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He's acting hot and cold. and i want my friend back.. (little long sorry) watch

    • Thread Starter

    This is mainly a way for me to write how i feel and rant, but also get some advice if there is any nice people out there? :/ (sorry for essay)

    So me and my ex broke up almost two months ago now.
    The first month was a little crazy in a way, because of our feelings and also for me not understanding everything because of not knowing anything.

    I do still have a bit little bit of feelings for him as of him being my first boyfriend and first true love.
    but I've moved on in a way of i dont want him back as a boyfriend.
    We used to be really good friends before we got together, and for the last month we have both been pretty quiet and not really talking mostly because of uni.
    Which has helped me to move on a bit as well,and i also havent found it not speaking everyday isnt too bad.

    The whole stuff that confuses me is He did say to me last month when he broke up with me, that he does want to stay friends and in contacts with me(which i know people say is bad but i can see us working as friends if he will work too) and he did also say that to me 2/3 weeks ago(as i meet up with him for a drink).
    But i've come to notice he has actually changed as a person(In a non good way), i dont know if its just towards me, but i've realised he turned into this 'I dont care anymore' way since we broke up, but he since i saw him couple weeks ago, he just won't really bother.
    He used to be one of these guy's that focused on his life,who put his work before everything and liked to do good, he also never used to drop people, but since we broke up, it looks like he's changed in the way of 'Why should i focus so much on my work if no one else in my class is" and has come across as "i have new friends how, screw my old ones'

    his brother agreed with the whole work stuff, as he said that my ex just comes how and dont do his work in evenings anymore and his mum said that he feels he works to hard. which is sad, because he would get far if he stayed that way (but not my problem i guess)

    he's also never lied to me before and never said things he's never meant, but now i feel some of the things have been said to not hurt me.
    But then again i do believe some of it.
    I'm not wanting to force him to be my friend if he don't want to or if he just dont want anything to do with me anymore. (which im not sure)
    but then that would really hurts me if so, because i haven't done anything and he even said that to me so many times.
    but i do feel like i have done something at the moment, because he's all of a sudden just acting like he don't care about me anymore.
    and its hard because me and him have friends who we both get on with, and i feel that i can't spend time or talk to them now because of how he is acting.
    and i want us all to be able to hang out, talk like how i was when together.

    He's just goes through these's stages were he will care and actually talk and see how i am and agree to catch up,
    but then all of a sudden just goes cold and come across as though he don't care.
    I know we wont ever be close again, but would this whole friend stuff happen in time?
    as i get told it will in time..
    We're both busy with uni work,so i guess he wont get back to me straight away or be able to see me... but if he really wanted to be my friend as much as he said, wouldnt he bother in some way?

    I just dont know what to do :/ i'm getting hot and cold signals.
    and all i want is him as a friend(not a close one) but just a friend like it was.

    what could i do? :/
    i don't want him out of my life completely and do have a feelings he'll get so into his new friends, he'll just forget and then realise when its too late, i just want to be able to have him there as a friend like he said he is and just be able to catch up like what i do with my old college friend..I just dont want to lose another good friend..

    Breaking away from your first love is always hard because you feel as though they have a part of you and have shared experiences that you won't ever have again.
    However, your first love isn't always logical. You are now older, wiser and less naive and although maybe now you don't think it but perhaps soon you might realise he was never right for you anyway.
    It's easier to just let it go, not being anger or bitter of course.
    If he isn't making an effort then I wouldn't bother yourself with him, honestly I've had a similar experience.
    It's hard because you can't imagine life without them because they meant and still mean so much to you, but it isn't beneficial to hold onto them especially if they aren't being particularly good friends.
    He isn't your problem anymore, although you want to help him you can't really, you aren't his girlfriend anymore.
    In the long run its better to just let it go, if he contacts you then speak to him but I wouldn't get hung up making all the effort if he isn't bothered.
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