Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Feeling hurt about parents and money - advice and opinions please Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm a final year student and like pretty much all students I've struggled financially this year. I've had temporary jobs but despite looking a lot I wasn't able to find a permanent job because the town has very high unemployment and out of work adults have taken all of the jobs traditionally done by students. I haven't been able to get much student loan because my parents are quite high earners, so I've had student loan of £3800 in total this year and no grant. This has left me with a fairly large gap between outgoings and loan & earnings. When this became apparent I asked my parents to loan or give me money to help cover the cost of rent, bills and food. I don't have any expensive hobbies, I don't drink and I don't travel around the country visiting people so I can live quite cheaply. My parents told me they did not have any spare money at all even as a loan.
    In the first term from September to December I just used up what was left of my overdraft to pay for essentials but I couldn't extend it this term so I was stuck again. I asked my parents for help but they still said they couldn't loan me any money but they did drive down to visit me and took me to the supermarket and paid for my food for that week and to stock up a bit. Because I was still really stuck I applied to my university's financial emergencies fund and they gave me £1100 after they had assessed my financial position because they could see I didn't have sufficient money to pay for my essential living costs.
    This has been a huge help and taken all of the stress off. I was really struggling before I found out about this fund and while I was waiting for the assessment and for the payment to go through. I was scared I would have to drop out of university because I couldn't afford to stay. I was living on food I had found in rubbish bins behind supermarkets because I couldn't afford to buy food. I had to explain it all to my housemates that I couldn't afford to pay my share of the bills because I didn't have any money in my account at all. Luckily they were able to cover my cost until I got paid which I am really grateful for.
    I have now come home for Easter and found that my mum has taken up a hobby which she has spent almost £1000 on equipment for since Christmas. I'm now feeling really hurt that she said she couldn't help me when I explained how dire my circumstances were. Although I'm no longer struggling for money due to the university's fund, I'm really resentful and hurt that my mum couldn't afford to loan me money for food but could spend loads on a hobby. I'm really upset and it's making me want to go back to my university now rather than spend the next week with people who don't seem to actually care about me. It's confusing because my parents have made a big thing about how excited they are about me being a student and how proud hey are that I will graduate soon, but I feel like that's all just talk and they left me to suffer when they could have helped me.
    Does anyone have any advice?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I had the same thing exactly! I feel **** all the time, my parents keep saying that they don't have money for stufff when i ask them but then they do for other things and i just don't get it. Also I do athletics and because of them and how they always say these things i feel like i'm too scared to ask them to pay for my competitions therefore i have only been to like 2 last year and so far none this year! and you have no idea how much i love it! it's like the only decent thing in my life and it always makes me happy no matter what and just makes me feel free you know...And the fact that my parent don't give a **** about it just hurts..sooo bad! I mean, i am pretty good at it. Fastest in my age group, but they don't ever seem happy or excited for me when i tell them so..and neither is anybody else from my family or friends..so basically i have like noone!! So i guess what really pisses me off is that my parents dont give a **** about the only thing that i love in life and nothing else either! They dont even know what i like..like shops, movies, music and all that. So thats why they always give m ****ty presents for birthday and my sweet 16 is coming up and i guess im just scared that they will ruin it like everything else....and i ****ing won't survive that.....
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    As much as I sympathise with your position in fairness to your mum you do have your own method of income and they are under no obligation to pay your way in life anymore... That being said that would suck serious balls.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    cl_steete, I'm guessing you're from Wellington New Zealand and you don't know how the student loan system works in the UK? The way that student loan is calculated means my parents do have an obligation to help me. I'm not financially independent from them. My parents earn quite a lot, so the government assesses this when I request a loan and then assumes that my parents give me money when they calculate how much student loan I can have. I can't take more student loan than the government assess me to need, so as a direct result of my parents high income I can't get enough loan to live on. As a student I'm not eligible for any other state benefits e.g. for people looking for work or who don't earn enough to cover housing costs.

    As my OP says, I have struggled a lot with finding a job. Even if I had been able to get a reliable job it would not have been enough to make up the difference between the contribution my loan assumes I'm getting from my parents. My university strongly recommends limiting term time employment to 5-10 hours per week or it takes too much time away from studying. I am a final year student and it's hard to keep on top of tutorials and coursework deadlines and revision and get the relevant (unpaid) work experience I need for my career. I can't afford to fall behind at university when I graduate this year and have no option of delaying that.

    When my parents said they couldn't afford to help me I believed that meant they had no spare money. They know that they're "supposed" to contribute to my living costs but they never have. Now I find out that they couldn't afford to help me but they could afford to spend loads on luxuries and I'm upset. I know the major problem is the system - there should either be a full loan available for everyone or the money parents are expected to pay should be taken directly from their income like tax is.

    I feel like my parents prioritised buying luxuries over their obligation to help me. Now they're saying they're really proud and looking forward to my graduation ceremony. I don't even want them to come to my graduation because they're going to come along and pretend to everyone (including themselves) that they were wonderful supportive parents, when actually their decisions meant I nearly had to drop out twice and I couldn't afford to eat for a couple of weeks. I haven't been able to do any of the normal fun stuff at uni like going out with friends or taking up a new sport because I couldn't afford it and I was busy working in my free time anyway. I feel like the constant pressure to earn and save enough money to make up the shortfall from my parents has ruined my university experience and now I know it wasn't even necessary.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    If you were going to borrow from your parents, its no different to borrowing from a bank other than the fact you have to make monthly repayments. You could always do that and get a part time job to pay that back in stages.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 29, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Are unpaid trial work shifts fair?
    Useful resources
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.