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    Hi Guys, recently decides to try writing lyrics, I'm not a singer, I just love music particularly songs with awesome lyrics! so thought I'd have a go myself!

    As I am very new at this, I have no idea if they are any good so any constructive feedback would be really appreciated

    This is the 1st one I would like to share with you; it's called indomitable spirit.


    Indomitable spirit

    V1: You think you have me beat
    because you've won a battle or two
    But I will never accept defeat
    I will see it through

    C:You may well deride
    as you bruise my body
    and pierce my side
    but there is no way you can beat
    my indomitable spirit

    V2: You think you've finished me off
    when I’m just getting started.
    When you mock and you scoff,
    I will take heart

    C: You may well deride
    as you bruise my body
    and pierce my side
    but there is no way you can beat
    my indomitable spirit

    B: This war isn't over
    until I say it is finished
    You strike my heal
    but I will rise again

    C: You may well deride
    as you bruise my body
    and pierce my side
    but there is no way you can beat
    my indomitable spirit
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    (Original post by DCFCfan4eva)
    Hi Guys, recently decides to try writing lyrics, I'm not a singer, I just love music particularly songs with awesome lyrics! so thought I'd have a go myself!

    As I am very new at this, I have no idea if they are any good so any constructive feedback would be really appreciated

    This is the 1st one I would like to share with you; it's called indomitable spirit.


    Indomitable spirit

    V1: You think you have me beat
    because you've won a battle or two
    But I will never accept defeat
    I will see it through

    C:You may well deride
    as you bruise my body
    and pierce my side
    but there is no way you can beat
    my indomitable spirit

    V2: You think you've finished me off
    when I’m just getting started.
    When you mock and you scoff,
    I will take heart

    C: You may well deride
    as you bruise my body
    and pierce my side
    but there is no way you can beat
    my indomitable spirit

    B: This war isn't over
    until I say it is finished
    You strike my heal
    but I will rise again

    C: You may well deride
    as you bruise my body
    and pierce my side
    but there is no way you can beat
    my indomitable spirit
    that makes no sense?

    Do you mean heal.. as in healing powers or heel at the end of your foot?

    Anyway I cant say if they're good or not unless they're put to music.. imo anyway..
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    (Original post by hannahchan)
    that makes no sense?

    Do you mean heal.. as in healing powers or heel at the end of your foot?

    Anyway I cant say if they're good or not unless they're put to music.. imo anyway..
    oh, it's a reference to a bible verse
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    (Original post by DCFCfan4eva)
    oh, it's a reference to a bible verse
    Oh.. Sorry..
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    (Original post by hannahchan)
    Oh.. Sorry..
    no problem I probably should have mentioned what it was about before hand
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    It looks fine, but sometimes you have to be careful with such short verses as it can sound like the chorus comes around too quickly. You could perhaps make the first 2 verses 8 lines instead of 4 and then keep the bridge as it is?
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    (Original post by MissDavies)
    It looks fine, but sometimes you have to be careful with such short verses as it can sound like the chorus comes around too quickly. You could perhaps make the first 2 verses 8 lines instead of 4 and then keep the bridge as it is?
    Interesting thought, I was reading it a moment ago and was thinking the chorus chorus came too quickly.

    Do you think a pre-chorus would work or not? (I haven't written one or anything, it's just something I thought of now)
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    (Original post by DCFCfan4eva)
    Interesting thought, I was reading it a moment ago and was thinking the chorus chorus came too quickly.

    Do you think a pre-chorus would work or not? (I haven't written one or anything, it's just something I thought of now)
    Yeah it could work. Try it, the best part of writing songs is playing around with them seeing what works and what doesn't.
 
 
 
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