Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I'm getting really pissed off...

    I'm a second year student at uni and have been single my whole life. I'm quite shy sometimes but i'm normal looking and capable of a conversation. The last of my single friends I went to school with has now got a boyfriend and it's driving me mad that I can never meet anyone. I go out an average amount so it's not like I don't leave the house. I just feel like it's never going to happen and I will end up devoting my life to a cat. I am sick of hearing stories about how people met "oh yeh we met at this party" or "actually we met on a train one day". There must be a whole bunch of average people like me in a similar situation, I'm not the only one right?

    p.s no i'm not fat like my name may suggest
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lifeofpies)
    I'm getting really pissed off...

    I'm a second year student at uni and have been single my whole life. I'm quite shy sometimes but i'm normal looking and capable of a conversation. The last of my single friends I went to school with has now got a boyfriend and it's driving me mad that I can never meet anyone. I go out an average amount so it's not like I don't leave the house. I just feel like it's never going to happen and I will end up devoting my life to a cat. I am sick of hearing stories about how people met "oh yeh we met at this party" or "actually we met on a train one day". There must be a whole bunch of average people like me in a similar situation, I'm not the only one right?

    p.s no i'm not fat like my name may suggest
    Join the club Although I'm still in my first year but I won't have a boyfriend before second year, my home is 10 hours away from uni, and nobody wants that. Plus I don't fancy anyone so I don't mind so much right now. Yeah, it's like everywhere is a potential place to meet your future boyfriend/girlfriend. Um, no it's not. :lol: I'm not going to meet him in a supermarket or something, it's just not going to happen randomly. But then going out and looking for it doesn't work for me either so I am going to settle down with a cat and a packet of Werther's originals quite happily on my own. That what friends and pets are for. Except in that scenario you don't have to share your bed with anyone *sprawls out over a double bed*
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I am completely in the same boat girl!
    Second year. Single. Almost 20. Don't think I'm thaaaat bad that I can't even get a chat/up line or the equivalent. You'll find me anywhere, out, cafes, libraries etc haha but yeah I've come to accept this spinster lifestyle I'm heading towards! Unfair for Miss Havisham to go it alone right?
    I've just convinced myself that I'm noones type :/ sad I know but thankfully I'm quite a strong/happy person so it doesn't really bother me alot, like I don't think I'm hideous you know?
    I'm outgoing, fun, kind (sometimes too kind, been taken for a fool my a "friend" recently) but at the same time independent and my own kind of person.
    Don't dwell on it too much, not because "it'll come when you least expect it" but because there's no point for your own mental stability I've never let it get to me that much I enjoy my life to be fair but I just sometimes think it'd be nice. Especially when everyone around you is coupled up!

    I don't even know if I'm making a point here jus abit of a ramble to be fair as finally someone is on the same wavelength as me in terms of relationships- or lack of!!!
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    Next Wednesday
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    I felt exactly the same as you, I've been single forever and all my friends were in relationships. I started to get paranoid that something was wrong with me, did I give off signals for men to stay away from me?! I always ended up with the wrong guys and it never worked out. Then a few weeks ago my best friend of 2 years kissed me, and now we're together and although it's not been that long, I think it's going to change everything.
    People in relationships sometimes downplay it and say that they'd rather be single, which is so frustrating for single people!! But I guess what I'm trying to say here is..... that I found a relationship (I'm 20 btw) after all these years and I'm really glad that I didn't get into meaningless relationships with people that I didn't really know or like, like I know so many people do just to have someone.
    I know it sucks to here 'It'll happen to you' when you know that it doesn't have to at all and possibly never will (sorry! I am not being very helpful here)
    The only thing you can do, is live your own life, work on yourself and do the things you enjoy. Be the person you are and you'll attract the person you should be with. If that doesn't work, then actively get up, go find people to talk to, or try online dating. It completely depends on whether you're willing to wait until you find someone by chance, or if you don't have a problem with dating for a while to find someone you like.

    good luck! you're definitely not alone!
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Wow this s completely different to the 'shut up and man up ' advice men get which drives them further into depression.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lifeofpies)
    I'm getting really pissed off...

    I'm a second year student at uni and have been single my whole life. I'm quite shy sometimes but i'm normal looking and capable of a conversation. The last of my single friends I went to school with has now got a boyfriend and it's driving me mad that I can never meet anyone. I go out an average amount so it's not like I don't leave the house. I just feel like it's never going to happen and I will end up devoting my life to a cat. I am sick of hearing stories about how people met "oh yeh we met at this party" or "actually we met on a train one day". There must be a whole bunch of average people like me in a similar situation, I'm not the only one right?

    p.s no i'm not fat like my name may suggest
    As a guy who is single at the moment, the only thing I would suggest to you is to make yourself approachable. What do I mean by this?

