivil most people are with their exes.
    Annoyingly, this is the best way to get over people - science proves it.
 
 
 
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