    Given that its normally us guys who initiate a conversation if we see a girl that we like, it helps if she appears friendly and not intimidating - this is simply by offering a nice smile, meeting my eyes for a few seconds, not turning her back and physically make it possible for me to go up to her and say "hi, how are you ..." rather than having to tap her on the back, which would just be freaky! There are other simple things too. If you're on the train, for example, rather than being engrossed in your book, the newspaper or busily texting away on your phone makes it impossible for a guy to say hi and strike up a conversation. Body language is often key; those who have had a rough night or are extremely tired, slouch, crouch or just look completely out of it! When I see girls like that, I almost don't want to disturb them because they look so tired! Depending on the situation and location, a welcoming gesture, like a hand wave, would be lovely. You would be surprised how many girls actually look quite intimidating, many of course don't mean to, but give off that vibe of "don't even think of chatting me up!"

    I hope that sort of helps. These are the common barriers that I come across when I want to approach a girl and, in short, what I appreciate more than anything is a friendly girl who, firstly, makes it possible for me to approach her and secondly, engages in a nice conversation if we get chatting


    (Original post by datpiff)
    Wow this s completely different to the 'shut up and man up ' advice men get which drives them further into depression.
    That's because (most) girls are nice and don't have to put up the false bravado, macho act we boys do
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Hello single ladies
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You have to make it your turn.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I am in same position, I have been a little "slow" with relationships, boyfriend, partners.... I HAVE NEVER HAD ONE.

    Though up till the age of 19 it was by choice, but now I feel ready I am 20 and single. But am tooooo shy! Someone put a spell on me and make me confident pleaaaaase.


    SHUCKS!!
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by superduper9)
    As a guy who is single at the moment, the only thing I would suggest to you is to make yourself approachable. What do I mean by this?

    Given that its normally us guys who initiate a conversation if we see a girl that we like, it helps if she appears friendly and not intimidating - this is simply by offering a nice smile, meeting my eyes for a few seconds, not turning her back and physically make it possible for me to go up to her and say "hi, how are you ..." rather than having to tap her on the back, which would just be freaky! There are other simple things too. If you're on the train, for example, then being engrossed in your book, the newspaper or busily texting away on your phone makes it impossible for a guy to say hi and strike up a conversation. Body language is often key; those who have had a rough night or are extremely tired, slouch, crouch or just look completely out of it! When I see girls like that, I almost don't want to disturb them because they look so tired! Depending on the situation and location, a welcoming gesture, like a hand wave, would be lovely. You would be surprised how many girls actually look quite intimidating, many of course don't mean to, but give off that vibe of "don't even think of chatting me up!"

    I hope that sort of helps. These are the common barriers that I come across when I want to approach a girl and, in short, what I appreciate more than anything is a friendly girl who, firstly, makes it possible for me to approach her and secondly, engages in a nice conversation if we get chatting




    That's because (most) girls are nice and don't have to put up the false bravado, macho act we boys do
    This is why I never have train romances. One because I've usually had to get up at an hour I consider utterly unreasonable (any time before 7), two because I like to read/watch films/listen to music on trains but mostly because I always end up falling asleep. Slept all the way from Dundee to London once. :lol: Woke up and discovered my mum had knitted an entire scarf while I'd been asleep.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lifeofpies)
    I'm getting really pissed off...

    I'm a second year student at uni and have been single my whole life. I'm quite shy sometimes but i'm normal looking and capable of a conversation. The last of my single friends I went to school with has now got a boyfriend and it's driving me mad that I can never meet anyone. I go out an average amount so it's not like I don't leave the house. I just feel like it's never going to happen and I will end up devoting my life to a cat. I am sick of hearing stories about how people met "oh yeh we met at this party" or "actually we met on a train one day". There must be a whole bunch of average people like me in a similar situation, I'm not the only one right?

    p.s no i'm not fat like my name may suggest
    Welomce to the club mate, 20 at uni and single, not that i haven't tried, just been rejected by every girl i've tried
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by superduper9)
    Given that its normally us guys who initiate a conversation if we see a girl that we like, it helps if she appears friendly and not intimidating - this is simply by offering a nice smile, meeting my eyes for a few seconds, not turning her back and physically make it possible for me to go up to her and say "hi, how are you ..." rather than having to tap her on the back, which would just be freaky! There are other simple things too. If you're on the train, for example, then being engrossed in your book, the newspaper or busily texting away on your phone makes it impossible for a guy to say hi and strike up a conversation. Body language is often key; those who have had a rough night or are extremely tired, slouch, crouch or just look completely out of it! When I see girls like that, I almost don't want to disturb them because they look so tired! Depending on the situation and location, a welcoming gesture, like a hand wave, would be lovely. You would be surprised how many girls actually look quite intimidating, many of course don't mean to, but give off that vibe of "don't even think of chatting me up!"
    This is pretty much what I was going to say. I found it was totally true. Naturally I have a really insular, cynical personality and don't really talk much unless people pull it out of me. I never had much interest from guys either. But gradually I taught myself to be more confident, friendly and outgoing, and everything totally changed!

    Some tips for you OP that I found helped:

    If anyone looks kinda like they want to talk to you (hanging around, looking your way, whatever) don't look away and ignore them until they make it obvious. Look them in the eye and smile for a few seconds, giving them the opportunity to approach you if they like.

    Approach other people! Don't be scared. You don't have to be too ambitious, but there's no reason to be worried about trying to join a group conversation or talk to someone who's by themselves. Even if they react negatively (not usually likely if they're decent people and you're friendly), you can just exit quickly with a smile and no one will judge you for trying.

    Show interest in other people's lives. Even if you're not. A lot of people (without realizing it) will try and divert every discussion topic back to their own lives and own experiences. Which is natural, it's what we know best, but people don't really want the conversation to always relate to that. Ask them what they like and what they're doing, and ask questions about that. Even if you're not really into the conversation, talking about themselves will put them at ease and they'll be touched you asked.

    If you make 'accidental' eye contact with someone across the room, don't look away quickly or ignore it. Smile (maybe even nod) at them for a second, then look away.

    Try to make others feel comfortable in conversation. If someone messes up, don't frown or pick them up on it. Smile and be be patient, wait for them to correct themselves.

    Saying 'sorry?' is much more apologetic and friendly than saying 'what?' which is quite accusatory.

    Just generally, most of this boils down to being careful of your body language. Smile a lot. Don't avoid eye contact. Appear interested and approachable.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    I'm Swedish and I'm in the same situation! Except I'm 18 so there's some hope for me from September in the UK.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lifeofpies)
    I'm getting really pissed off...

    I'm a second year student at uni and have been single my whole life. I'm quite shy sometimes but i'm normal looking and capable of a conversation. The last of my single friends I went to school with has now got a boyfriend and it's driving me mad that I can never meet anyone. I go out an average amount so it's not like I don't leave the house. I just feel like it's never going to happen and I will end up devoting my life to a cat. I am sick of hearing stories about how people met "oh yeh we met at this party" or "actually we met on a train one day". There must be a whole bunch of average people like me in a similar situation, I'm not the only one right?

    p.s no i'm not fat like my name may suggest
    You do know that being in a relationship isn't an entitlement, right? It'll happen when it happens, go out and try meeting people if you want to speed the process along, but you can't just conjure up a relationship out of thin air (unless you're on second life)
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by datpiff)
    Wow this s completely different to the 'shut up and man up ' advice men get which drives them further into depression.
    I agree that women shouldn't have it lightly, but why should men either? The reality is that you cannot sit around and wait for something like this to happen. Men don't get girlfriends by using telepathic signals. They're proactive. This ludicrous myth that people are entitled to lovers and will have a 'turn' if they wait long enough is the main cause of this 'depression', in my opinion.

    It's your turn when you make it such and never before.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    At the risk of sounding like an old woman, girls, you are all young and have an education/career to sort first. I met my husband when I was 17, and it only now many years later am I getting to chance to go to uni. Don't be in a rush for it, and certainly don't get desperate and settle for second best, you are worth more than that.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    if you going to singlemuslim.com i guaranteeing you will not having to worry at all, as long as you convert to islam. This is being you sanctuary from marital worry.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Have you tried internet dating? I found my boyfriend of now 9 months that way. I first sent him a message, then we ended up having long net conversations before meeting up, it was a nice way to get to know someone and when I met him I felt like I'd already known him for ages. We're now about to move in together. I've heard lots of similar stories to ours, it works out great for a lot of people.

    Sometimes you have to stop sitting back waiting for it to happen and do something about it!

    This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC Desire S
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    same boat bro
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 29, 2013
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.